Poetry by Devaughndre Broussard

The Tiniest Seed 2024
By Devaughndre Broussard

What do I fear? That I’m popping it (fat-mouthing).
That something, anything, could happen that will change all that I believed and all that I thought.
Fearing that I’ll succumb to the crushing weight of poverty, that desperate circumstances left me with desperate choices.
That as prepared as I thought I was, reality pierced my bubble of conceit and rather than weathering the storm of adversity, I sank and didn’t swim.
That I’m not mentally strong enough.
That I’m not emotionally strong enough.
And my faith failed or I failed my faith.
That I wasn’t able to see farther than the moment, than the present.
Fearing that I don’t actualize my potential because I’m afraid of struggling, that my struggle will never cease, of hardship and holding to the dream that crime is easier. Easier than poverty, than hardship.
Fear that all I’ve done has been in vain, all I’ve done nothing more than the grandest delusion.
Fearing that I wasted years for nothing.
Fearing that crime still pays.
The tiniest seed.
I fear that I’ll fail because I didn’t try hard enough, prepare enough, and because I didn’t know enough. Failing because of being incapable.
Fear that I’ll fail because I fell victim to my basest desires: greed, revenge, lust, arrogance, and instant gratification.
That the lure of impulsivity held me captive rather than the power of restraint.
That the dream of wealth, success, and happiness is possible … instantly!
That the sacrifice those require is for lesser beings.
That as strong as I believed I am … I am not.
As resilient as I thought I was … I am not.
To my desires, to my fantasies, and to my emotions.
The fear discovering that this seemingly impregnable wasn’t so strong after all!
That it was as insubstantial as fog.
The tiniest seed.
The fear that I’ll die before I can try.
That I’ll die before I can fly.

Soliloquy 2024
By Devaughndre Broussard

When do you feel like you have enough?
When do you think that you are enough?
Choose the description that fits because some of us are more mental than emotional.
Lately the idea of “lack” has been floating around, thinking, feeling and believing that I’m not enough, have enough or accomplished enough.
When I see people that look happy, satisfied or content, I think to myself: what makes these people that way?
I don’t want to be skeptical, a hater, and say that they’re pretending or frontin’. I know that my underlying thought is that I want more out of life. The best out of life.
At the same time, I’m willing to pay the cost for that ideal life, that elusive completeness, LOL.
Because I haven’t attained it, I find myself thinking: what is it that I’m not doing? Am I not smart enough? Not working hard enough?
When I find myself drowning in thought like that, I try and recommit and do more, do better, and go harder.
At the same time, I think where do those feelings or thoughts of inadequacies come from?
I’m someone that’s always challenging myself.
Like a competitor always comparing, training and battling for supremacy, crazy right?
I know it’s a reflection of how I lived but that mentality got me here.
I changed it, the mentality, in a way that benefits me, not hinders me.
I’m not arrogant, that I can do it all, be it all, LOL, for from it. Through my eyes I never settle on my laurels. So as I’m looking at life, I see evidence of the life I’m aspiring to.
Because I want the success, the good times and overall satisfaction from the effort I put forth, I say that I’m ambitious. I say it’s understandable.
I don’t compare to be better than others, I compare to gauge as to what I can do better, create new heights to reach.
I train myself mentally, emotionally and physically to become the best version of myself I can be. The best me is a better me for everyone around me.
I battle myself against my ego, against complacency.