One day me and my mom were in the car heading to the grocery store and having a ball in the car clowning. I was about 15 years old, an athletic high school football player, doing as the old folks called, “smelling my piss.” Me and my mom sang together, joked together, and argued over sports topics; she was my best friend. Some type of way our conversation moved to a more serious topic—girls.
Before I write about our serious conversation, let me give you some context. My mom was a single parent with three children because her husband, my stepdad, was serving his sixth prison term. She went back to college at 40 years old and received an Associate’s Degree in Speech Pathology, and a Bachelor’s in History. She did all of this while battling chronic diabetes and back disabilities so me and my older sister and younger sister (yes, I’m a middle child) could have a better life than she ever had. My mom was very head strong, independent, and charismatic. On the flip side, she was very private, and hard on herself. This was all due to the fact that she was raised the only child, and she had responsibilities at a young age helping raise her younger cousins. Therefore, as a result she grew up too fast.
My mom gained a lot of wisdom from life, but her greatest character trait was her faith in God. She wasn’t perfect, but she had a personal relationship with Jesus, and she raised all of her children to understand, no matter where life takes you, whether up or down, seek Jesus and He will put you on the right path. I watched her live out this philosophy my entire life. She smiled when the lights and water got cut off. She prayed when she didn’t have enough money to pay the bills. When me or my sisters offended her, she loved us anyway. And no matter what happened things were okay, and our family was held together despite no father in the home, barely seeing her because she had to work multiple jobs, and her having bad health.
Now, let’s finish the serious conversation I was having with my mom. So, I was in the middle of boasting about being a player and chick magnet. I was informing my mom how much game I had to get any girl I want. Then all of a sudden, my mom turns down the music playing from the radio and says something very profound. “Marcus, you don’t need game to gain the attention of others, matter of fact you don’t need to impress anyone. What you have to do is tell the truth, be honest, which will have more of an impact in your presentation. There are only two things that can happen, they can accept you or deny you, which will be their loss because you are a great person.” After my mom made that statement the weight of her words was so heavy I was silent for the rest of the ride to the grocery store.
As we were in the store I saw a beautiful young lady. She had long pretty brown hair, coke bottle shape, hazel eyes; she could have been a mix breed. Whatever she was she was a special blend. Especially the way she was dressed, with short blue jean shorts and a red blouse, and red open-toed jelly sandals (it was summertime in the 1990’s). She had me so hypnotized that I almost didn’t realize I was following her. She broke my spell when she looked at me, smiling. That was my cue to go to her with my best impression, that would have been loaded with half-truths, boasting, and punchlines. Then all of a sudden, my mom’s weighty words popped in my head, and I felt a conviction that caused me to pause in my tracks. So, I just walked away from the attractive young lady because I didn’t know how to be honest to someone I really wanted to impress. Sadly, I didn’t get the girl and now I was confused, wondering how can I be impactful in a culture that only accepts impressions? I was getting angry at myself for being so useless. My mom noticed my demeanor and asked was I okay. I told her I was fine while I was staring out the passenger window.
Then, the heavens smiled on me, because as we stopped at a red-light, Ms. red blouse was walking down the hot sidewalk carrying groceries. I screamed, “Mom pull the car to the curb, NOW!” I jumped out the car, shaking in my boots, then blurted out comedically, “My name is Marcus, and I wanted to talk to you at the store, but I was having a moment. I think you are beautiful, and I would love your name.” She responded smiling, “My name is Jessica, and I think you are handsome.” Then she waves at my mom who was eavesdropping in the car with the window down. I rolled my eyes at my mom and then said the weirdest thing I’ve ever said to a girl: “Jessica I’m a high school football player who lives at home with his mom, but I don’t want to walk away without your phone number.” So, she asked me for pen and paper, which my educated mother handed to her from the car. Me and my mom laughed and joked during the ride home then I told my mom, “Thanks mom!” Then I winked with my right eye and jokingly said, “But I’m still a Player!”
The paradigm shift that was caused by my mom’s philosophy has been paramount in my presentation and engagement with other people. To be impactful means to be virtuous and good and, as a result, fruitful relationships can be formed. I believe impressions are not bad, yet when they are practiced performances they come off as inauthentic. When a person can confidently thrive in the truth concerning their personhood, the receiver can sense the warmth, joy, and genuine concern the other person has for them.
The Bible teaches that human beings are “remarkably and wonderfully made” by God. To be “remarkable” is understanding that you are worthy of existing. A person’s real worth does not merely proceed from personal accomplishments, or how well built they are, nor how much money they have. To know your worth proceeds from an epistemological standpoint, what you know about God, who gives us an absolute standard to live by and how we can contribute ethically to the environment around us.
What makes us “wonderful?” The word wonderful in this context means to be set apart. The idea of being “set apart” denotes how distinct all people are. God created humanity with similarities, however, what makes us different are our characteristic traits, that make you you. This excites me because the impact that I will impart will be different from every other person. If we are made to be distinct, then our contribution to others will be different, Therefore, when we engage with others with an authentic presentation of our personhood it causes a more lasting impression.
When I’m studying college homework, preparing a sermon, or prepping to teach a class, expect that the knowledge I acquire helps me practically. With the increase of knowledge, it gives a person more options. For instance, there is a young college undergraduate who is majoring in Physics. Then, after going to school a while, they realize they need to change their major. This is not always a sign of indecisiveness, but an enlightenment. Something provoked a thought concerning their current path and they realized through taking a history core class they want to major in Education and not Physics.
What I’m evoking in this writing is for people build themselves up to learn to be more virtuous and good: kind, loving, patient, humble, and faithful. And as a result, when you make contact with other people they will be more impacted than impressed. That’s what happened with Jessica. I didn’t lie, talk slick, nor conjure up some bogus narrative. I had the privilege to be vulnerable, honest, and kind. Even though I felt weird and uncomfortable, I got the girl.
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