Poetry by James Smallwood

Presidents’ Day
By James Smallwood

We remember our leaders, on Presidents’ Day
Things they accomplished, and paved the way
From our founding fathers, in the revolution
With the Declaration of Independence and Constitution
Then the Louisiana Purchase, and freeing the slaves
So many lives, that so many have gave
Digging through mountains, and removing boulders
With the weight of our country, on their shoulders
Sending Americans to wars, that lost their lives
Then having to look, at their children and wives
Knowing the heartbreak, they must have felt
While playing the hand, they’d been dealt
In charge of so many, making horrible choices
While trying to listen, to everyone’s voices
While in office, they age so quick
By making decisions, that made them sick
Taking chances, that most men wouldn’t take
Making a stand, most men couldn’t make
We don’t give them the respect, they truly deserve
For making those choices, while they served
But I for one, have a great appreciation
For every U.S. president, that’s served our nation

MLK
By James Smallwood

Martin Luther King was a legendary man
For peacefully leading a legendary stand
The values he had, and his unique views
Are now celebrated by both me and you
Marching and preaching, in a demonstration
Trying to put an end, to discrimination
Telling us his dream, in a passionate speech
Trying to bring us together, trying to teach
Because of the values, that he had shared
Saying things, that most never dared
Other racist garbage, hated what he’d said
That’s the reason, he wound up dead
Trying to bring together, our divided nation
Ended up causing, his assassination
The reverend was aware, of what was at stake
But making his stand, he decided to make
Giving his life, trying to bring us together
Is something we’ll remember, now and forever
Still to this day, he continues to teach
We celebrate his dream, as a priceless speech

Heros and Villains (1)
By James Smallwood

In movies and life, there’s heroes and villains
One saves people, one does the killing
But it’s not always, that black and white
Where is the line, between wrong and right
I murdered someone, which was totally wrong
After being tortured and abused, for so long
I had no hero, he even owned the police
I had only one choice, to make it cease
He was a villain, our whole family knew
But by killing him, I became one too
After threatening my son, I granted Mindy’s request
And protecting our family, I couldn’t truly confess
So we both became villains, also as well
By sending another, straight to hell
It cost me my life, to end everyone’s pain
He drove my mama, completely insane
But daily I regret, my horrible decision
That’s sent me away, to go die in prison
Whether you’re a hero or villain, that’s your choice
Make your decision, be your own voice
It doesn’t matter, if you protect family and friends
It can cost you your life, don’t try to pretend
Life’s not a movie, it’s not that easy
I know it’ll sound, pretty damn cheesy
Just walk away, choose not to fight
Being a hero or villain, can be wrong and right

SPND
By James Smallwood

In my new environment at SPND
These inmates keep whispering, but smiling at me
Most keep their distance, afraid to come near
Knowing my past, and I have no fear
With the pissed off look, and scowl on my face
They see my anger, at being misplaced
My mind keeps racing, I’m confused inside
My heart is broken, as I’ve secretly cried
I’m out of my element, I feel out of place
I’m unable to glimpse, one friendly face
I keep to myself, I’m completely alone
Only voices I know, I hear on the phone
My big brother and best friend, remains in only
While at SPND, I’m heartbroken and lonely

Heros and Villains (2)
By James Smallwood

Even in real life, there’s heroes and villains
Some save lives, some must kill ‘em
Yet there’s times when lines become blurred
Not fitting precisely, what we’ve always heard
Sometimes the actions, justify the means
While rising from ashes, it’s hard to stay clean
There’s real life heroes, who’s never recognized
Looked at as villains, they’re hated and despised
Heroes and villains, aren’t simply black and white
Some do things wrong, to protect what’s right
Life’s not a movie, where you can cut or delete
Life’s not scripted, and so nice and neat
Some give their lives, as a sacrifice
I’m one of those who paid, the ultimate price
I’ll always regret, what I’ve done
But I was just trying, to save my son
My family disowned me, I’m now rejected
For sacrificing my life, to keep them protected
I’m dying in prison, with no loved ones near
That’s the only way, that I’ll leave here

Music
By James Smallwood

Music’s universal, we all love and adore
Like classical, reggae, and so much more
Country, rap, jazz and pop
Rock, R&B, the choices don’t stop
So many forms of beauty, and inspiration
All different kinds and variations
If it’s someone’s voice, and what they’ve wrote
Or maybe the beats, or sound of the notes
Artistic and unique, in what it displays
Artistic and unique, in its own way
Music gets us dancing, fast or slowed down
It makes us smile, some make us frown
Music helps us cope, as we drink and binge
It can also enrage, and want revenge
Maybe someone cheated, who was your lover
Or being beaten, by father or mother
We all use music, for many different reasons
There’s even different music for different seasons
I’m not closeminded, I love it all
I’m told “eclectic”, is what I’m called
I don’t exclude others, with discrimination
I use others’ stupidity, for my motivation
I put on all kinds, and turn it up loud
I listen to all kinds, I’m eclectic and proud

My Emotional Cancer
By James Smallwood

I’m at the prison hospital as a staff worker. It’s called The Lois Deberry Special Needs Facility. There are all kinds of people here who have different kinds of problems, both mental and physical. The prison itself is a great environment for people who aren’t trying to do illegal stuff or who can’t follow simple rules. It’s safe, clean, respectful, well structured and obviously has the best of health care than the other prisons. Considering the prison that I came from before, which was exactly the opposite of this prison, you’d think I’d be happy. After all, I’m not trying to do anything illegal whatsoever. I don’t drink, do drugs, rape, rob or participate in any kind of gang activities. I respect both the inmates and the staff. I wish everyone only the best in life and I’m well mannered. I open doors for people, I smile at everyone. I do everything that I can to be the best person I can be. However, I’m miserable here. It’s not anything that anyone has done to me. As a matter of fact, everyone has been kind, helpful, respectful and nothing but good to me here. Yet I’m still miserable. You see, regardless how many perks there are her at this prison, I miss the people from the other prison. I was there for over 22 years. I grew up and grew old with both inmates and staff. I have no family or connection to the outside world. I haven’t had a visit in almost 20 years. After being disowned by my entire family (who I still love), I had to make do with what I had, inmates and staff. It’s like any group of people in life, there’s good and bad. Now there were way more bad inmates than good, roughly 90% bad and maybe 10% good ones. The exact opposite with staff members. About 85% good ones and 15% bad ones. Regardless the numbers, I learned to keep to myself. I had a very small circle of inmates that I considered friends of mine who I cared about. yet I had a lot of staff who I cared for. It was always nothing but professional and I obeyed anything they said, regardless good or bad staff, I obeyed them. I chose my environment by coming to prison. I’m not going to hate a staff member for doing their job. They have to feed their families and they didn’t commit the crime, I did. My point is that while in prison, an inmate chooses not only those that they associate with, but how they do their time. They can do stupid stuff and make their time harder or be smarter and make their time easier. An old inmate saying is, “Do the time, don’t let it do you.” Well, for the last 22 plus years at TCIX, I did the time. Yet now in this wonderful prison environment, I’m all alone, scared, heartbroken and confused. I’m going to keep being the best possible person that I can be. However, on the inside, the loneliness is eating at me like an emotional cancer. Slowly but surely devouring me. I smile at everyone but on the inside I’m crying and dying from heartaching loneliness. My flesh and blood family disowned me for protecting our family from pure evil. Now my prison family has done the same. They sent me to the prison hospital to go lay down and die. I tried to keep from leaving them but they didn’t care enough to listen or help me. I don’t have the guts to kill myself; I’m afraid of death. However, I’m so miserable and have such a meaningless existence that I pray for death. Every night I pray for God to either help me get my prison family back or let me die instead. I beg God to please not let me wake up in the morning. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’ll die in prison; I know that. As of right now, it seems like the sooner the better. I’m lonely, and this “emotional cancer” is killing me.

SPND Ain’t For Me
By James Smallwood

I’m surrounded by garbage, everywhere in here.
But losing my temper, is what I most fear.
So I do my best to be polite and kind.
My training taught me, to use my mind.
The discipline and respect, I learned in martial arts.
Keeps me grounded and keeps me smart.
Outthink opposition, and avoid all violence.
So I walk away, and keep my silence.
Inside me I’m pissed, and want to shout.
But I’m afraid of myself, and blacking out.
I don’t want to hurt, or kill again.
But that demon resides, deep within.
I pray to God, I don’t fade to black.
Unable to control it, once I attack.
They don’t understand, they don’t have a clue.
That I won’t remember, the moment I do.
So I keep to myself, and remember my training.
Dismissing the junkies, who keep complaining.
Mad at the staff, because they have no dope.
Mad at themselves, because they can’t cope.
Unable to process, and deal with their time.
Ashamed of themselves, for committing the crime.
So I stay to myself, and keep quiet as well.
Simply waiting for death, in a concrete cell.

Our Extinction
By James Smallwood

We are such a stupid species…We are unable to see or apparently care that we’re causing our own demise…Daily we take ourselves closer to extinction by our very own actions…We all know that we’re killing the very planet that we live on. Yet I’m not even talking about that part of it. No, I’m referring to one simple action… one simple word causing our extinction…Hatred…So many people hate others simply because they don’t agree with them. We’re consumed by hatred so much that we can’t truly embrace love…An individual can’t completely and fully feel, embrace or enjoy REAL love if that person is consumed by hatred…It’s like two sides of a magnet that repel each other…They simply counter each other…During the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln stated, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”…Well in due time, it will be the same for our species itself…You’ll eventually see that “a species divided against itself cannot survive”… We’ve watched as Israel and Palestine keep on fighting in a war that’s lasted for over three thousand years…As two countries fight each other over a God that neither sees…but both believe…Common sense would make BOTH realize that God would want them to show love, compassion, understanding and acceptance…To simply agree to disagree and live in peace…Yet the moment there’s a ceasefire and it seems like peace has a chance…Someone consumed by hatred reignites a spark and kindles the flames of hatred…Then both side become more heated, stoking those flames and sooner or later the fire itself will consume society as a whole, as the hatred keeps spreading. So it comes down to our own narcissistic views and personal beliefs. That’s what’s wrong with society. So we’re all doomed to extinction because of one simple word…Hatred.

TDOC Staff
By James Smallwood

I’m sentenced to die, for my one bad decision
But I still respect every person in prison
I respect all inmates and all of the staff
To lighten the mood, I make everyone laugh
But if I’m honest and 100% real
TDOC staff have balls of steel
Surrounded by serial killers and rapists as well
Who carry diseases and constantly smell
Taking an oath to protect and serve
Which most inmates don’t actually deserve
Severely underpaid by the department of corrections
With mandatory overtime and daily inspections
Constant security checks but after their rounds
They must do it again, they can’t sit down
Then there’s callouts that they must yell
Waiting for inmates to come out of their cell
Once callouts are over, security checks again
Repeating the process that never does end
On top of that, there’s so much more
Like after every count, they must key every door
This was merely one inmate’s observation
After over 20 years of incarceration
It takes strong people with lots of grit
It takes strong people not to just quit
How they do it, I truly can’t explain
I’m actually shocked they’re not insane
TDOC staff give protection to society’s rejections
They’re severely underpaid by the department of corrections

Critical of the Political
By James Smallwood

Politicians are crooked, which is ironically odd
Acting holier than thou as they talk about God
They can lie to us but not God above
He knows the truth and what they love
Not all are dishonest, trying to scheme and steal
Some wanna make a difference and keep it real
With the disgraceful it doesn’t take long
The truth comes out once they’ve done wrong
Perhaps adultery or something shameful as hell
Like taking bribes, with their votes for sale
Whatever the case, we see the disgrace
As their true colors rear its ugly face
God bless my mama ‘cause she’s now dead
But here’s a politician joke, she always said
Politicians are liars, it’s been proven
We know they are lying ‘cause their lips are movin’
But don’t be discouraged by what I wrote
Every single American should cast their vote
I’m not pushing my party or my personal choice
It’s your American right, and your vote’s your voice

Lonely in Only
By James Smallwood

Lonely in only, falsely accused by staff
Lonely in only, they all point and laugh
Lonely in only, it never matters what’s true
Lonely in only, it’s what they wanna do
Lonely in only, I’m disappointed and sad
Lonely in only, I’m not angry or mad
Lonely in only, I wish all staff the best
Lonely in only, I say to all God bless
Lonely in only, I’ve for over 20 years
Lonely in only, I’ve been kind and sincere
Lonely in only, I do everything correct
Lonely in only, I show everyone respect
Lonely in only, until my dying day
Lonely in only, I’ll do what they say
Lonely in only, I’m trying my best
Lonely in only, I’m bleeding from stress
Lonely in only, I’m prey in this pod
Lonely in only, I’m looking real odd
Lonely in only, my environment has changed
Lonely in only, I’m surrounded by gangs
Lonely in only, I can’t eat or sleep at night
Lonely in only, with no help in sight
Lonely in only, I don’t come out my cell
Lonely in only, I’m going through hell
Lonely in only, from behind my door
Lonely in only, I cry and bleed more
Lonely in only, I miss my pod and my cell
Lonely in only, I miss my friends as well
Lonely in only, I can’t stop crying
Lonely in only, I’m bleeding and dying
Lonely in only, I’m stressed and lonely
Lonely in only, I’m dying, I’m lonely

Marriage
By James Smallwood

My view on marriage is exceptionally odd
I personally believe it’s a promise to God
Be extremely careful of the words you’ve spoken
Because a promise to God should NEVER be broken
To me that’s blasphemy’s very definition
Make sure you’re ready before that decision
No matter when, where, no matter who or how
You’re promising God when you take your vows
Don’t take it lightly, it’s a real big deal
Telling God and everyone just how you feel
At the altar, you’re both joined together
Making memories to treasure forever
Looking in each other’s eyes while holding hands
With her as your woman and you as her man
In front of friends and family and God above
You both pledge your lives and also your love
Realize the burden that you’ll both carry
Because you both become one, once you marry
For richer or poorer, until you’re both old
In sickness and health, to have and to hold
To love, honor, and cherish for life
You forsake all others, as husband and wife
Placing the rings on your fingers, you’ve locked it in
You can’t ever divorce, it’s an unforgivable sin
You’ve both promised God and pledged your heart
You’ve both promised God ‘til death do you part
There’s no excuses, once you’ve been married
You’re both now one, until you’ve been buried
Yes I know that my view is odd
But marriage is a promise you make before God

Love or Lust?
By James Smallwood
You can’t judge a book only by its cover
And looks don’t determine who’s a good lover
There’s other things you must account for as well
You must look deeper, before you can tell
Don’t be superficial, that’s not right
Some wonderful things aren’t in plain sight
Beauty is more than only skin deep
Unless you’re shallow, wanting worthless and cheap
But if you want love and genuine affection
You must look in a different direction
But love is priceless and real hard to find
You must commit yourself heart, soul, and mind
You give your all as you take that leap
Searching for love is more than skin deep
Don’t shortchange your heart, that’s just a crime
Get to know each other, love takes time
Love is precious, love don’t come quick
You must have a spark, you both must click
Love’s not something you find on an app
Those who believe that are full of crap
Sure, online you see them and you may lust
But after you meet, they must earn your trust
That’s not something earned in one night
Trust is earned when the moment is right
If it’s only one time that you want sex
That’s your decision, just move to who’s next
You must invest in love and affection
Or else your heart will suffer from rejection

Humor
By James Smallwood
A sense of humor is priceless as hell
Having good jokes that you can tell
Simply making someone laugh really loud
Makes me happy and feel really proud
Laughter being the best medicine is so true
It releases endorphins for me and you
It warms the heart for a little while
And it feels good just to smile
A comical movie makes so much money
Because people enjoy something that’s funny
We love pranks and funny videos too
On TV and the Internet, we constantly view
Even stand-up comedy is lots of fun
But it can’t be done by everyone
I’m addicted to comedy like it’s cocaine
I love to laugh and be entertained
I know when I laugh I feel my best
I know that comedy eases my stress
I feel so happy if just for a while
I enjoy the feeling of wanting to smile
In my environment that’s so rare
So much hatred and meanness, it’s not fair
So I turn to comedy whenever I can
To overcome the hatred, that’s my plan
So I love comedy, it’s so appreciated
I love feeling good and motivated
Let me hear a joke, if you have one to tell
I’m begging you please, make me laugh like hell

Trump
By James Smallwood

Mr. Trump was a horrible and mean president
Not knowing what that position meant
I won’t lie, I supported him at first
Until he did things that made him the worst
I originally liked him for being so real
I was tired of politicians who’d lie and steal
He’d say things both truthful and funny
It wasn’t like he needed the money
But then he changed and started to lie
Doing a horrible job, he didn’t even try
I was disappointed at his racist views
Calling COVID-19 the “Chinese kung flu”
He’s the president, he’s supposed to teach
Don’t tell citizens to shoot up bleach
Grabbing women by the crotch, he said on tape
It turned out he also commented on rape
I can’t lie, I was so ashamed
While it was others that he blamed
Not taking responsibility, was so disrespectful
While treating the presidency so neglectful
I was one of the few that once believed
But admitting the truth, that we were deceived
But to all the others, still living the lie
Just admit the truth, Trump’s a horrible guy

Karma
By James Smallwood

I believe in karma and know that it’s real
Karma saves lives, and karma can kill
No matter in life, where you go
You always reap what you sow
There’s people in prison, innocent of the crime
But karma knew of things they did over time
Maybe they did something to family or friends
But karma caught up and will always win
Remember that about karma before you act
Karma will always have a chance to react
What goes around comes around is so very true
It happened to me and it’ll happen to you
Just be the best person that you can be
And in due time you’ll eventually see
Always be nice and wish everyone the best
I can’t live your life, I can only suggest
Your just desserts you’ll always receive
Karma is real and you best believe
Everyone’s karma is eventually fulfilled
Just remember what I said, karma is real

My Sad Surrounding
By James Smallwood

As some of us convicts talk in the pod
We’re surrounded by garbage who think they’re God
Gang members drunk on imaginary power
Escort fellow members back and forth to the shower
Not going by themselves, simply out of fear
That’s why these cowards join gangs in here
Unable to defend themselves like a real man
Alone in a fight, none of them will stand
Just choosing a color as one of the troops
Just another coward joining another group
Scared of opposition and being alone
Scared of manhood and acting grown
Without their “buddies,” they’re afraid to speak
With their buddies, they prey on the weak
Stealing and robbing from others real quick
And doing other things that make me sick
I won’t describe exactly what they do
But acting like animals inside the zoo
No respect, no trust, no chance at peace
No dignity, no morals, no chance at release
By joining the gang, they thought they were clever
But once they’re in, they’re in it forever
Overruling their family, their children, and wife
Once they’re a member they pledge their life
The existence of gangs is pathetic and sad
I never joined and for that I’m glad

Snitches
By James Smallwood
Inmates that snitch are beaten and cursed
Because snitches in prison are considered the worst
Why they snitch most can’t envision
Wanting a badge once they’re in prison
When anyone’s busted with alcohol or dope
It prevents the weak from allowing to cope
Our prison economy then loses money
Raising the tensions which isn’t funny
Less drugs around means less money flowing
Bartering and trading keeps everything going
That’s what makes our economy go around
But snitching hurts it and slows it down
This raises tempers of those in the pod
Then others start stealing and doing things odd
Once the heated tempers start to ignite
That’ll incite others to fight
Drugs and money help keep the peace
With it gone, the violence will increase
But that doesn’t matter to the worthless snitches
That’s why we view them as worthless bitches
They must open their eyes, don’t be so blind
They live in this prison, it’s where they’re assigned
Regardless of drugs, alcohol, or food out the kitchen
Mind your business and quit your snitching

Sleep
By James Smallwood

Sleep is a requirement that everyone needs
Like drinking water or having to feed
I love sleeping, if truth be told
But there’s a saying, that’s really old
Sleep brings nothing but only a dream
Although that’s true, sleep’s more than it seems
Because I’m not in prison while I’m asleep
Especially when I sleep real deep
Sometimes dreaming, sometimes memories of my past
Moments I treasure that passed so fast
Dancing in my head are memories and visions
Not thinking of the hatred inside of this prison
My temporary escape from incarceration
Just an aberration or hallucination
Experiencing my memories of love and affection
Trapped in myself for my own protection
I’m reluctantly sad, every time I wake
I’m reluctantly sad that it was fake
Sometimes they’re good dreams, which I always crave
Sometimes they’re nightmares, haunted from the grave
When I go to bed and close my eyes
I’m usually granted with a pleasant surprise
As visions and memories dance in my mind
It’s the only peace and freedom I’ll ever find
I remember loved ones, I don’t count sheep
I remember good times, as I fall asleep

Censorship
By James Smallwood

American’s CAN’T be censored, it’s not right
But daily, constantly we lose that fight
When the FCC censors ANYONE’s views
It’s American rights that we all lose
Censoring nudity and profanity on our television
Eliminates our rights to make a decision
When ANYTHING’s censored, it’s disrespect
This is something we must correct
It doesn’t matter, if it’s black or white
Our flag grants every American rights
It can’t be voted on at ANY election
Our flag grants us eternal protection
When we use God to make the decision
We place freedom into a prison
We must break the shackles and the chains
We can’t keep freedom restrained and detained
It doesn’t matter, it’s not a choice
Censorship destroys our right and voice
To protect our freedom from elimination
We must end censorship and discrimination
We must end freedom’s incarceration
Returning our freedom back to our nation

New Year’s Eve
By James Smallwood

I did something that I’d never conceive
And confessed to murder on New Year’s Eve
To die in prison is what I received
To protect my family, I had to leave
Ever seeing them again, I’ll never achieve
I’ll be rewarded with death as my only reprieve
Over 20 years alone, I know and believe
Upon my death that no one shall grieve

The Restriction Addiction
By James Smallwood

Religious politicians have a harmful addiction
With destroying freedom with laws and restrictions
They seriously seem to get a thrill
With each right that they kill
Their only response is “God said so”
“He don’t like it, so it’s gotta go.”
I simply reply, “God don’t preach hate.”
And there’s separation of church and state
But everyone’s born with God’s free will
Just consider how someone else feels
You’re using God as a distraction
To gain your own personal satisfaction
But restricting them rights causes them grief
Destroying American freedoms with personal beliefs
We’re constantly seeing as each bill passes
The freedom haters and conceited asses
Restricting abortions and the gays as well
Screaming loudly, “You’re going to hell!”
So much hatred in their tone and voice
Taking Americans right at a choice
So inconsiderate and so self-serving
Taking what Americans are all deserving
By passing restrictions with their laws
They truly prove there’s no justice for all

The Affliction of Addiction
By James Smallwood

Please listen closely as I preach
I’m keeping it real as I teach
I’m the example of one bad decision
I’ve been sentenced to die in prison
Because of my actions I got what I deserved
Only after death will my and me be served
I’m only existing, not living in here
Surrounded by violence, hatred, and fear
Cowards and junkies always checking in
Gang members thinking a stranger’s their friend
Because of a color, they both claim
Willing to die, it’s truly a shame
Regardless their charge, most give up on life
After abandoned by family and divorced by wife
Most too weak to overcome and cope
Become addicted to dope and give up hope
As the drugs reap its afflictions
Stuck in the circle of chasing addictions
As they slowly spiral out of control
As the addictions slowly dig their hole
Each time they use, slowly digging their grave
To their addictions, they’ve become a slave
Become enraged if they lose one drop
Become enraged that they can’t stop
Using excuses with family and friends
Begging for money for someone to send
CashApp, Green Dot, or someone’s books
Not caring about the burden or how they look
Performing sexual favors as a prison whore
Accepting diseases just so they can score
Destroying their bodies and also their soul
Spiraling out of control, still digging their hole

The Foundation of Our Nation
By James Smallwood

American slavery is a horrific story
We all started enslaved, as a British territory
Wanting no taxation without representation
Started the foundation for our liberation
Actual American slavery started our revolution
With our Declaration of Independence and Constitution
But not everyone got what they craved
It was only the whites, no longer enslaved
The hatred and oppression that others would face
Stained our image and can’t be erased
The entire foundation of our great nation
Was built on slavery and discrimination
We kept them enslaved for hundreds of years
Building our country on their sweat and tears
Being too lazy to work, too lazy to build
Forcing someone else to work the field
They raped their women, working them as well
Splitting their families, putting them up for sale
Then came Lincoln, after about four score
Granting them freedom, starting a civil war
Signaling the emancipation proclamation
Losing his life in an assassination
Viewing people as property, just like land
Racist rednecks formed the Ku Klux Klan
Those cowards hid behind white sheets
Unable to accept the crippling defeat
Too lazy to toil and work the fields
Using hatred and fear is what they’d yield
It didn’t matter what’s wrong or right
It only mattered who’s black or white
Slavery literally built this great nation
And we’re still enslaved by our discrimination

The Incarceration Nation
By James Smallwood

While you’re in prison, the system is supposed to rehabilitate us. However, for over 23 years I’ve seen so many of the same inmates repeatedly come back. Individuals who we knew weren’t rehabilitated and who we knew were going to be back. Upon seeing this revolving door of reoffenders return I’ve realized that the system isn’t capable of rehabilitating someone at all. They provide all the help they can to rehabilitate us. Yet no one can be rehabilitated unless they want to be rehabilitated. The old saying is true … You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves.
The parole board itself is the problem. Those people on the parole board are highly intelligent individuals. However, they must base their decisions on things presented to them on paper. The ones who should make those decisions are those who are around us. They see things that the parole board doesn’t.
They actually get to know us more in depth. If the system doesn’t put them on that board, they should at least call them before the board anonymously. Allow true character statements of each inmate who’s incarcerated. This would give the parole board a more complete evaluation of those they’re contemplating on releasing into society. Furthermore, they should look at releasing some lifers.
In the 1990s, TDOC released thousands of “lifers” on parole. They chose the inmates who had served over 20 consecutive years. After the release, only 1 percent reoffended and came back to prison. So common sense would dictate that was successful and should be done again.
Yet the state doesn’t want to hear that.
To them us “lifers” are nothing more than a number and a paycheck for the state. You see, we’re never granted the opportunity to prove that we were rehabilitated to the system. We can’t volunteer our time at a shelter to help those in need. We can’t give blood. We can’t help in the cleanup efforts after a natural disaster. We’re only existing, not living.
Society has always said that life is priceless and precious. The system doesn’t believe that and will never see us for anything more than a lifelong paycheck for the state. The U.S. is nowhere near the largest nation in numbers of population. However, it has 25 percent of the world’s total prisoners. Our country’s motto is freedom, yet we practice the exact opposite. On top of that, special interests have convinced lawmakers here in Tennessee to make it worse.
They’ve passed a “100 percent sentence” law. This law states that offenders will have to serve 100 percent of their time. They won’t receive any “good time” for their good behavior. So they’ll have NO reason to behave themselves and no reason to NOT commit more crimes while incarcerated. Mark my words, this will cause more disciplinary actions. This will cause more violence. This will make prisons less safe for all prisoners AND staff.
They seem to want more prisoners for longer periods of time. Like I said before, it’s those with a vested interest that want this. Our country is TRILLIONS in debt and this is only part of the reason you see the states get federal funding and money for each inmate. So all of us lifers and “100 percenters” are steady paychecks for the states, while we keep pushing the debt higher and higher. So we’re simply stored in our concrete tombs until we die. No chance to prove our rehabilitation. No chance to benefit society and decrease the prison population. God forbid that. No, in the end, we’re all nothing more than a state paycheck and a federal burden.

God Bless You Mindy
By James Smallwood

God bless you Mindy, I wish you the best
I wish back then we could truly confess
To tell the court your father you married
But his friend friends kept our pain buried
Grandma and prosecutors both pressured me
To just keep quiet and take the plea
I did what they said out of shame and fear
Forced to go die with no daylight near
After molested for years and what we went through
I was forced into threesomes with mor than just you
You asked me to end it and gave me his gun
I refused to do it until he threatened my son
That night he was mad as he forcefully asked
But I was tired of fulfilling his sexual tasks
He kept demanding a threesome, which I refused
He threatened by saying my son would be used
I don’t think he would’ve then
But eventually he would, I couldn’t pretend
Forced into threesomes with either you or my mother
I didn’t want my son to be just another
I regrettably killed him I granted your request
Free our family, putting us under arrest
With no way out of our forced decision
We both went away to die in prison
I STILL regret what we had to do
But I pulled the trigger, it wasn’t you
But if we didn’t do what we did
We both know, next was our kids
He owned politicians and also the cops
We had only one choice to make it all stop
After 20 years inside of T.D.O.C.
The governor decided to set you free
I thank God he granted your request
God bless you Mindy I wish you only the best

Aliens and UFOs
By James Smallwood

Have I seen an alien? I’d have to say NO.
And I’ve also never seen any UFO’s.
But there’s lots of things, we have no explanation.
That constantly happen, in our civilization.
Common sense suggests that we are not alone.
Since the beginning of time, we’ve always known.
Conversations with people sometimes become heated.
As close-minded morons are arrogant and conceited.
Their blinding ignorance makes matters worse.
Believing it’s only us in the whole universe.
Living their lies with deceptive delusions.
Blissfully ignorant, in a state of confusion.
I personally accept and strongly believe.
Hoping one day, I’ll get to achieve.
To see an alien, and one day greet.
To show them kindness, once we meet.
Not trying to hurt, or even offend.
But be peaceful, loving as their new friend.
Show them compassion and human affection.
Offer to shield them, give them protection.
Prove to them not all humans are mean.
Disprove our actions, and what they’ve seen.
Humans killing humans, brother versus brother.
They constantly see us, killing each other.
They all watch us, as we destroy our own.
The fact still remains, we’ve NEVER been alone.

Religion
By James Smallwood

I love my Saviour and lord, Jesus Christ.
But all religions carry a heavy price.
There’s many different religions all around.
Some are ancient, some are newly found.
Everyone’s entitled to their point of views.
And it shouldn’t matter which one you choose.
But other people’s actions are extremely severe.
Because billions have died, for thousands of years.
As we kill each other if someone disagrees.
Over some God, that no-one sees.
We don’t KNOW, if ANY God’s real.
We only have faith, and how we feel.
We all stand firm in our personal beliefs.
Mourning our dead, while showing our grief.
Disposing their bodies, with tears we’ve cried.
Firmly believing they’re on the other side.
Believing their souls are in heaven or hell.
Or possibly reincarnated, also as well.
But where they went, we have no proof.
Please don’t be mad, because I speak the truth.
In every religion, I personally believe.
I celebrate death, I don’t grieve.
I believe in Muhammed, Buddz, and Christ, my Saviour.
I believe we’re judged based on our behavior.
I’m going to say something that might seem odd.
But every religion path leads to the same GOD.
Men wrote those books, using their personal views.
Then we adopt which ones we choose.
So, choose your path, make your decision.
We’re all unique and have our own vision.
Regardless your God, regardless your view.
Make your choice, it’s all up to you.

I’m Sorry
By James Smallwood

I’m sorry for more than breaking the law.
I’m sorry my family, for the pain we’ve caused.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t truly confess.
I’m sorry my grandma made that request.
I’m sorry to those who still pretend.
I’m sorry to those, still denying his sins.
I’m sorry he made us do things bad.
I’m sorry for threesomes we all had.
I’m sorry to those who asked why.
I’m sorry that we could only cry.
I’m sorry that he caused us fear.
I’m sorry the pain lasted for years.
I’m sorry for listening, as he’d preach.
I’m sorry to those, he made me teach.
I’m sorry for losing your love and trust.
I’m sorry for all his lust and disgust.
I’m sorry that we were used and abused.
I’m sorry he laughed, if we refused.
I’m sorry he used violent manipulation.
I’m sorry to those for our participation.
I’m sorry that he hurt my own mother.
I’m sorry for threesomes, with her and others.
I’m sorry his actions drove her insane.
I’m sorry moma, for all the pain.
I’m sorry New Years Eve, for the distraction.
I’m sorry my family, for our reaction.
I’m sorry for granting what Mindy asked.
I’m sorry for completing the horrible task.
I’m sorry for our actions, they got no bigger.
I’m sorry my family, for pulling the trigger.

The Unspoken Truth
By James Smallwood

Yes, I was wrong, for what I did.
But I was abused since I was a kid.
That still DON’T excuse my deadly reaction.
But I tried my best, to be his distraction.
Letting him use and abuse my mind and body.
Sparing Mindy from things real naughty.
I tried my best to keep her excluded.
Knowing that she didn’t want included.
She’d been abused, all of her life.
Forced to become her father’s wife.
Forcing us to do things, he simply didn’t care.
As he filled us both, with more than despair.
Yet Mindy didn’t know about the others.
Like my cousins, and also my mother.
The things he did, Mindy only gotta peek.
Forced to be silent, and never to speak.
The things we did drove my moma insane.
As he got his pleasure by giving us pain.
Getting cursed and beaten, if we refused.
Swallowing it down, while being abused.
I cried “moma please, make him stop?”
She cried “I’m sorry son, he owns the cops”
“Just be quiet, even though It’s wrong”
“Do what he says, it won’t take long”
“I know Jimmy, it’s sick and obscene”
“But we’ll take a shower, then we’ll be clean”
And she didn’t lie, that’s just what we did.
Showering together when I was a kid.
We’d both cry in each other’s arms.
After he was done, bringing us harm.
Washing him off, we’d scrub and scour.
Crying together, while in the shower.
She said “what happened, we can never speak”
As she wiped my tears and kissed my cheek.
She said “I love you Jimmy, you’re my only son”
“And your uncles evil, for what he’s done”
“But moma goes to jail, if this is spoken”
As my uncle had left us, abused and broken.
Then the others, he’d send me to touch.
Like my cousins, who I loved so much.
Being forced to do things that we shouldn’t.
Wanting to tell but knew that we couldn’t.
Enduring his perversions, for numerous years.
Unable to speak, because of our fears.
No-one to turn to, no-one to trust.
Being used and abused, while being cussed.
Mindy was distraught, as she begged and pleaded.
Asking me to do, what everyone needed.
I hated the things that he had done.
But I had never even touched a gun.
I had never killed anything before.
But he made a threat I couldn’t ignore.
He threatened to use my little boy.
My reason for living, my pride and joy.
At that moment, he wouldn’t have did it.
But eventually he would, I had to admit it.
As I killed him, I could only cry.
As I confessed, I could only lie.
If I truly confessed, my mom goes to jail.
So, I accepted my fate, to die in this cell.
With my moma now gone, and finally at rest.
I’m granted this chance, to truly confess.

My prison sentiment: I’m sick and tired, of being sick and tired.

T.Doc
By James Smallwood

Tennessee hospitality, home of the Titans and Volunteers
But the part I know now, is neither kind nor sincere,
No one can be trusted, their history makes that clear
Nearly everyone is fake, regardless how they appear
We did wrong by society, and locked away for years.
Most join gangs, trying to outnumber their fears
Acting like they’re tough, on their face a constant sneer.
But without their “clique”, that fright reappears
We also have snitches, and one is always near,
Why they love to snitch, to me remains unclear
But once they’re discovered, they “check-in” and disappear
Welcome to my world, these rejects are my peers
I’ve mentioned only two, there’s many more in here.
Some seem to love it, this place they do endear.
And to die around these morons, I think’s a bit severe
But I know that in the end, my soul will persevere

Our Own Little World
By James Smallwood

No loved ones, no family, I’m forgotten and disowned
But inside these walls, there’s a world of its own.
We have certain people, for certain stuff
We even play poker, go ahead and bluff
Or say you got “green money”, take it to the store.
You get $30 for the $50, not a penny more
You get what they have, and just start picking.
Chips, cakes, drinks, tuna, beef, chicken
Or maybe what you need, is something ironed or cleaned
Some people are nice, some are bitter and mean
There’s also racist garbage, in here as well,
That don’t deserve to live, even in a cell
And 80% of inmates, love to snitch and tell,
Prison’s its own world, prison’s its own hell.

No Justice At All
By James Smallwood

I’ve spent over 20 years, inside this prison,
For Mindy and me, making that decision.
She plotted and schemed, making out a plan,
Begging me to free us, from the evil man,
But I denied her request, ignoring truth and facts,
Making tensions so high, I couldn’t sleep or relax.
But then he started making, real disgusting threats
Of turning my new baby, into one of his “pets”.
Making me lose my temper, and sanity as well.
Making this prison my coffin, life sentence the nail.
I sacrificed my future, and life forever
They granted her release, they told me never.
So in my concrete tomb, I’ll take my last breath,
Then be gone and forgotten, on the day of my death.

I Hate the Hate
By James Smallwood

I hate that black people, have to address police brutality.
I hate when they have to play the race card
I hate that those were the cards they had to be dealt.
I hate that others can’t admit they’re right,
I hate All discrimination, I HATE THE HATE!!

Our State of Hate
By James Smallwood

Many that are hurt, may suffer in silence.
While others are inflicted, with physical violence.
Children are picked on, while attending school.
Being bullied by others, who think it’s cool.
We punish them for it, once they’re caught.
For practicing the actions, that we have taught.
Promoted on the internet, and on television.
Surrounding them with hate, was our decision.
Hate is everywhere, just look around.
As some use words, to bring others down.
Tall, short, fat, the “special” as well.
Highlighting their differences, giving them hell.
Trying to live up to, the standards of the media.
Shallow views of beauty, causing anorexia and bulimia.
We dismiss and ignore, those that cry.
So they dismember, disfigure, and commit suicide.
Others mask and hide, their hurt and pain.
We’re addicted to hate, like crack cocaine.
Homophobia hatred, race discrimination.
We pass it down, to each generation.
Kindness and love, are what we should teach.
But first we have to, practice what we preach.
We must break the cycle, it’s not too late.
Accept others’ differences, let go of the hate.

Love
By James Smallwood

love is a word, made up of four letters.
love is priceless, love makes life better.
love is what’s needed, to change the earth.
love created all, and allowed our birth
love is shown with grief, when a loved one dies.
love is proven, with each tear we cry.
love comforts us, and we feel protected.
love revitalizes, those that’s neglected.
love makes you feel, you’re where you belong.
love makes right, defeat what’s wrong.
love is contagious, love is worth sharing.
love can make you, considerate and caring.
love is patient, love is kind.
love is deaf, love is blind.
love is priceless, love is pure.
love conquers All, love endures.
love every man, woman, boy and girl.
love is the most powerful, feeling in the world.
love is beautiful, right from the start.
love is from God, cause God’s in our heart.
love is the greatest, feeling from above.
love, faith, hope, but the greatest is love.

Father Time
By James Smallwood

Our first second of conception, we start to die.
So once we’re born, we start to cry.
With each passing day, we monitor time.
With watches and clocks, announcing with chimes.
As our years tick by, to become our past,
Life is fleeting, and passes so fast.
Don’t let life pass by, and just slip away.
Live it to the fullest, every single day.
Cherish and enjoy life, to the depths of your soul.
Cause the grim reality, is your bell will toll.
It’s your choice?
Live more life or live life more.

Family Matters?
By James Smallwood

Hello to my family, I still love you ALL.
Even though I’m forgotten, and can’t even call.
I don’t have your numbers, or addresses either,
And I already know, I’ll never get neither.
The only one I talk to, is my baby sister,
I love her so much, and truly do miss her.
It’s been over 20 years, and I’ve accepted the loss,
But I didn’t expect, to lose my son Cross.
When he was 1 year old, his daddy went away,
But I hold out hope, I’ll see him one day.
Although he’s my baby, he’s now fully grown,
With no mother or father, he’s now all alone.
For protecting my son, I’ll die in prison.
But that was my job, and I made my decision.
Mindy asked me to kill him, but I couldn’t do it.
Then he threatened my son, so I said screw it.
Many of us were victims, of his sex games.
Many of us victims, will never be the same.
But I sleep better at night, and now have peace.
Just knowing that Mindy, was finally released.
Yes, we’re BOTH guilty, and I’ll take a test.
But I’m glad she’s out, and I wish her the best.
Angel and Kevin, lost both their mom and dad.
Their mom was the good one, the father was bad.
I honestly don’t think, she deserved prison.
Regardless the fact, we BOTH made that decision.
The pain she went through, her ENTIRE life.
Molested by daddy, then becoming his wife.
Mindy, I’m sorry, and it wasn’t fair.
Missing your babies grow up, and not being there.
Even though his death, was BOTH our decision.
I still don’t believe, that you deserved prison.
I honestly believe, that you deserved better.
But our families condemned me, no visits, no letters.
For over 20 years, I’ve been discarded.
And no one cares, that I’ll die brokenhearted.

Yes Bear MORE Arms
By James Smallwood

More people should have, the right to bear arms.
More guns in more hands, means less harm.
Yes, you need, mental health screening.
What about those, with no reason or meaning?
Some might seem, like they’re just fine.
Then one day, just lose their mind.
They skip the stores, and skip the receipt.
Then just buy a gun, right off the street.
Then chose “soft targets”, killing innocent kids.
Then all you can do, is see what they did.
You simply don’t have, enough time to react.
You must simply admit, that is a fact.
They keep killing, and we look like fools.
With only them, carrying guns to schools.
If EVERY classroom, had guns inside.
It wouldn’t take long, before they’d died.
There’d be less funerals, less children dying.
There’d be less families, grieving and crying.
Outnumber their guns, is how you win.
By protecting our future, with armed men.
Yes, I’m saying more guns, it’s simple math.
So every gunman, has 20 in its path.

God’s 2nd Greatest Gift
By James Smallwood

God’s greatest gift, was his son, our savior,
Who died for all sins, and wicked behavior.
But females are the 2nd, greatest gift to the world,
So treasure them all, regardless woman or girl.
Some sacrifice their lives, with the gift they give.
Choosing to give life, instead of choosing to live.
Men downplay the risks, some simply don’t care,
Men fail to believe, the risk is still there.
I’m not that blind, I know what I’ve saw.
As they give the world, the greatest gift of all.
Nothing’s more fleeting or fragile, than the gift of life,
So, be thankful for your mother, sister, and wife.
Nine months they carry life, inside their body.
Then raising and teaching it, to be nice not naughty.
They even cook and clean, and have jobs as well.
Doing it all, putting their bodies through hell
Also putting up with men, and our childish pranks.
Don’t take them for granted, instead give thanks.
I say spoil them with gifts, affection, and love,
Appreciate our gifts, from our God above.

No Justice At All
By James Smallwood

I’ve spent 22 years, inside of prison.
For Mindy and me, making that decision.
She plotted and scheme, making a plan.
Begging me to free us, from an evil man.
I denied her request, ignoring truth and facts.
Making tension so tight, I couldn’t sleep or relax.
But then he started, making disgusting threats.
Of turning my baby, into one of his “pets”.
Making me lose my temper, and sanity as well.
Giving me prison as my coffin, life sentence the nail.
I sacrificed my future, and life forever.
They granted Mindy release, and told me never.
So in my concrete tomb, I’ll take my last breath.
Then be gone and forgotten, on the day of my death.

Abortion
By James Smallwood

No, I’m not a Republican, or Democrat either.
And in most arguments, I would choose neither.
My beliefs are based, on American rights.
They constitution is a law, we CAN’T rewrite.
It calls for a separation, of church and state.
Religion can’t influence, can’t even debate.
I personally disagree, with abortion altogether.
But freedom is first, now and forever.
To apply your rules, to ANYONE else’s body.
Is not just wrong, it’s disrespectful and naughty.
You destroy their freedom, by choosing that fight.
It’s her body, her choice, her American right.

Broken Freedom
By James Smallwood

God and Christ, rank first in my heart.
Let’s get that straight, before I start.
I love the views, on which America was founded.
Yet our forefathers now, would be confounded and astounded.
How we’ve perverted their views, they’d roll over in their graves.
I’m ashamed of our actions, and how we now behave.
With our twisted agendas, and personal beliefs.
Saying to hell with freedom, causing others grief.
Stem cell research, would save MILLIONS of lives.
Yet, we deny them that freedom, and right to survive.
Look up the word freedom, and see what it means.
We don’t uphold it, from what I’ve seen.
Our religious beliefs, in which we hold tight.
Denies others their love, limiting marital right.
Now on same sex marriage, I completely disagree.
But their decision can’t be made, by either you or me.
The constitution says, separation of church and state.
So leave them alone, and let go of your hate.
Stop oppressing others freedom, with discriminating laws.
Let freedom ring, and give justice to ALL!

The Wake Up Call
By James Smallwood

A coward sneaks up….in his pillowcase is a rock.
Blindsided from behind….My skull receives a shock.
It’s a check in move….By a mouse not a man.
Then after he struck….To the police he ran.
Seizures and brain damage….And a hospital trip.
Surgery and staples….And a morphine drip.
After I awake to recover….I’m moved to special needs.
I was lied to and toyed with….I was completely deceived.
For a month I didn’t know….If I’d live or die.
They laugh at my torture….As I’d plea and cry.
They didn’t help at all….With rude behavior.
But instead of panicking….I turned to my savior.
Only 13 cells….The stench of nothing but death.
Some isolated or bedridden….Just begging for a breath.
An eye opening experience….No words can really tell.
My surroundings, so heartbreaking….True hell in a cell.
I exercised and recovered….A little more each day.
With my faith in God….In his son’s name I pray.
A blessing in disguise….Most people won’t see.
Reconnected with God….So God bless you and me.

The Meaning of Life
By James Smallwood

This is not a poem. It’s simply stating facts. Everyone wants to know, “What’s the meaning of life?” I KNOW the answer….Love…. Simple, right? Not so fast. You see it’s easy to love your friends and family. No, you got to love those that hate you. Yes, your enemies. I know it’s a hard thing to do. But that’s just it. Life is a hard thing to do. So….Just love….Love when no one’s around….Love when most wouldn’t….LOVE….If you truly do that….Then, my friend, you’ve truly conquered life….With just a feeling….LOVE!

Raw Truth
By James Smallwood

This prison could be better, could be worse.
Eventually we all, end up in a hearse.
Eventually fading, to black one day.
I feel my life, slowly fading away.
My life sentence, is a life without life
No family, no loved one, no girlfriend or wife
I merely exist instead of live, no chance to leave
I can’t love or be loved, no reason to believe
Daily I regret, that single decision
That took my life, to go die in prison.

Hard Truth
By James Smallwood

I worked hard, but played harder my friend.
Enjoying everyone I could, until the end.
A place to leave my seed that’s what we all need.
Realizing we’re all just moments in time, just specks.
Father Time in charge, his foot forever on our necks.
Remember once you’re conceived, is when you start to die
No getting outta life alive, no matter how you try.
We’re all just memories, just aint got there yet.
Wishing I did things different, is my only regret.
We’re all just numbers, in a system that’s broken.
Now as I’m dying, my words now spoken.

Fantasy Football G.O.A.T
By James Smallwood

I watch the NFL draft, evaluating them all.
Making my draft list, for fantasy football.
Everyone have cheatsheets, making their own little notes.
I’ve been playing 13 years, I’m the undisputed G.O.A.T.
I’ve been to 10 Superbowls, 7 times won it all.
During every season, I make quite a haul.
Paid with cakes and goodies, filling my tote.
They keep it full, they keep feeding the G.O.A.T.
They recognize my genius, once my name is called.
If it’s 1st or last, no matter where I draw.
For every scenario, I’ll have a note.
It’s for those reasons, they call me the G.O.A.T.
To defend my title, I must stand tall
Win another title, in fantasy football.

Air Jordan
By James Smallwood

He wasn’t perfect, he repeatedly failed.
But determined to succeed, his dreams wouldn’t be derailed.
Endlessly he practiced, for hours on end
Then once he returned, Greatness began.
In North Carolina, he played for the Tar-Heels.
Then as a Chicago Bull, the legend became real
Giving awe inspiring performances, floating through the air
His level of talent, was remarkably rare.
From repeated failure, To Double 3-peated glory
The greatest ever, it’s Michael Jordan’s story

Barry Sanders
By James Smallwood

Loved ones called him Barry, He was agile and fast.
Making heads turn, with the records he smashed.
Moving like no one could, even stop on a dime.
A true sports legend, and a man before his time.
Most yards per season, Most 200 yard games
The greatest running back, Barry Sanders the name.

Red River Rivalry
By James Smallwood

Rivals at birth, long horns and sooners.
I’m for O.U., our mascots the Scooner.
Biggest game of our season, The Red River Rivalry.
Half sooners, half longhorns, Bringing our Cavalries.
Borth are Powerhouses, their fans so proud.
The Stadium is roaring, As we all get loud.
The restroom at half-time, is where I must go.
But listen closely, as I put on a show.
While taking a deuce, I’m broken hearted
While trying to crap, I’ve merely farted
But I keep on trying, My buttcheeks flexin’
Then give birth, to a worthless texan
On my return to the games restarted, I point longhorns down
Then there’s a fumble, that my team has found.
Then in for a touchdown, as the ground shakes
We roll to victory, grilling longhorn steaks.

The Undertaker
By James Smallwood

For Whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
Purple lights, low fog, his silhouette you’ll see.
His entranced unmatched, Wrestlemania record as well.
When you enter his yard, He takes you through hell
His Arsenal so broad, many ways for your defeat.
You can’t escape the grasp, of The Reaper you’ll meet.
Last ride, Tombstone, or maybe hells gate
You’ll beg for mercy, as he seals your fate.
Then the bell tolls once more, Tolling for thee
As you lay at his feet, Resting in peace.

Life Sentence #3
By James Smallwood

With no purpose or plan, but my life at stake
I merely exist instead of live, each time I wake.
No loved ones, No visits, No holiday celebrations
Just slow, lonely death, Permanent incarceration
So with each day passing, and each breath I breathe
I’ll be rewarded with death, as my only reprieve.

Her
By James Smallwood

Her hair shimmers, and is luxurious
Her eyes are devious, yet mysterious
Her nose wrinkles at something humorous
Her lips so soft, sweet, and luscious
Her neck is smooth and glorious
Her breasts are kissable and vivacious
Her belly so tender and sensuous
Her garden trimmed, her fruits delicious
Her thighs and hips, so sexually curvacious
Her behind is perfectly shaped and voluptuous
Her legs so strong yet glamorous
Her feet are adorable, yet vicarious
Another woman better….preposterous

Perfect Goddess
By James Smallwood

Her beauty is timeless, and will stand the test of time,
Flawlessly sexy and smart, stealing my heart is her crime.
So angelic that she proves, God does produce perfection,
Yet she’s so humble, Not seeing it in mirrored reflection.
Radiating so much, outshining the sun,
A comical genius, and lots of fun.
Her eyes twinkle, more than stars at night,
And a smile so beautiful, it makes cloudy days bright.
No matter the outfit, if its some pants or a dress.
Only two words describe her…. Perfect. Goddess.

Untitled
By James Smallwood

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust
I love God and family, but only God I trust.

A Nation of Incarceration
By James Smallwood

While prison population is consistently overflowing,
We’re trillions in debt, and that keeps it growing.
Revolving doors of offenders, keep coming back,
Others serve decades, and are given no slack.
They’re belittled and disrespected, yet still follow the rules,
While the released reoffend, making us look like fools.
Once in the 90’s, some lifers were released,
Less than 1% reoffended, their violence had ceased.
Now they’re overlooked, it’s outta sight outta mind,
Making the prisons keep growing, we fall further behind.
Parole boards make decisions, on someone they don’t know,
Should they really decide, who should stay or go.
Shouldn’t someone that’s around them, make that call,
Based on their actions, and the things they’ve saw.
Ranking officers and staff, working the prisons inside,
Work around them for years, so they should decide.
A board of these people, should be given the decision,
To decide who should stay, or get out of prison.
Such a simple decision, addressing incarceration.
To keep our country from becoming an imprisoned Nation.

Rehabilitation in the Nation of Incarceration
By James Smallwood

Before I was locked up, my life had no limitations Then I received life, they receive vindication
Full participation, after I saw the prosecution
But to die here is clear, eternally damnation.
Not a person no more just number identification #330001… I am after after my confession.
A concrete tomb was their retaliation
But over 20 years into my incarceration
I’ve turned my body into a thing of perfection. My art immortal forever is my final destination. Taxidermied yes stuff is my final decision.
My body, my right our flag grants me protection
I’m not harming no one in our nation.
When my savior returns I’ll receive resurrection. I’ll fight beside Christ, like in Revelations.

Yes, Taxidermied……. Yes Stuffed
By James Smallwood

My childhood was good, then it turned rough
Till enough was enough, with me ending in cuffs
Hard concrete and steel, where no pillows are fluffed
Then I self medicated, I puff, puff, puffed
My body’s American art, And I want it stuffed
Repaint or touch up as needed, If I even need buffed
So once I’m dead and my life has been snuffed
My sentence now served Dead freedom without cuffs
Don’t bury, don’t burn me, I literally want to be stuffed.

A Racist Fact
By James Smallwood
I constantly hear racist white people say
“Black people always play the race card” and
I’ll always answer it… “That’s because
Those were the cards they were dealt.”

Free America
By James Smallwood
Our country is broke, we’re bruised and battered
And by following the leader, we leave freedom shattered
We disgrace, discriminate, push personal agendas
Restricting others rights, throwing freedom out the window
Were trillions in debt, we’re borderline recession.
Fighting wars not ours, we’re in a deep depression.
We’re overweight, we’re out of work, our lands polluted
Placing religion over freedom, with our minds diluted
Overriding freedom, with the religions we preach.
Destroying other’s rights, with our freedom of speech
I love Jesus Christ, its through him that I pray,
But freedom prevents us, from suppressing those gay.
Same sex marriage is their freedom and right.
To have a family and serve as our soldiers to fight.
We all have these rights, sea to shining sea.
Without hurting others, to do as we please,
Freedom is first, yet realized by so few.
Even illegal immigrants have rights too.
America always stated, “our door is always open”
Yet now we deny them, leaving freedom now broken.
Many other countries, have more freedom than us.
The FCC outlaws nudity, allowing no one to cuss.
We no longer practice freedom, for which it stands.
We give animals more rights, than we do fellow man.
Restricting science, restricting future, restricting you and me
We’re not truly America, til we set ourselves free.

Mother America
By James Smallwood

With pride in our heart, to her heavens we stare.
Celebrating her birthday, bombs bursting in air.
Democracy and freedom, and justice for all.
Many give their lives, proudly answering her call.
Her power is respected, throughout every land.
A beacon of freedom, her torch in hand.
When God blessed America, he blessed freedom too.
Founding values, granted to me and you.
Constantly protected, day and night.
Total equality, our freedom, our right.
All religion, all races, even those gay.
Freedom for All, regardless what people say.
I’m a die hard American, I bleed red, white and blue
Happy Birthday Mother America, I’ll forever love you.

Everyone’s an Addict
By James Smallwood

Everyone has a drug, or type of addiction.
Upon our bodies, reaping its afflictions.
Alcohol, tobacco, and sugar as well.
Coffee or certain foods, the want is hell.
If you suppress one, there’s always another.
So I indulge in my addictions, like my father and mother.

Not Fair at All
By James Smallwood

It’s not fair that some get to live to be 100.
It’s not fair that some don’t get to live to be 10.
It’s not fair, no, not fair at all.
Life’s not fair, no not fair at all.

Football Time
By James Smallwood

Families get together and join the crowd
For their team they cheer and get loud.
The smash of the helmets, with down by down
Until there is a winner a champion crown.
We have the ball, plus its first down
Methodically driving, scoring a touchdown
We all get seated with snacks and beer
The whistle blows, and cheerleaders cheer
Get the coach with Gatorade, after he’s won.
Carried off the field, his job now done.
Victory for one team, the other defeat.
One storms the field, the other retreats.

The Loss of Innocence
By James Smallwood

Children suffer every day, some in violent ways. Yes, suicide some do choose because they think there’s nothing to lose. Others self-mutilate from their despair because they think no one cares. Trying to escape a personal hell, and painful words that some can’t spell. Who holds hatred? Who gives them pressure? Who is todays child molester? Actions of pain or even disgust, as they lose their innocence, and we lose their trust. They feel the power in their hands, they think that power makes them a man
Some kill for fun or as a sport, and show no remorse even in court. They can’t justify their ways or acts, and some don’t know why they attack. An elementary child in his homeroom class, experience his pain then say it’ll pass. Now bombs, knives, and guns as tools, have brought us fear of all the schools. And with each day comes a new death, but vengeance for this pain is all they have left.

Darkness or Light
By James Smallwood

There is only darkness and light. NO in between….even as children we want “the light on” for fear of the darkness and what it brings …. We feel our way through the darkness of life in search of the light …. Because the light will brighten and the darkness will dissipate … Some deny that the light exists because they’ve yet to find it… Others shine brightly with it proving its existence….But ultimately its your decision…. Stay in your darkness …or find your light.

True Love?
By James Smallwood

True love is priceless, and really hard to find.
You give to that person, your soul, body, and mind.
I’ve had it only once, mine was love at first sight.
My knees went weak, as my heart took flight.
She said, “Hi, I’m Candi.” I said, “Hi, I’m James”.
It was at that moment, my life forever changed.
She was drop dead gorgeous, she was witty and funny.
She was a five foot Goddess, that tasted like honey.
To me she seemed perfect, from head to toe.
I vowed to myself, I’d never let her go.
I’d marry this Goddess, I’d make her my wife.
I’d forsake all others, for the rest of my life.
We had unbridled passion, as our bodies became one.
And eventually that passion, gave us our son.
Our own little family, my Goddess as the Mother.
Everything was perfect, until she turned to another.
I’ve heard in the past, that true love is blind.
I wanted to believe her, and ignored all the signs.
She repeatedly denied it, with a kiss and a grin.
But indeed it was true, I was told by her friend.
Which brings us to today, and a saying I hate to recall.
“It’s better to love and lose, then never to love at all.”
I totally disagree, falser words were never spoken.
It’s been over twenty years today, and my heart remains broken.
But I wish her the best, even though we’re not together.
And though she can’t be trusted, I’ll still love her forever.

At All Costs
By James Smallwood

There are many important jobs in the world … Soldier, fire fighter, police officer, and so on … But none hold a candle to being a parent. To give life to another person is priceless and that is the greatest gift you can give the world…life…But by doing so your life instantly changes forever…Your child must rank above all else in existence…including yourself. A true parent will protect their child at all costs. A true parent is willing to suffer for their child…a true parent will kill if necessary to protect their child… a true parent will die or give up their life trying to protect their child….but anyone can “say” they’d make those sacrifices…but those are hollow words until proven… But to actually do it is different…and the majority wouldn’t if truth be told…I’m one of the few that not only would BUT DID…I’ve given away my freedom fo the rest of my life for my child’s safety from a monster…I’m proud of the fact that I protected my beautiful baby boy from the monster…Unfortunately though I had to take someone else’s life… the most precious gift in the world…but remember…we must protect them AT ALL COSTS.

A Millionaire Madman’s Mistake
By James Smallwood

Some suicidal pilots hijacked American planes.
Killed innocent people and caused senseless pain.
So, Americans wondered, where those cowards were at.
Pro baseball even stopped, putting no one at bat.
Then the president announced, he thought they knew.
Later confirming the reports, and said it was true.
“Wanted Dead or Alive”, he announced out to all.
“It’s Osama Bin Laden”, and Bin Laden must fall.”
“Afghanistan give him up, at least for your sake.”
“And if you don’t, it’ll be your worst mistake.”
Then they gave us their answer, and we’re totally defiant.
To the United States of America, the great sleeping giant.
So, Ol’ Glory flew proudly, with her red, white and blue.
And our soldiers were sent over, to see justice through.
Thne Bin Laden kept saying, “It’s the holy war at full scale.”
But if that is true, He’s the one going to hell.
You see, Ala and Real Muslims, believe in love and peace.
Unlike Bin Ladens actions, which were that of the beast.
So, pray for our soldiers, and an end to this mess.
Then pray for our leaders, and God bless the U.S.

The Circle
By James Smallwood

I saw my death, the sweet release.
I saw my body, where all pain ceased.
I saw my funeral, even the priest.
I saw my body, resting in peace.
I saw my God, then was released.
I saw my new body, learning life never ceased.

My Son, My Life
By James Smallwood

My son, my life, your daddy loves you so.
You’re the light of my life, that much I know.
While in your mom’s tummy, I talked to you a lot.
Then your first year I cherished every moment I got.
But then Daddy left you, some say I disappeared.
But I cried for you son, shedding millions of tears.
“I love you baby boy”, I still cry out at night.
I wish I could hold you, make everything right.
I’m not there for holidays, or Birthday celebrations.
And that eats at me constantly, there’s no consolation.
I brought shame to our family, for the loved one I killed
And even though I saved you, with pain I’m still filled
I’ve turned our family against me, and that makes my heartache
I should have handled it differently, but son you were at stake.
They gave me “life” for my crime, and what I did wrong
I can’t be there with you, but to you my heart belongs.
So as each day passes, and with each breath I breathe.
Your Daddy will ALWAYS love you, you’re everything to me.
You’re my ONLY reason for going on, through my pain and strife.
Seven words sum it up, you truly are, my son, my life.

A Hard Lesson Learned
By James Smallwood

I have a life sentence to do, I’ll die in prison, sad but true.
I’m not there to raise my son, enjoy his laughter, watch him have fun.
I missed his first words, his first steps too, missing him grow up is so hard to do.
Courts, trial, cameras, and jail, sentenced to life but really it’s hell.
So at night I dry my eyes, through an imprisoned window I study skies
After pondering I feel with fear, cause its only by death that I’ll leave here.
Another statistic, instead of success, my numbers, my name, just like the rest.
These jacks of all trades, yet masters of none, refuse to accept that the system has won
With handmade shanks, they release their frustration, only extending their incarceration.
I dream of a second chance to earn my redemption, while realizing this hell is my own intervention.
Surrounded by violence that stoke the fires, in those flames my hopes expire.
We should all embrace kindness before it’s too late, but these morons embrace and feed off the hate
And as they embrace it they strengthen its power, darkening their hearts as their kindness cowers
During lockdown time behind stone cold walls, I’m baffled by their stupidity and the things I’ve saw
Now as for my future, I’m constantly concerned, but I can only accept it as a hard lesson learned.

Away
By James Smallwood

Away from free life, and my inspirations, surrounded by death, pain and mutilation.
Away from family, I’m caged and lonely, in the middle of nowhere, in a city named only.
Away from all morals, we survive and obtain, with dignity for sale, alongside cocaine.
Away from home and happiness, no chance at liberation, existing not living with permanent incarceration.
Away from nature, sweet smells and allures, bushes or trees I can touch neither or.
Away from small things not realized till they’re missing, like picnics at the lake with loved ones reminiscing.
Away is where I stay where nothing is humane, away is where I’ll stay, until death I shall remain.

The Hidden Angel
By James Smallwood

You can’t see her wings, which are hidden from sight.
She’s disguised as a mother, teaching wrong from right.
“A mother’s job is never done,” is a saying of old.
But this angels compassion, is that of tenfold.
She cares about everyone, showing everyone love.
That’s how I figured out, she’s an angel from above.

The Magic Legend
By James Smallwood

Swamps, Islands, mountains, forests and plains.
I’ll traumatize and syphon, your soul I shall gain.
My slivers have speed, and so do my elves.
My Angels and Demons, bring heaven and hell.
My Vampires and Dragons, reign down from the air.
My Artifacts are indestructible, hexproof and rare.
I congregate, I counter, I Tsabo’s Decree.
I’m Vigilant, I’m protected, and you can’t target me.
I laugh and play with you, till I choose to destroy.
I’m the Undisputed Champ, and you are my toy.
I’ve won handicapped matches, crushing the opposition.
One on one I’ll annihilate you, there’s no competition.
From five different colors, you have to choose.
Mix and match how you want, you’re still gonna lose.
From my enormous collection, It’s Alpha I chose.
I’ll mix, I’ll match, I’ll choose how you lose.

Our Fate
By James Smallwood

To God’s we pray and meditate, but death we seem to complicate.
Our existence is forever like a figure eight, our lives feed our to help elevate.
To our soul bad deeds desecrate, to our soul good deeds invigorate.
Our minds are sedated, in a transfixed state, we see things created, destroyed cremated.
What we’re unable to appreciate, is that life forever illuminates.
As our souls congregate, and reincarnate, our future’s not set in stone we make own fate

Our Nation
By James Smallwood

Centuries ago, by our forefather’s creation,
On this day, we received liberation.
So proudly we gather, in a celebration.
Today we’re all family, regardless location.
Ol’ Glory flies proudly, in the skies illuminations.
Making me understand, our soldier’s dedication.
They protect our freedom, without reservations.
I would give her my life, without hesitation.
Thank God for America, Thank God for our nation.

Summertime
By James Smallwood

Children having fun, going on bike rides.
Adults at home, gathered poolside.
Waterguns, popsicles, drinking and cooking.
Women in bikinis, with the men looking.
Families together, singing karaoke.
Doing silly dances, like the hokie pokie.
Laughing and enjoying, spending time together.
Recording the times, to treasure forever.
Gathered by the grill, some telling jokes.
Eating and drinking, and enjoying a smoke.
My favorite part of summer, is sunset at the lake.
Being together, while grilling some steaks.
Engraved in my memory, are the times we shared.
Loved ones together, in the summertime air.

Take A Walk In My Shoes
By James Smallwood

Take a walk in my shoes, and travel my life.
The darkness, imprisonment, anguish and strife.
The pain I’ve lived through, the tawdry afflictions.
Caused by my uncle, with his perverted addictions.
My mother, my aunt, and others as well.
And now was my turn, to experience his hell.
At only 8 years old, the molestation would start.
Touching and fondling, my most private parts.
He said, “It’s our little secret, that I must keep.”
Tucking me in with his feces, telling me to sleep.
With my spirit broken, and my innocence shattered,
I was a sexual prisoner, bruised and battered.
My violated little body, I would scrub and scour.
But the filth would remain, as I stepped out of the shower.
I begged him to stop, with tears in my eyes.
But he repeatedly raped me, ignoring my cries.
But as time passed, I held in my tears,
Afraid of his wrath, for over 15 years.
But he made a mistake, he threatened my little boy.
My only reason for living, my only source of joy.
But I vowed that my baby wouldn’t live through my hell.
Making me lose my temper, and sanity as well.
As I played the role of God, I sentenced him to death.
Then repeatedly shot him, as he took his last breath.
After freeing my family, and the only child I had,
Some felt at peace, while others were mad.
The freedom I felt, from his sexual violations,
Was only to be replaced, with state incarceration.
So my only taste of freedom was before age eight.
From then on out, being a prisoner was my fate.
I gave into my anger, and that wasn’t right.
And I’ll constantly regret that for the rest of my life.
Yes I did wrong, but he did as well.
But should I die in a concrete cell?
You’re probably thinking… “What you would do?”
But you can’t answer that… you weren’t in my shoes.

Be Color Blind
By James Smallwood

There are hundreds of races, including black and white.
But to judge one by color is simply not right.
I’ve watched parents pass it to each generation.
Teaching their children race discrimination.
But we’re all God’s children and receive his grace.
And we’re all one family, regardless of race.
We didn’t choose the color or shade of our skin.
God chose it for us before our life began.
So, look past race when you see each other.
We’re all God’s image, all sisters and brothers.

Life Sentence #1
By James Smallwood

Tick-tock… tick-tock.
My life is just a clock.
Tock-tick… tock-tick.
So slowly, yet so quick.

Through the Eyes of a Lifer
By James Smallwood

Upon entering this system, there’s fear in their eyes,
And yet, try as they might, it can’t be disguised.
Their souls now bound by shackles and chains,
Numbing the darkness, with drugs in their veins.
They alter this reality, and some become fiends,
Living in a dream, and suppressing their screams.
Now in a system, corrupt and unjust.
Away from all family, with no one to trust.
This sick little world, filled with hatred and violence.
Our rights now taken, our voices now silent.
Some of us will never receive a second chance,
For this is our hell, and with the devil we dance.
I’m one of those people, forever entombed.
I’ll take my last breath in a concrete room.
That time could be tomorrow, or after 50 years.
But, sooner or later, the Reaper appears.
But I’m not afraid, I’ve renounced my behavior,
Receiving the forgiveness, of my Lord and Savior.
Eventually the bell tolls, even for me.
So please ring mine, so I can finally be free.

Life Sentence #2
By James Smallwood

I must accept permanent imprisonment, ‘til death as my fate,
With no means for release or way to escape.
The only joy I receive is the poison of dope.
I have no reason to live, not a single hope.

Death
By James Smallwood

Death is unrelenting, and usually unkind.
Death can be sudden, striking without signs.
Death can be painful, and slow as can be.
Death doesn’t discriminate, it will take you and me.
Death can be cruel, or a sweet release.
Death humbles all, as we view one at peace.
Death will consume us all when our time is here.
Death will free me from prison, so death I do not fear.

Dark Fact
By James Smallwood

I had friends and family and ties that bind.
But now I’m imprisoned, outta sight outta mind.
Time is monotonous and so slowly drags.
Losing my life, as the years tick by.
In my concrete tomb, I shall take my last breath.
I’ll be gone and forgotten on the day of my death.

Attention: Children
By James Smallwood

To achieve your dreams
And reach those stars
Believe in yourself
Be true to who you are
Education is the key
To being your best
Don’t be a statistic
Become a success

Empty
By James Smallwood

The steady hum of the fan covers the silence of lockdown in my concrete tomb. The light stabbing through the window is all that keeps me from complete darkness. Nothing can mask this complete and utter despair and loneliness my soul feels. No friends, no family, and no sweetheart to cuddle and grow old with. No one with whom I can trust, rely, care, or love. No dreams, no aspirations, no happiness and no hope to ever have any dreams or aspirations again. Before incarceration I could sometimes look at myself in the mirror and see those things. Now all I see is complete and uncontrollable depression, despair, hopelessness, loneliness, and a hollow void of emptiness like a black hole, slowly engulfing me from the inside out, consuming me and my soul. Never-ending and seemingly unchangeable for the better. As time so heart-achingly and monotonously ticks by… As seconds turn to minutes, to hours, to days, to weeks, to months, to years… My only reward for protecting my baby boy is that I’m closer to death and I’ve come to the realization that the only way I’ll leave here is by death and by death alone. And so I get up each day… Why? I don’t know. I continue to live for a family that don’t want to see me and has disowned me for protecting my son from the sickness in our family… So I continue to live for one reason and one reason only: MY SON. To tell him why his daddy had to go away forever. To make sure he knows that he’s my world and he’s all that matters to me. He’s my world… So I wait… and I wait… for I am empty.

Who Is Crazier?
By James Smallwood

The person who has faith… or
The person who questions it?

Women
By James Smallwood

Women are angels, gifts from above,
Proving God’s existence, and also his love.
They sacrifice their bodies, going under the knife,
Giving not only birth, but the world new life.
They’re fragile yet tough, they’re complex and devious.
Their bodies a work of art, so sensual and mischievous.
They’re delicate yet demanding, no denying who’s boss.
We must cherish and protect them, no matter the cost.
Women are priceless, women are sharing.
Women are loving, women are caring.

Dang Gangs
By James Smallwood

With invented delusions, they chose a color.
Kids are brainwashed, killing each other.
Getting worse every day, a growing trend.
False hope from people pretending to be friends.
They think they’re cool for joining a group.
Becoming a statistic as one of the troops.
Don’t give in to peer pressure, ignore their voice.
Be a leader not a follower, make the right choice.

Ladies… Stand, Kneel, Laydown
By James Smallwood

I’ll stand up for you
I’ll kneel to please you
I’ll laydown my life for you