My Sister

Prison is constantly crushing my dreams. The final Saturday of November my dream of seeing my sister was crushed. My sister was born in 2004. I last held her in April 2011. I last saw her though the plexiglass in May 2019. Prison crushed my dream of hugging my baby sister.

I’ve always been worried about when my sister would realize that I am in prison for sixty years. When she was younger, she was told I was away at school.

Every time she would visit me, I would look her over closely. I would look for signs of our sister turning her against me. I would look for signs of her realizing I can’t walk out of here.

I still have no idea what she does and doesn’t know about me being in prison.

When my dad visited in September, my sister had set up the visitation appointment.

I called on Thanksgiving to confirm he was coming. He said yes and I hung up after two minutes.

My dad left home at 2 a.m. and drove six hours for nothing.

I feel we are all at fault as to why an appointment was not set up. I had previously told my dad several times every visit needs an appointment. My dad thought only the first visit needed an appointment in order to be registered in the database.

The clothes here are somewhat run down. For two weeks I had been saving a decent shirt. I had been saving a decent pair of pants one week.

I sat in the dayroom for three hours freezing for nothing. I felt something was wrong. With a heavy heart I walked the ten feet to the phone.

My dad answers and says he’s on his way back home. They would not let him in since he had no appointment.

I start to hang up when he throws me for a loop. He says he’s putting my sister on the phone. My heart rate spikes and I’m very close to hanging up the phone.

I last spoke to my sister in 2019. At first, I feel our conversation was stilted. I’m trying to stay upbeat even though I’m devastated that they would have to be in the car twelve hours, and they didn’t even get to see me.

Once we get in the groove, I feel my sister is enjoying our conversation. She is very animated as she tells me about her life.

I finally have details about her. I find out she likes country music. Her dorm is on the twentieth floor and her roommate is her friend from middle school. She is studying biology. I am glad to hear she participates in many college events.

We discuss some movies. we both saw the four “Insidious” movies. We both liked “A Quiet Place” 1 and 2. We have not seen the third movie.

She surprises me by saying she tried to set up a video visit and is waiting on approval. Hopefully I’ll soon be able to see her over video link since she wasn’t allowed inside.

After thirty minutes the phone said there was one minute left. I tell my sister I love her. My heart skips a beat when she says she loves me.

I’m fairly certain that was the longest phone call I’ve made in twenty years. Now I need to study up on biology so I can discuss some things that my sister is learning in her college classes.

I feel conflicted about how to foster a relationship with my baby sister over the phone. Before I got my case my sister was four years old. Now she is twenty and in college. Over the years, I would write my sister letters trying to give her life advice. She wouldn’t ever write back. I have no idea is she even received my letters or read them.

Now I call her two or three times per week at the cost of six cents per minute. I constantly feel frustrated at how to conversate with her. I missed her entire childhood, so I don’t know her. I try a wide variety of topics, but our conversation is still stilted.

I try to ask about movies I’ve seen. She either hasn’t seen them or doesn’t seem to be interested in seeing them. Inside Out 2 was one of the biggest movies of 2024. She has seen the first movie but not the second. I’ve only asked her twice before moving on. I try to ask about TV shows. we do like similar shows like Vampire Diaries and Hart of Dixie, but we can’t discuss them since she says she saw them a long time ago. I can’t discuss her currently watching Bridgerton and Squid Games since I don’t have Netflix. I try to ask about music but she’s not very good at discussing artists. she simply let’s Apple Music use artificial intelligence to play music she likes.

I am glad she meshes perfectly with her roommate. they have lived together both years. at the same time, I feel like she isn’t interacting with many people. I ask about her neighbors, and she says she doesn’t even say hello to them. I’m not one to talk since I also don’t talk to my neighbors. I feel like people around me simply want to bring me down instead of helping me become a better person.

I simply can’t figure out what she does all day. I ask what her plans are for the day, and she has nothing planned. This Saturday is her roommate’s birthday. They are only going to eat at Olive Garden, then they’ll have popcorn and watch movies on Netflix.

I feel like I’m constantly straddling the line so I don’t annoy her and she doesn’t answer the phone anymore. I try to not ask too many questions since I don’t want to make her feel I’m interrogating her. She briefly mentioned she doesn’t interact with our sister and her husband. I haven’t spoken to our sister since I’ve been in prison. She didn’t ever reply to my letters. I think I last wrote her ten years ago.

I ask about the mall, and she says she doesn’t want to run into certain people. I don’t know what she means, and I don’t ask. She doesn’t know how to cook. I’m not sure if she eats healthy or not. On the positive side, I was glad she couldn’t recall the last time she ate a pastry. At the same time, I was disappointed that her lunch was French fries and a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, and her dinner was simply a Hot Pocket. It sounded to me like she didn’t want to walk to the dining hall. Her roommate simply had a Ramen soup for dinner.

I’m also disappointed she doesn’t have a driver license. I feel bad that I’ve missed so much of her life, so I couldn’t teach her all kinds of things. I would’ve gladly taught her how to drive. I try to sprinkle in life advice from time to time. I get the feeling she doesn’t like to be taught life skills. I recall one visit when she said she doesn’t like visiting our aunt since she keeps telling her “life stories”.

We always end our phone calls by telling each other we love each other. One call I almost forgot, and she told me “I love you” first.