Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 54

I have just returned from speaking to my lawyer. I am reminded of an old adage that says “you get what you pay for” and when it comes to attorney help here, that holds true. My lawyer was hired by the state and it shows. I have been speaking to another inmate here on death watch and he feels that a motion he is putting together has a good chance of gaining him a stay of execution. He is willing to help me by writing and filing a motion on my behalf. Problem is I do not have the money he asks to do this. I am going to ask my mother of she can afford to give it to me. I do not wish to fill this page with my financial shortcomings. My lawyer told me that the petition for clemency that he is putting together for me looks good. He seems shocked at the amount of support that has poured into his office from people.

I have difficulties believing my own worth. I have been told that I am not a productive member of society by a panel of my “peers” and that is the type of thing that can begin a person to start thinking that they are not worth anything. I know any of you have written to me telling me that this just is not true, but I still harbor doubts that I am not worth saving. My own lawyer says that he has doubts that Governor Perry will allow me to live. I plan to write to the governor personally on my own behalf to ask that he commute my sentence to give me life. If he refuses me then I guess that the death chamber awaits me.