Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 50

I was awoken today by the officers telling me that I had a visit, which in and of itself it not unusual since it is a Thursday. I have been visiting with a last for several years, and I thought it would be her. So I got up and shaved and basically god ready to be taken over to the visitation room. The officers came and handcuffed me to be escorted over. We reached the booth that they had my visitor waiting for me to be brought over. When I came up to the booth I was shocked and elated to see my mother! I sat down and had my handcuffs removed. Then we started to speak to one another. She has moved back down to Texas to be closer to me in case I am executed. As I sat and watchmen my mother’s tears my heart broke into a thousand screaming shards. I have caused so much pain in her life and if I could I would remove that pain, I wish I could take her pain upon myself. We had a four hour visit and I will have another tomorrow! I am so excited to be able to see my mom again. She has told me that she will be down to visit with me every week from here on out. He spoke to me extensively about my brother. I guess my letter to him has hurt him. I understand that it was my intent to hurt him with my words, but still I felt very badly at learning how deeply he was hurt. I plan to write to him to heal the bad blood between the two of us. If I doe in 41 days I wish to die with a clear mind that my family is whole.

I am emotionally drained at this time and I must get some sleep. I will write again tomorrow after my visit with my mother.