Scene: the darkest corner in the world. Setting: Pennsylvania’s State Correctional Institution Camp Hell (Hill). It’s the state’s worst hole. Here I sat, in a hard cell, in the middle of December butt naked and cold. Nothing made sense at this stage of my life. Nothing was going right.
A terrible day in my life occurred four months prior. “You’ve been sentenced to death. You’ll be remanded to a state facility where your execution will be carried out,” looped in my mind. A recent assault by Camp Hell guards did as well. Although I was bruised and not yet broken, I could still feel my fortitude weakening. It was me against the world. Who else could begin to fathom my plight? Who could lend me their Light until I recharged my own?
An unexpected act of kindness did kindle my Light. A letter had found me through the distance of space and time. It went along the lines of “Hi, my name is Mary. I am a member of an anti-death penalty organization (Human Writes). We’ve been made aware of your death sentence and would like to offer you a pen pal.”
Wow. Mary’s letter reminded me that some humanity continued to exist. It let me know I was not alone. It was not me against the world. Not when there are Souls out there who genuinely care.
I could feel a spark in me come to life. However, it didn’t hasten my decision to reply. There were a few self-sabotaging, steal your blessings questions I asked myself. What’s this pen pal thing all about? Am I deserving of one? What can I offer them? Will I be able to trust this individual? Eventually, I threw caution to the wind and replied. Then I forgot all about it. Per the norm in my life, survival took precedence. Surviving Camp Hell was at the forefront of my mind.
Many months would tick by before I was released from the hole. By then, I reached Pennsylvania’s ground-zero for death row: S.C.I. Greene. It sits tucked in the southwest corner of the state.
Half of its population is kept in total isolation. For the row, it was 22 hours on weekdays and 24 on weekends. You were only permitted 3 showers, 3 phone calls, and 1 noncontact visit per week. In here, you’re completely alone. With the dust settling after my arrival, I was beginning to feel it.
The year mark of my sentencing was approaching. My mood was somber. I needed a shot of Sun. One came from thousands of miles away on that very day. As I lay on the bed reading, a letter slid under the door. It bore a Royal Mail postmark, had a Queen of England stamp, and came from a Charlotte. I tore it open with the excitement of a kid on Xmas. She introduced herself to me. Ironically, she spoke of the Sun shining through her window as she wrote. She also mentioned her cat, Alfie, staring at her quizzically.
Charlotte’s letter wasn’t long. It was a brief icebreaker. Nonetheless, I could not stop smiling after reading it. I’d read it again for weeks on to recapture the vibes it gave me. It was lightning in a bottle the way it struck a chord in me. I wasted no time sending a bolt back her way.
Our first year of communicating was a learning adventure. She’d educate me on everything England. I’d learn some of the lingo to words like bloke, slag, wanka, and the often-heard cheerio. She’d tell me about her time at Uni (College), favorite food (Japanese), love of animals, and early interest in fashion journalism. I would be dazzled with stories and pictures of the places she’s been: Mallorca, Greece, France, Croatia. Every letter built the bones to a foundation in our relationship.
Charlotte is very family oriented. I would go on to learn about her tight-knit crew over the years. Before I knew it, I began interacting with them as well. Her parents are the coolest. Her big sister and I have shared many convos. Her younger sisters are just as cool. All of Charlotte’s people have been equally open arms with me, including her friends. So much so, I’ve become an extension of her family.
There is something I’ve gleaned from interacting with her people. It’s why she would write a convicted killer. Charlotte is a good-hearted person by nature. She’s a bringer of light to all those she loves. And with what time has shown, perfect strangers are not excluded. I believe it’s a testament to her upbringing. My interactions with her C-T crew validate it.
By now, one can surmise my feelings for her have become fully developed. How could they not? Who crosses an ocean multiple times to see someone? Who would brave their first ever blizzard to get to you? Who has your back when so many others have chosen to show you theirs? Who does this when others haven’t so much as given you a goodbye? Who stands by you when public perception has made you out to be radioactive? What kind of person imparts sage advice telling you, “Strength can be found in weakness.” Someone who loves you. A real friend!
Charlotte is a Godsend to me. She is my bestest (sic) friend in this great big world. I love her to no end. Sure, I love her smarts, consistent support, and nonjudgment. What I love more is the fact she SEES and appreciates ME. Her love isn’t duty bound by blood (familial) or likened to a friendship built early on in life. It’s an unbiased love formed from nothing. It’s love in its purest form.
Not counting the self-enrichment I’ve engaged in since being here, Charlotte is the best thing to happen to me. She inspires me to the point it feels like an army is behind me. Her belief in me has the power to push back doubt and kick my butt into motion. Ooh, how I detest the rain. But rainy days occur in this thing called life. When they do, she’s been there to grab my hand
So, l don’t feel alone. We walk between the raindrops, me and this Angel of mine. She’s been my umbrella making me feel safer, stronger.
It’s been 15 years of friendship. I continue to feel her love for me in every letter or email she sends. I feel it in every B-Day card she sends, never forgetting me. I smile uncontrollably when I’m surprised by her entourage’s chorus of “Happy Birthday!” It’s been 15 years of her flapping her wings on one side of the world. On the other, I’m responding with positive action. I’m empowered by her to be the best I can. I aim to never let her down. It’s not much. Just a pen pal who wants to be worthy of the Compassion extended to him.
To Charlotte, I say THANK YOU. Thank you for loving an imperfect person like me. Thank you for turning the worst day of my life into a Positive with having met you. You’re my best friend. Someone like you can never be replicated. I’m in awe of the person you are and thank you for not growing tired of me. Thank you for including me in your life.
Charlotte, you found me stumbling in the dark. You’ve watched me come out of my cocoon, stand on my two feet, and be ready to face whatever may come. I remain on death row, but ever since your entry into my life, it’s been a better place. Your love and support have strengthened me. It’s made the psychological warfare of the day in/day out less taxing. Your friendship has been food for my Soul. It’s helped me embrace my Light and let it shine unapologetically. I am forever grateful for your friendship. I am eternally thankful for your love. You are cordially invited into the club. Proceed to the V.I.P section of my heart. It’s a place few are permitted. Only Angels allowed. I love you!
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