Time Portal

Have you ever felt like you were in the twilight zone or had those moments of de ja vu? I’ve had those moments in my life many times. But it seems the older you get, the less of the magical moments seem to happen. Today was one of those mysterious days. The sun was beating down and it had only risen over the eastern sky, a little over an hour ago. I had been walking since before that and had no memory of waking up or going to sleep for that matter. But years of hard drinking was giving me memory loss and plenty black outs. This was a new one, I didn’t remember how I came to be waling endless miles in the desert, that I happened to be doing. There was nothing around, nothing, not a shack, not a road, not a gas station. But I suspected if I headed north, I hit the highway, 

Because of the distant flashed of sun hitting some kind of metal, but the miles dragged along, and I never seemed to get any closer. I felt another rock in my shoes decided to stop and shake it out. The sun seemed to beat down harder on my neck and back. My mouth got dryer. I reached for my smartphone; the clock was not working and there was no signal. Though there was power in it. Even the breeze seemed like it came from the mouth of hell to suck up any moisture. I had my wallet, no money, no water. Lost. Worse lost to the world. 

I remembered having some drinks in a bar last night, but that’s all, not good. I kept walking to those metal flashes reflecting from the sun. A couple of hours later, the sun had reached higher in its arc. My legs felt like they had arthritis, and my eyes might pop out of my head. I looked for shade, but there wasn’t any. The cactus looked like this cactus, that cactus liked that person, that cactus liked like it was smiling. That cactus looked like it was giving me the finger. They started to look familiar. God if I was going to see a miracle, why not a pool of water and trees like everybody else. 

My body stumbled along naturally now. Another step, then another, who cares if the sun is burning me alive, I don’t. I’ll die a shriveled red pepper to hell with life, no need for a burial. The vultures will have thanksgiving dinner on me. With that I fell face down on the hot burning sand, hitting small rocks and whatever else lay on the desert floor. I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I was on my back staring at the leaves and branches of a nice shady tree, bottle of cheap wine at my feet empty. I was definitely drunk, happy and in need of more liquor. I checked my wallet, smartphone, my backpack, everything seemed to be in order. I got up to head to nearby grocery store, so a few hundred yards out, I was out the shady bushy area I awoke in and onto the sidewalk headed to the store. I put my smartphone earbuds to my ear and started playing music, listening and jiving, Letting the lights of the city lead me along as the last of the sun disappeared towards Japan, farewell Okinawa, Kawashaki, Sushi, happy Honda and all that. Don’t eat poisonous fish, you could die. 

The night air was crispy and fresh. My head stuck on a liquor buzz and haze, then it hit me that I’d been there before, not the place, it was an event I witnessed before, a day I lived before. I wasn’t clear on what may seem so familiar. But I got that eerie feeling of De ja vu. I was supposed to be here for some reason. But I pushed all thoughts back and walked toward the grocery store and entered. I had been here years ago, but it couldn’t be that same day, it would be impossible. I slowly walked to the liquor section ignoring the very crowded people in the store, ducking and dodging, weaving my way. It all seemed exactly the same as before. 

I arrived at the liquor freezer, opened the doors to each for the 40 oz bottle, when a voice rose above the noise “can I help you” I thought great not another asshole who thinks I’m here to steal, you see I found what I came for, I got my help right here. But instead I answered “why think I’m here to steal, I got money” she said “no, Just doing my job” In a sweet voice, I turned carefully so as not to drop the 40 or lose my temper and then I stood face to face wand knew it must be de ja vu because I looked into the most beautiful face I had ever seen. I could never forget her and stared into eyes that sparkled like shining diamonds. I didn’t know the color of them. I was momentarily mesmerized. I retained my composure, but I was struck. I didn’t need to look at her body or talk, she was bad, she was special without a doubt. By looking at her face, it seemed she felt something also. I kept talking, sensing she was off balance “This is what I came for”, “Well is there anything else I can help you find”. Was I getting a second shot at life. It seemed too good to be true. I had never fallen in love and started a family like I always wanted. Should I just gamble and dive in on this headfirst without looking on this stranger, why the sense of de ja vu, a feeling I would never get another shot at love. 

“Well, I did want to buy a pen, but I don’t know what aisle it would be on.” 

She replied, “I do”. 

So, I followed smoothly, not caring what anybody thought, two lovers on a midnight stroll, like the whole world existed for us, two souls searching and finding each other. Moments and minutes went by, time didn’t seem to matter. She stood so close to me to show me the pens. Talking as if it was all a script we had memorized. I was robbing fate, but I couldn’t pass this up. Life’s too short to wonder why. So, when life throws a curveball you focus and swing. 

I asked for her phone number, said that I wanted to know her better. She gave it to me. From that moment on it seemed real, not an act or de ja vu anymore. I could make something out of this, and I did. We were hooked right off the jump, we spent almost all waking hours together, being serious with each other, playing with each other, kissing in every place imaginable, dressing up, nights of lace and nakedness and sheets. Soon after she became pregnant, and I asked her to marry me. It was something I wanted to do, I could not live without her and the next summer after we met, we were married. Her parents paid for everything, the had more money than the US treasury and shew as even more beautiful than we first met, stronger, smarter, more sure of things she wanted. This was our life, and she accepted whatever came our way so we lived together, the baby was born, a beautiful boy named after me and her grandfather. The child grew a year older, and it was time to visit her parents for the winter holidays. So the baby was placed in a child seat in the backseat of the car. I was in the driver’s seat, my wife in the passenger seat and off we went on a cold and rainy day, driving for miles and miles with rain bouncing off the roof, off the windshield, heater on, conversation light. We ascended the mountain road that led to her parents’ home, me slowing down so I could make all the curves, which didn’t matter.

When a big branch fell across the windshield, the same time an SUV happened to turn the corner and side swiped us. We went off the road, torpedoing right into a free, me flying out the door of the car, landing face down on the muddy ground. My wife and child instantly crushed and killed by the impact of the collision. I lay in pain a thousand jolts of pressure all over my body. I tried to get up but couldn’t. I lost consciousness. When I awoke, I could feel the heat, burning and blistering my body through my clothes, I looked around and saw that damn familiar desert. I got up, dusted myself off, as a tear dropped from my eye only to be dried up by the heat, before it reached my parched lips. I walked with new determination, heading right for the sparkling piece of metal. The sun was a couple of hours from sunset, now by the time I arrived at the shining metal. It turned out to be a two-pump gas station/convenience store. I walked in bought some water and chips with some change that just happened to be at the bottom of my pants pockets ignoring the clerk’s stare. As I walked out, I stopped to check my smart phone. There was still no signal, no clock, so I asked the clerk the time and date, it was 10 years before the last date I remember being in the desert. There was no feeling of Déjà vu, just an empty feeling of loss.