Is this all that I am? Or, The Ramblings of a Forgotten Soul
By Austin Myers
To most, I feel that I am but a memory.
A distant memory, a forgotten memory, a lost memory.
Is this all that I am? Is that all that’s left, what was left behind?
Just an image of a child, a teenager? A struggling kid?
A lost soul? What once was, but was lost?
Forgotten potential, life cut short? As if all stopped at that point?
All of you, frozen in my memories, have grown and evolved,
lived and moved on.
Your lives are not the same, you are not the same.
The you I knew is no more.
Do you know that I’ve done the same?
Do you know what has become of me?
Do you wonder? Do you care? Do you think of me at all?
Does anyone remember me at all?
I don’t know you anymore, and you don’t know me.
My core is the same, but I’m so much more now.
I’ve suffered so much, but my soul has not been twisted into darkness. I’ve persevered, I’ve kept going, I’ve never stopped, and never given up.
Did you? Have you given up on me? Was it long ago?
Do you pretend otherwise? Or have you moved so far ahead that you can’t look back that far?
Do I exist? Do I matter at all? Am I nothing?
I’m still here. I think of you, I wonder, I imagine, I care about you.
I have reflected upon everyone and everything many times over.
Every interaction, every conversation.
I have relived this life again and again in my mind.
I’ve gone over everything, picked apart every meaning of every moment.
Maybe I helped you. Maybe you helped me.
Maybe I needed you. Maybe you needed me.
A distant tragedy, long forgotten. Is that all I am?
An ancient talent that once was? Cut off from existence?
I am not dead. I am still here. I constantly grow.
I relentlessly fight on. I live on hope. To some, I even inspire hope. I spread hope.
Come back! See me now! Know me now!
My soul cries out, my spirit calls to you! I am not done!
I haven’t finished yet! I haven’t even begun!
For years I cried “help me!”; now let me help you!
Unheard and forgotten, I gained perspective!
So much I now understand! Let me share what I have found!
Let me teach what I now know!
The end has not come, but a new beginning!
Darkness
By Austin Myers
Loneliness imprisons me
Through the dark it’s hard to see
The answer to my open plea
When will I again be free?
Ever since my life was taken,
Always have I felt forsaken.
Ever since that Winter da y,
I’ve covered debt not mine to pay.
I cannot sleep, I cannot breathe
I can eat, I cannot leave
A single light found out of place
A candle lost in outer space.
I’m trapped here where I don’t belong,
The self suppressed for far too long.
The voice within, it wants to shout!
Now written words come pouring out.
Self-expression is the key.
Though what comes out is misery.
I hold onto my dignity.
And m y natural right to be.
Sometimes hope cannot be seen.
Blocked by shadow, the unclean
Things that love to thrive on hate,
So hope then one must recreate.
We cannot let the shadow rule,
Be implements, or evil tools.
We must resist, lest we be fools,
And give the dark it’s crowning jewel.
That’s why, although I’m traumatized,
I still push through and visualize
A hope within, and watch it grow,
A seed I know that I must sow.
Within, where darkness cannot shroud,
Or hide the hope behind a cloud.
The place where only I control,
As darkness cannot conquer soul.
With hope alive, I carry on.
That doesn’t mean the Shadow’s gone,
But rather that I choose to try
As to give in would be to die.
Can I?
By Austin Myers
In desperate times, when need arise
Can I help others realize
The folly of their judgements and
Assumptions often based on lies?
In desperate times, when need is great
Can I succeed and conquer hate
From fellow man, woman and child
Or am I already too late?
Should I give up on people now?
Society could show me how;
Seeing how it turned on me,
Without a second thought endowed.
No, I won’t go down that path,
Where people love to share the wrath
Of ignorance and brash display,
Because they cannot do the math.
Can I, within, gather the power
Needed to carry the hour?
So I can change some hearts and minds
And help give love a chance to flower?
Can I, within, muster the strength
To persevere through each days length?
So I can try, while I draw breath,
To spread the truth so they can think?
The questions aren’t what I should do,
But rather how, and when I’m through
What impact will I have had,
And were those that I reached too few?
I won’t dwell deep on any doubt;
It’s useless going down that route.
These things I can do, and I must,
For this world cannot go without!
Simple Things
By Austin Myers
Sometimes the things I miss in life
Are really simple things.
The sounds from children riding bikes,
The fluttering of wings.
Things often forgotten by
Most people every day,
Overlooked in times of peace,
When everything’s okay.
One cannot understand, I think
Unless their lives are on the brink,
They’ve lost what things they ever owned,
And all else that they’ve ever known.
I think back and remember when
I walked among the trees.
I used to do so often to
Escape society.
I found that I needed a break,
From stress of daily life;
I felt it fraught with struggles,
Obstacles and strife.
If I had known what life could be,
Filled with so much misery,
I know I would have clung onto
The simple things like I now do.
As I recall, before the fall
I felt I was behind.
Short of expectations,
I sought only to climb
The rungs were greased, the ladder straight
Up and down it seemed
Unprepared, so unfair,
The whole world against me
It felt like all my plans were thwarted,
Now did I feel supported
Disadvantaged from the start,
But rising up was in my heart!
As I reflect, I do detect
In distant memories.
The sunlight on my skin, and
the wind blowing through leaves.
The smell of fresh cut grass
The sounds of rolling streams
Now are only found,
in my scattered dreams.
I feel that one just cannot know,
How precious are the things that go
On around them every day,
Unless those things life takes away
I try to tell folks, try to share
A glimpse of my own view,
That simple things within their lives
Should be given their due.
The sights and smells of everyday
The sounds that their world makes,
I wish they could appreciate
These things for their own sakes.
I wish that I could share perspective
Learned by others, but elective
Rather than by loss and force,
To which they may have no recourse.
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