What’s Important to Us!

To have not walked in my shoes, you will never understand my gripe or plighted mind state! See walking the road I’ve traveled these last 11 years is to experience and witness a lot of pain, emotions, suffering and torment, from both self and others! Once you become an individual of incarceration you fall to the bottom of the totem pole! Fuck bottom you’re no longer on the pole at all! Your existence virtually becomes very minute to society! The common reasoning is always, “Out of sight, out of mind!” A saying I very much dislike personally because I feel like when you love and care for someone, such a notion shouldn’t even be possible! Do pPeople feel the same way about their family and loved ones who spend time away working for long periods of time? (ie, military, oil rigs, CDL truck drivers, etc.) Be that as it may one of the most misunderstood conceptions about prison and the way we live is, “What’s important to us, isn’t important to society nor the people in it!”

You must understand when you’re sent to prison you are reduced to the most simplest way of living. Recently as in the last 4–5 years state prisons have elevated themselves technology wise, in an attempt to improve communication and corresponding with family and friends! I mean prison is a multibillion-dollar corporation so why not cash in and at the same time aid those incarcerated in any way plausible? For the first I don’t know 3, maybe 4 years of my incarceration I endured the original style of doing time:; writing and looking to receive letters via mail correspondence, asking family and loved ones to go to a Wal-Mart or Walgreens to print out pictures, put them in an envelope and mail them off, and asking for in person visits cause that was the only way to see them! I understand that sometimes life out in society can be all of the above:; busy, chaotic, etc., however so can life inside! These things requested by the incarcerated population is more valued than I believe people understand! Everyday where I am “Mail Call” is at 3pm sharp. You won’t believe how we stalk the door looking to see if we’re receiving mail that day! We hate weekends because there is no mail handed out on the weekends here!

Why is mail so important? When the mail is running Monday through Friday psychologically it makes it seem as if the days are going by faster! On the weekends without mail, it seems as if the days drag! Another reason mail is important is because when that name is called for mail, it makes you feel seen, loved, cared for and/ or thought about! To know somebody took time out of their day, to either write you a letter, send you pictures, or send you money, it does a lot for your mental state! It eases that feeling that you’re alone and the world has forgotten about you, because you’re insignificant! To take time out of your day and actually sit down and write a letter means everything to us! I’ve never not responded to a letter, no matter who it came from! Receiving mail especially when you find yourself in seg. (the hole) for disciplinary purposes is essentially important, because it is your only source of communication with your loved ones and family! Mail keeps a lot of people sane and motivated to carry on and stay focused! Mail is something that will never lose its value in prisons!

Another thing that’s important to us, that is not necessarily important to society is: sending us pictures! When you have a big family with a lot of children, or family who doesn’t write letters, receiving pictures is of the upmost importance! Through pictures is how you watch the “babies” or “lil people” grow up! Pictures is how you live vicariously through your family and friends! Receiving pictures from my people while they’re out there living life and being great doesn’t depress me, it actually excites me, because I know if I was free I’d be in the mix! We’re already surrounded by more than enough depression, sadness, loneliness, and somberness, I in no way want my folks to be out there enduring the same thing! Everyday you’re not living, you’re just existing, taking up space, and in the way!

Since 2017, a lot of prisons have up-graded into the modern world of technology! What started out as kiosk machines on every wing, intended for us to be able to email back and forth with our family and loved one, then became Mp3 players which added a music system to advance our leisure time, finally becoming individual tablets you can purchase through the Inmate Commissary! Where you can email, play games, house paid for Mp3 player music, stream new music, read books, watch the news, and listen to some radio and podcasts! This elevated the level and accessibility that we and our loved ones have to communicate, even during times when we’re locked in the cell and/ orfor faster communication than waiting on a letter! Seeing as though 75% of the world’s population is on their phones anyway this was right on time! Now a days everything is on an app, you can email (write letters), send pictures, and even video visit, on your phone thorough an app! Emails are 3¢-5¢ each, pictures $5-$10, video visits $3-$5, yet you can still have people choosing not to participate, who still yell free you and how they love and miss you and can’t wait for you to come home! There are no excuses!

When I call people and I ask them to send me pictures, email me, or set up a video visit, and they lie say they did or will do it and never does it, it pisses me off! Or when the institutions intentionally take their time processing our mail, or the correctional officers decide they will pass out the mail, when they are good and ready! This is a way of the world telling us “What’s important to us, isn’t important to them!” and I get it, but when you decide to do something about it everybody looks at you like you’re crazy, misunderstanding, entitled, or the common criminal! When we’re none of the above, instead we’re human just like everybody else! When we tell you we’re going to do something from here, you expect us to do it, no “If”, “And”, or “Buts” about it, so how is it then a double standard when it comes to this? That’s your way of saying, because we’re incarcerated our lives isn’t as significant as yours! The duplicity that we are subjected to by the very people who we are fighting to better ourselves for, those who motivate us to want to be and do better, not just for self, but so we can be better towards and for them is insane! 65% of the disagreements or confrontations with individuals of incarceration and family & loved ones involved what I’ve just spoken about! It’s inexplainable, and it’s inexcusable!

Technology has left no room for excuses or valuable reasoning for you to get around not keeping your word, or being there for those you supposed to love and care about who are incarcerated! Again, these are things you would never understand unless you’ve endured them, and I wouldn’t wish that upon no one! So the advice I would give is when talking to someone of incarceration listen to them, attempt to empathize with them, and most importantly attempt to “seek to understand, than to be understood!” We already get a sense that we aren’t seen as significant, and that people don’t take us, our feelings, and what we’re going through serious! Don’t add yourself to that list due to a lack of understanding! It’s very clear what’s important to us, isn’t important to you, however it must become equally important because unfortunately that can be the difference maker in whether someone lives, dies or survives in prison! Believe it or not it matters and I’ve seen the pitfalls that this diluted notion has created and the results were horrifying!

Last but not least, understand that even when your intentions were pure and no ill-will was intended, this notion can still arise! We are surrounded by so much negativity every day, from other incarcerated individuals, staff members, correctional officers, etc. that even when we know maliciousness is not in your character, we can still at times gather that important things to us isn’t important to you! When you say things like, “It honestly slipped my mind,” or “Man all this shit going on I wasn’t thinking about that shit,” or “I ain’t gone lie that was the furthest thing on my mind.” It sets a precedent that we aren’t priorities to you! We’re often subjected to treatment or reasoning that wouldn’t be accepted vice versa and again that’s that double standard again! We’re human, people, just like you! It pains me that the world must be reminded of this only because we’re locked up! Sad to say but this is a part of “Incarcerated Hindrance!!!”