I have been in solitary confinement since 2011. I was sentenced to 99 years in prison. Over the years I have seen many neighbors die. They didn’t receive parole, so I don’t expect to either.
For several years I was housed inside the Death Row Building. I failed to realize that the Death Row Building was a luxury resort. I was transferred to this prison, which is a complete mess in every aspect.
Inside the Death Row Building I was in twelve different cells. I spent 33 months in the same cell. It was perfect. It had light, hot water, air conditioning, electricity, privacy. It had no rats. Not a single raindrop ever came inside my cell.
At this prison my cell is the complete opposite. I was left speechless when I was put in my current cell. I was sealed in. It took me 38 days before I attempted to come out of my cell. The door would not open. The following day they came to fix my door, so now it does open on the rare occasions I step outside my cell.
My cell is all black and burnt out. I cleaned up massive amounts of soot, yet my cell is still all black. There is no hot water. I’ve already forgotten what it’s like to have hot water.
My cell light is very dim. It gives me a headache to read in the dark. The electricity keeps blowing out since water drips on the electrical wires.
After 3,775 days, my air conditioning days have come to an end. I will experience the full heat of summer from now on.
I have very quickly come to dislike rain. Every time it rains our building floods. I don’t think it’s asking too much for the rain to remain outside my cell.
Our building is infested with creatures: rats, roaches, ants, spiders, and crickets. Every night I get woken up by rats, roaches, or the skunk smell. Every night skunk smell comes out of all the drains.
My home town is 90 minutes away. Yet I last received a visit in 2019. Since the pandemic started I sent my relatives 75 letters. I don’t know what I need to say so they write back.
Any day now we’re supposed to get tablet computers. The email company is JPay.com. I have no expectations that my relatives will send me emails.
Inside the Death Row Building I was able to enjoy many things I cannot do here at this prison.
I used to listen to all kinds of educational programs on National Public Radio. Here my radio is nothing but static all across the dial. I’ve already forgotten what it’s like to listen to music.
Every week the one thing I looked forward to was a library book. There’s no library here. My favorite author is David Baldacci. My other favorite authors include Tess Gerritsen, Lisa Gardner, Robin Cook, and Jeffery Deaver. I enjoy reading mystery, thriller, and espionage books.
I also enjoy reading non-fiction. I enjoy learning about a new topic or learning more about something I know a little about. I like reading books about government: the Supreme Court, the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the Pentagon.
I enjoy reading memoirs from the business and medical worlds. There have been countless instances when I read something and it caused me to see things from a different perspective.
Since I was put in solitary confinement I have become a more religious person. Prior to prison I was only somewhat religious.
I have done many studies and my faith has grown stronger the more I study and learn. I live one day at a time. I am in a state of peace. I have simplified my life as much as possible. Everything in my cell fits in a box that’s two cubic feet.
Meditation has helped me in so many ways. It’s incredible how much you can pick up by simply paying attention. Boredom simply means you’re not paying attention. I don’t think I’ve ever been bored in prison. I’m fine with simply staring at the roaches on the wall all day. I didn’t come to prison with the mindset that I’m here to be entertained.
I have to constantly remind myself that nobody cares. The guards will flat out tell you they don’t care. They’ll tell you they get the same paycheck for doing zero work.
We joke that we’re abandoned. There are 281 guards here for 2,600 inmates. We only see the guards at mealtime.
At the other prison there was 2,850 inmates. When I first arrived there was 548 guards. When I left there was 330 guards.
I attempt to have as much equanimity with all the nonsense that goes on around here. Many neighbors get so angry at the 1AM breakfast that only has two slices of bread and two ounces of grits. I simply keep my mind blank. Anger serves me no purpose. Anger is not going to cause more food to appear on my tray.
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