Poem
by LaVon Chisley
Inside these four walls I’m locked in
Not stuck, memories retrace everywhere I’ve been
Aspirations and hopes sail me away
Stronger than the walls and bars ensuring I stay
I’m drained daily, labeled dispensable
Seventeen in, my mindset’s still invincible
Lost my fair share of family and brothers, good men
In all of the failures, I still yearn to win
An obvious battle of attrition
While publicly the war receives no mention
Pool talk, the cue ball is knocking all the colors in
Justice is a rich word, the destitute can never win
It’s my experience, the systematic cycle I’m in
Listening to the privileged speak on where they’ve never been
Concerning propriety, will equality ever be a verb for our society
Not just political talk for click chasers and notoriety
Hourly increasing, the state of emergency
Many unseeing, more inaudible, a growing need for urgency
Hopeful these words reach one, for what it’s worth
May one grow to two or three, so on and so forth
Counteractive, through any circumstances find gain
Continue to strive, seek the positives in spite of the pain
Silence can be deafening and deadly
Our actions are lively, do ‘em loudly
All Black Dollars
(A.B.D.)
By LaVon Chisley
Today’s an emotional overcast
Fall asleep rich with an overflow of feelings
Woke up poor, finality, but wanting more
A foundation was cemented, unparalleled
We invested a dollar and interest immediately accrued
Opposite the line but intent never skewed
Strenuous circumstances are adhesive to the souls
Motivating, comforting, ensuing a lifetime’s bonds and goals
An attraction to your wealth
A satisfaction of and by your value
An abundance of good qualities and characteristics you possess
Anything is possible
Never settle, believe in YOU, the way I do
In case the time has passed, love YOU, the way I do
Follow your heart and never chase what’s reluctant to YOU
Time is precious, so is self-worth
There are games in every microcosm of life
Just play to win and continue to set yourselves apart
Master your craft and strive for the best
One of one will always be different from the rest
Thank you for every moment, conversation, and lessons learned
The silence, in betweens, and what was forged
And though it’s bittersweet
Those memories propel my days and weeks
I’m holding onto your words as an enchantment of riches
My ode to the power of dollars
The plain but complicated
The beauty of your smile and green eyes
To the weakness of the moonlit sky
The power of the sunrise
The journey has just begun
I miss you DOLLAR
ONE!!!
Double Disconnect
By LaVon Chisley
As a society have we continued to advance
Technology connects us around the world before we glance
We can safely subdue the worlds largest, most dangerous wildlife
But Police & C.O.’s claim self-defence as they disregard black life
So forward, we’ve begun day trips to space
Yet, allowing Jim Crow tactics in prison taking slaveries place
Institutions deceive the masses under the plight of correction or rehabilitation
Disingenuously daily exposing our mental & psyche to inhumane decimation
You don’t wear 5x tees, use VHS’s, or own a flip phone
Is the inmate or prisoner before my name the reason this barbarity is condoned
We too urge for transparency and help with our mental health
Covid awakened the world to how isolation robs our internal wealth
Try to imagine 2020 for 5…10…or 20 years
Now take away the sunlight, your phone calls, or text to those who care
The strongest minds and bodies begin to dissipate
Hopeless bodies hang from cell fixtures, never to rejuvenate
R.I.P. to the oppressed lives lost that couldn’t wait
Heavy acknowledgements to those soldiering with no min or max date
This is live from my struggle, news from the 23 and 1
Getting burnt for food and showers and they hide me from the sun
This ain’t the Football Team, Atlanta Dream, or the Phoenix Suns
But double down on all those issues plus the fact we boxed in, no where to run
We need advocation Body-cameras (w/audio), Professionalism, Integrity, and Amendment of archaic Policy
We need help – Speak up about Prison Reform.
Humane treatment for all of Humanity
November 15
By LaVon Chisley
Didn’t want to wake up
Didn’t want to feel
Surrounded dead by concrete and steel
Tired of waking up
So tired of feeling
Inevitably inhaling and I’m still
I hate this day now
Resenting it ever happened
No way to rewind the time and steal
No mask to hide
It’s okay to fail but hopeless to never try
The last few years on this day I wish I was born still
For 2
By LaVon Chisley
If my thoughts/emotions were a bay, I’ve been trying to keep you ashore
Yet and still you find the tide each day, reaching depths I didn’t want explored
While people speak a million words they’re actionless, to who’s it benefit
The once radiant become a dull neglect, so I search for the glimmers left
Amorphous births shifting to the adolescence of xxx
BITTERSWEET
Encountering the desirable in the very situation you weren’t looking for
It’s the sustenance below your surface on which I adore
Fulfilling me with all the substances I need and more
DISCREET
Feelings like this illuminate the loneliness, late nights have you up in fret
Remembering days our bodies met, then the night dripping wet
Kissing lips and gripping hips, to permeate and penetrate in ways we can’t forget
Plentiful, the moments we shared making memories that only love begets
DELETE
I can’t help but to wonder what it was like in our time before
Before you and I were this mixture
And abundance of open doors, more obvious than the one we’re searching for
If the essence of your womanhood would still be a jewel that I ensure
But, that’s far from reality and even further into obscure
COMPLETE
I won’t push you away, because you’ve truly been a Godsend
All the pain and open wounds your love has come to mend
Sleepless I sit drifting into a muse
Reflecting on connecting and this bond turned you to my Muse
Good vibes the way we coincide and sharpen one another’s views
Entirely I appreciate you and your dedication to lifting me from the blues!
The Meaning
By LaVon Chisley
Some days, it’s my best to bide time
A hidden art, I let flow, sometimes words rhyme
Trauma experienced; I can’t leave behind
Moments turned memories etched in my mind
What I see, hear, or feel become planted seeds
I nurture those notions and let the elements feed
Life that sprouts from my pen regardless of the weeds
Where I’m accountable for all my good and bad deeds
Comforting times speak on what I fear
Put them in hypotheticals and act as if it’s not there
Allude to my strengths, no boast, just allure
Even recollect times of conceit, acknowledging the insecure
Delve into the obscure or skim the cosmetics
Salvage what’s pure or salvage the art of semantics
A substitution for the cannabis or opioids
A mass or matter to fill the holes and voids
Conveyance of desirable sunset stimulations
Or extraordinary, sunrise revelations
Figuratively, fight against my oppressors
Literally a reprieve from my stressors
Composing hope for the incurable
A refueling for the already durable
The many battles inside of the war
All the evils and hate we pretend blind to or don’t listen for
A voice for the voiceless, these words are my air
For you to see and no longer excuse you didn’t hear
My kick at society’s door, at life again.
Maroon Stance
By LaVon Chisley
Furred backs,
Vindictive souls,
A daunting exile,
Shushed and unjustly left for dead,
Unknown environments,
Underway comradery,
A desolate terrain,
Trained to endure and primed to survive,
Lifeless relationships,
Neglected pleas,
A tarnished legacy,
Gossip xxx and wished harm,
Accepted wrongs,
Determent rights,
A novel turning point,
Spirited and very much alive.
There are no unaffected in these unfavorable circumstances but there are the many resilient who will grow in any environment…No easy ways, no easy days,
No instant gratification! Endure & Pray
MAROON STAND
By LaVon Chisley
Turned backs,
Vindictive souls,
A daunting exile,
Shushed and unjustly left for dead.
Unknown environments,
Underdog comradery,
A desolate terrain,
Trained to endure and primed to survive.
Lifeless relationships,
Neglected pleas,
A tarnished legacy,
Gossip libel and wished harm,
Accepted wrongs,
Determined rights,
A novel turning point,
I’m spirited and alive.
…From my experience and observations thus far there are a multitude of circumstances/environments of which society is well aware, good will rarely be produced. Hence, the elements of admiration and mystique in the adage “Concrete Rose”. The epitome of persistence and finding the will to, not just sustain but, grow in a clearly unfavorable situation. No easy ways, no easy days, no shortcuts, and no instant gratification…ENDURANCE AND PRAYER –
“Man will only become better when you make him see what he is like.” – Anton Chekhov
FOUND
By LaVon Chisley
There I once stood
Cold & Numb, falling in a bottomless pit
When no one else could
You gave me ground & a flame was lit
Now I stand astounded
As if each day with you is time rewound
If a moment is a memory
I pray for an infinity that never end
The strength to never break
Understanding when it’s necessary to bend
Let the moonlight rest my body
And the sunshine wake me to repeat this process again
Lord I need your blessing to win.
UNTITLED
By LaVon Chisley
I dwell were only the strong survive
Sentenced to do or die
Matters of opinion no longer matter
Airless voices, unheard
Anything of importance said with my hands
Awaiting the calm before my last stand
Conversing with myself how’s and why
Feeling death would be better
Hiding tears, muffling the cry
The ugliest burden in the sly
Lest my heart not turn black
In this noose there remain enough slack
Those I love are growing old
More and more situations in which I have no control
The impressions of my fingertips on what I’ve held
Expediently wash away with no yield
We’re all living to eventually die
But I’m dying to live.
FOOLISH PART 1
By LaVon Chisley
How do you miss something you’ve never had
Something you don’t know makes you so sad
To look in on it makes you mad
Hearing it tossed around like some fad
Where was it when I needed
When I first started cutting up and getting weeded
Feels like I heard it from everybody
Never accepted it from anybody
For so long felt it for nobody
When I said it for the first time
We went further than kissing, I hit
Just as fast as it left my lips, I split
True I felt bad, even worse when she cried
That part of me unborn or at birth it died
Be tough, emotions imply weakness
Deal with everything on the surface, no deepness
Then you feel but what, just confused
Betrayed, deceived, and misused
My heart singing and singing the blues
Fucked up insight and ignorant views
So young and feeling the pain
So to cope, I hurt, just to gain
Who’s to judge me wrong or right,
Lonely tears at night
With no help, near or far, in sight
Coming to want different but not knowing how
I’d bottle it all up then burst, so foul
I just did you how you did me
I didn’t mean it, don’t be mad, can’t you see
When I needed you, you ran
I was scared, a kid and you couldn’t even hold my hand
From what I’ve heard you brough me into this world
A blind product of a head over heels boy and girl
For what it’s worth I held only resent for you
So in 2002 when I finally met you
I had no trust and could only neglect you
Even running away wouldn’t let me forget you
Something who birthed me couldn’t say or do
So how’s it fair you come in this form like you do
Damn your hurt and I know you know this
Making me feel like hours of sex with a simple kiss
I need you to never again bring me pain
Okay, I promise to never use you in vain
I don’t feel deserving after all this time
How do I know you won’t leave, will you always be mine
Maybe we should both take a day
Figure out if we mean what we say
Don’t get mad, I just need to make sure you’re right
I mean look at my past, what happens if we fight
Will you be by me thru dark and light
Not just convenience or time to time
I need to feel you, all day and all night
When I slip, know you’ll reach for me
Pull me even closer and continue to teach me
Tell you my deepest secrets and confide
Insecurities and flaws you’ll hide
Don’t give me that look, you said you wouldn’t judge
So even when you’re mad, don’t hold no grudge
Because I’m so far from perfect
So honestly, do you think I’m worth it?
… Take my hand, let’s continue elsewhere, you and I, PRIVATELY!
FOOLISH PART 2
By LaVon Chisley
I’ve been waiting for forever for this one on one
Overdue, this sitdown, just us two
I imagined you a Giant, all the pain you caused my heart
I’m skeptical where we should even start
To sit in your presence feeling shame
So many thoughts run thru my head saying your name
Love, L-O-V-E, Ms. Love
I can’t say it’s a pleasure, meeting my biggest fear
I wanted to torture you like you did me all these years
Causing so much grief, blood, sweat, and tears
But now that I have your undivided raw essence
A man, no longer a weak adolescent
I need an explanation, I need to know why
I won’t let your hand go or let you run
I don’t care how much you cry
Now it wasn’t you, go ahead play dumb
I won’t make this easy, you couldn’t have expected fun
No more silent treatment
Was I a joke or your enetertainment
What about 1983
Yea h, the birth of me
I though I was your wish
Oh, I messed up your dreams
A mistake… what you mean it’s not how it seems
I can’t believe you’re saying this shit
You never gave me a chance, You quit
You left me so torn, so confused
All the betrayal, all kinds of abused
Same ole excuse, “Because I Love You”
I used to pray for you, sometimes, “I hated You”
Your absence created burning passion
More forceful than the biggest wave crashing
Strengthened mentally and physically, living outward
Weakened spiritually and emotionally, dying inward
Witnessed at such a young age
Actions of adults I gauged
Gazes that scowl
No love in those eyes, Wow
Damn, Bitch, you hurt me
Repulsed, deserted me
Deserving of no name like he
Who created and never attempted to see
It’s only now I can lament
Look at that rose that cracked the cement
Cursing your disdain, won’t be hell-bent
It is what it is, no more resent
Awakened, not dead or mourning
To hot to sit, let’s walk through my journey…
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