Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 39

Well just like that I plummeted from the heights. I received a letter today from the Texas Defenders Service telling me that they couldn’t help me because of a conflict of interest due to the fact that I still have one of the states lawyers working my case. I had asked these people to help me fire this attorney in order to avoid a conflict of interest, yet here I am with the very situation that tried to avoid in the first place. It is for this reason that I try to avoid hope when it comes to saving my life. It is so difficult not to have hope. But then when I do get even a modicum of that hope that my life will be saved, I am dashed to the rocks below. So as I write this my body lies broken and torn, how can I place my faith in anything now? I have always thought God would save me, but even my faith in him has started to falter and wane. I have one more place to set hope, but am so afraid of doing so. The greater the heights soared, the greater the fall.

That is all I wish to write today. 51 days to live.