Then and Now
By Sarah Mecum
My hair stands on end
In your over ecstatic environment
My point of view
Has always been
On the outside looking in
To your glass house
As I threw rocks
To chase away my demons
It makes sense why
You never wanted me to come in
With my muddy feet prints
And dark circle eyes
I always thought
It was the rough side
That had kept me alive
Then I figured out
I didn’t need all that
To feel ok on the inside
Now I’m washing my shoes
And my hands
Replacing my stones with flowers
And waiting patiently to come in.
My Comeback
By Sarah Mecum
I have more confidence
Than I ever thought possible
In my world growing up
As a middle child
The only thing memorable
Was my mean girl attitude
Now I’ve grown into my feelings
I like to believe
That love is all anyone will see
When they look at me
My main goal is to have an obituary
The world could be proud of
That someone somewhere
Would pray for a repeat
Of the life of me
Because after all my time
Of negative feedback
I think it is about time
For a positive comeback.
If I
By Sarah Mecum
It’s so cold it hurts. The magic of nature continues to flip and flop so fast the wonderment floors me. I sit here to write daily, meditating, painting a picture of the prison lifestyle of boring. I think that’s why I spend so much time crouched over, pen glued to my hand, because if I wasn’t writing I’d be in bed counting the tic tock of time. Especially on the holidays, writing is my “more” to life that keeps me from sitting and eating my feelings. I can feel my patience growing. I’m not sad, I’m just a lobo who doesn’t want to run to others to be comforted. Some days I ask myself, where is the fine line drawn at antisocial, depressive, and normal. The big bad three with such variety that if you believe any one hard enough, you can manifest it in less than a week. Now that is scary prison behavior. I couldn’t have said it better except that I’m living the turning point as we speak. If I sleep too much, depression might grab hold. If I eat too much, I may never stop the addiction. If I sit here writing, I feel the possibility of hope. That maybe someone somewhere, will understand me better than I can understand myself. In the constant world of If I.
I’m Learning
By Sarah Mecum
I broke down today when she said, “You deserve to be treated good, just enjoy it.” So I will, because those words brought together all the reasons for my life’s will, the game of love, you so lovingly share, the repay of hope, I know is still there. Even when I feel inadequate, unable to give back what has been given. I could pretend that it’s all ok, but it’s hard to hide my soft side. The way the women here make me feel is so important to my life, to my health, and to the support I hope to give others like me, in my present and my future. As of now, I’ll learn to cope with the way joy makes me feel and learn better how to allow myself to begin to feel loved after all these years.
Awaiting
By Sarah Mecum
Everything is beginning to make sense to me
How my dreams are linking up
To what’s in front of me
My goals for the future
The thoughts that seemed too far away
Are now coming closer
The actions I create
Are my cure for disaster
I feel their eyes
Always on me
Awaiting
Thanksgiving
By Sarah Mecum
Religiously, it’s a big deal to me
It’s like the icing on the cake
Of humanity
The stuffing to the turkey
Of community
The gravy to the biscuit
Of culture
And our minds
Are how we choose to cook it
A meal of life
A favorite of season
A reason to speak, teach, and read
To our brothers, to our children
Doors
By Sarah Lynne Mecum
I can’t stop the dreams
of the rough ways I would
express my feelings.
But with a new age before me
I have faith that those doors will close
to new ones opening.
I have already changed
my daylight attitude,
so, now it’s a deeper chore
I have to completely do.
The internal reservoir of the old me
must be drained, cleaned, and a big
choice or two, of what’s real important to me,
to the future.
I’ll take it step by step.
The first being this paper
to express my deeper desire
to clean it all and start afresh.
Just breathe
one breath at a time.
Starting every day
with my cope of change.
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