I am not the guy who writes about sunshine and flowers. I am not the guy who writes about rainbows and unicorns. I am not the guy who writes to convince people to build dreams based on fairy tales and a life lived in fantasy land. I AM THE GUY WHO WRITES ABOUT REALITY.
Reality is often ugly and depressing. Reality will frustrate and aggravate. What reality will NOT do is blind you to what is happening. In fact, reality will wash away the propaganda and hype and outright LIES that are used to deceive and fool and pacify.
For more than a year now, the wardens of Texas Death Row, along with directors and various other officials that pilot this gargantuan ship of mass incarceration that is called the Texas Prison System have been selling snake oil. Against all odds, and my better judgment, I even fell for it. THAT is not an easy thing for me to admit to people. Besides being a confirmed bachelor for more than two decades, I have always seen myself as the ultimate cynic. But I bought into the hype. In this case, the hype of Change and Hope.
This all began when Texas announced that it was going to contract with Securus to put electronic tablets into the prison system. I did not think Death Row would get them. You see, I have been on Texas Death Row for over a quarter of a century. I have spent more time housed in a cage here than I ever spent free with my family and friends in the world. I came to Death Row in 1996 as a 21-year-old newbie. At that time, Death Row had group recreation, inmate-led church services, a great arts and crafts program, and a work program where Death Row inmates could move around without being handcuffed everywhere they went.
They had new uniforms for guards. barbers, and work as trustees to help feed other Death Row inmates and keep the Death Row wings clean and running. There were TVs mounted on the walls and in the dayrooms. On the whole, the administration treated us fairly. ALL OF THAT CHANGED when Death Row was moved to what is now the Polunsky Unit in 2000.
For 20 years,there was open hostility toward Death Row from the majority of the prison officials. From the directors who ran the whole prison system to the wardens, majors, captains, and all the way down to the brand new officers who seemed to come in every few months. Almost everyone had a stomp-on-their-neck-and-grind-them-down attitude toward Death Row.
Around the time that COVID-19 was laying the world low, things started to slowly change. The attitudes were slowly easing. At least, that’s what we were led to believe.
That gets us back to TDCJ announcing that Securus tablets were on the way and myself swallowing the snake oil that was being poured out by the gallon! Remember, I was originally skeptical that Death Row would get the tablets, because for 20 years, TDCJ had been slowly stripping us of EVERYTHING that made life on Death Row bearable. For 20 years, they took and took. BUT … here was the actual DIRECTOR of TDCJ, Bryan Collier, in an interview. When he was asked if Death Row would be getting the tablets, he said YES, ESPECIALLY DEATH ROW. Our own illustrious warden, Daniel Dickerson, when asked about Death Row getting the tablets, said that we were going to be included. And while neither one actually SAID what we would have access to ON the tablets, they both implied that Death Row would have access to the entertainment content provided there: movies, video games, and podcasts. They BOTH talked about how they had a vision for the future, and how they want to inspire the men in prison to have HOPE and to feel like they are part of a community and not “prisoners locked away from society.” For over a year, Warden Dickerson has been talking about how things were changing, and that he was happy to see HOPE as part of that change. EVERYONE in the administration kept pointing to the future tablet rollout as PROOF that things were changing. Well, Thursday, Dec. 8, 2022, their hand was exposed, and this HOPE that everyone was pushing was proven to be BULLSHIT.
For all of TDCJ’s vaunted talk about change, about hope, and wanting people to think that things were getting “better” they showed that IN REALITY, there is still a “F#*k Death Row” attitude in place. YES, we ARE getting the tablets — but we are also still being punished simply for being on Death Row. While most inmates in General Population will have access to movies, video games, podcasts, newspapers/magazines, and a phone app they can use from their cells, ALL Death Row gets is access to the phone app for six hours a day, noon to 6 p.m., when most people we would want to call will be at work!
For 22 years we have been held in solitary confinement just because we are on Death Row. No group recreation, no religious services, no work program, no TVs, no art program. Then as COVID decimated prison staffing, making visits a thing of the past for a long time and cutting recreation down to just two days “WHEN POSSIBLE,” as guys were getting angry and frustrated and tired of being treated like shit every day — we were told that THINGS WERE GOING TO CHANGE. We were told to HAVE HOPE, that the tablets were coming.
So I bought the hype. I gave into their sales pitch of HOPE, and I believed that we would one day be getting the tablets, that we would be able to watch movies for the first time in two decades, that we’d be able to occupy our minds and not have to stare at the wall all day with nothing to do in these cages. Morgan Freeman, in the movie Shawshank Redemption, I’m paraphrasing here, says that HOPE is a dangerous thing to have in prison.
How right he was …
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