Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 63

I received another visit today. It is always so good to be able to sit down and talk to her. She spoke to me about these journal entries; she was hurt by what I had to say about her. I never knew some of the circumstances that forced her to stop coming to visit me here. So there I say while my mother cried because of what I said about her. I felt all of two inches tall there. Who can feel good while making their mother cry? After we spoke and she magnanimously forgave me for my words we had a good visit. She is my mother and she can make me smile without truly trying. She can also make me cry so I guess it evens out.

I also heard from my attorney, he sent me the petition that he intends to send to the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles. Within those pages I discovered something that I was not previously aware of. While awaiting trial, my attorney had a battery of tests performed on me, one was a neuropsychological assessment. I recall these tests, but what I was not aware of was the results and what they say about me as a person. It was brought to my attention that I suffer from a neurological deficiency that hinders my ability to anticipate my action, or the consequences from them. Which is one of the questions asked of the jury to convict someone, whether they should have anticipated that a murder would take place. I never knew that this test says that I co9uld not have anticipated the actions of my co-defendant due to the neurological deficiency I have asked my state appointed attorney to file what is called a secessor writ on this issue to gain me not only a stay of execution, but in all likelihood it will bring me a new trial! I know most of you who read these pages do not believe ion God not in his power to overturn an injustice, but look at this, just when I need it the information is brought to my attention that not only gains me the coveted stay, but also will bring a new trial when I can better defend against the charges that have brought me here. I know that gross negligence with which my last trial attorney used to defend me against these charges and with that knowledge I will be better prepared to defend against them in a second trial. With this news I have renewed hope. The only problem that I can see is that with this new hope I am soaring into the sky, and as we are all aware, the higher you fly the greater the fall if it goes south on you. I am going to try and stay grounded as much as possible just in case my attorney cannot gain me a new trial. I will keep you informed in any new developments. I hope now I have many years to live.