Gratitude

Over the past year, I have worked on being more grateful. My mindset has tried to see things as ‘glass half full’. I’m trying to get to the point where I see things as glass half full by default.

I have a sentence of life. I’m not envious of people who are going home in a couple of weeks or months. Before I set one foot in prison, I accepted the fact that I will be buried in the prison cemetery across the street.

I have to constantly remind myself to keep my mouth shut; it serves no purpose to make anyone mad.

If someone asks me my view on parole, I readily respond that there is no constitutional right to parole – the only time prison has to let someone out is when they discharge their sentence. I discharge in the year 2069.

I don’t understand why people get so mad when they are denied parole. My thought is: Why should they give you parole? Clearly you haven’t changed. Why should they give you parole if you refuse to go to school, you refuse to go to work, you even skip the line? Why should you be given parole if you won’t even follow the rules in here?

I notice that the more I’m grateful, the more I get frustrated by people who are ungrateful. 

Personally, I think the food here is all more or less good. I came from a prison where we got bologna about ten times a week. Here, I can’t recall the last time we got bologna in our trays.

Many people here say the food is trash. I simply tell them I’m grateful for getting a tray to eat. I tell them many units in the state give paper meal sacks due to being short of staff. Here, people complain about the tray they get to eat instead of a sandwich in a paper sack.

I’m grateful for being able to go to the store. Many complain that the store is always sold out of all kinds of things – I tell them how I’m grateful for the things I can buy since many people have no funds to be able to buy anything at all.

I’m grateful for being able to sleep peacefully. Many complain this unit is trash – at many other prisons, you have to sleep with one eye open and your shoestrings tied at all times. I’ve heard many people arrive here and say they almost can’t believe they went from the jungle to a calm pond.

I’m grateful for being able to shower every day – not once do I recall the shower water temperature not being at the extreme end of cold or hot. Many complain that the showers are always crowded – I tell them that many other units don’t get daily showers due to being short of staff.

I’m grateful for being able to go to rec two or three times daily – the prison I came from, we only got rec once per month. 

I’m grateful for having inmate life coaches and field ministers who really do care about us – they have infinite amounts of wisdom and they have taught me many things. I learn the most when they are vulnerable and share their struggles in life; there have been several instances where I couldn’t believe how they really opened up about themselves – just because they are a life coach or field minister doesn’t mean they are better than other inmates. They have taught me to help others in all kinds of ways, even if it’s just by being a good listener. I have put that into practice. I daily listen to a neighbor. I can tell he simply needs someone to listen. Many times I have no interest in the topic, but I strive to be patient and listen to him.

I’m grateful for being in a more or less pest-free environment. I came from a prison where I had rats and roaches coming in my cell all day and night. Here, I don’t recall the last time I saw a rodent.

I’m grateful for having a library that contains so many books I want to read, and I can visit daily if I want to. At the other prison I was at, I could only get one or two books per month. 

I’m grateful for the many people here who have given me useful advice that I have implemented into my life. They care enough about me to help me become a better human being. Many people have motivated and encouraged me.   

To read a reflection on Cesar’s essay written by Michael Wayne Hunter, click here