Growing Up

My Story

By Rivelino B. Lopez

Los Angeles, California is my true love but Riverside, California is my second home. My parents moved to Riverside County when I was young, due to the gang violence in L.A. County. Both my brothers and I were gang members but my sisters were not involved with gangs.

We weren’t a family of money – no fancy clothing or big house, no family trips or vacations. We had good times but more sad ones than good. Both parents worked two jobs at times with long hours. My parents were hardworking legit people who were never gang members, nor did they grow up with gangs. They did not abuse drugs or alcohol. My parents were old school – there was no expressing emotions: love, hurt, or pain, nor were we to talk about our feelings. They were strict with us and we were limited in going out with friends

I did attend public school, Independent Studies Continuation School. I was a class clown and got into trouble a lot. From horse playing, fighting, ditching and talking a lot. I got suspended multiple times, was even expelled for a weapon, and explosives (firecrackers). My behavior was out of control, but I did have academic goals and was attentive to my education. It was just so easy for me to be distracted by bad influences and peer pressure. I was one of the hip kids, stubborn and arrogant, which did not help my situation. There was no ignoring the reality of my environment, a bad neighborhood where gang violence and crime in general was occurring daily. Particularly living in a Hispanic and black community, racism and corruption by police officers was a factor. A lack of resources such as education on helping our community was simply ignored by the government. 

I was not educated nor was I stupid, but just ignorant toward life. I did not trust any adults, teachers, cops nor any authority, and I have seen and experienced the judging, stereotyping and corruption from our government.

By the age of 12 or 13 I was spending most of my time with gang members, drinking, smoking weed, selling drugs and being sexually active. I became street smart naturally, a trait needed to survive the streets. By age 14 I was a gang member living on the streets. I would carry guns, knives or any weapon that would protect me from rival gangs or personal enemies. I experience the pain of losing friends, homeboys, and someone very close to me due to gang violence. I’ve been stabbed, shot, beat up and involved in numerous fights. I’ve been arrested for guns, drugs, and stolen cars before I was convicted for two attempted murders while using a firearm with gang enhancements. I was 17 years old, tried as an adult, and sentenced to 8 years with two strikes. 

I was 18 years old when I went to prison and ended up serving 9 years in total on my first term, due to my bad behavior, I was involved in many fights, riots and other mishaps. Prison is a violent world, and I wanted to fit in, be cool and be accepted. I guess throughout my whole life I’ve always wanted attention, to be part of something. I was a follower and closed minded, and my role models were bad influences. During the 9 years I served in prison, I never really tried to educate myself or better understand life, nor have remorse for my actions.

I paroled February 18, 2005.

I was 26 years old and back living with my parents. They were a big help. The first few months were very difficult and hard emotionally and financially. I had a decent job but it was still a struggle. My criminal history was a factor in obtaining a better job. I worked as a plumber, and renovating mobile homes. I was legit for one year (car, money, apartment all legit). My living conditions became harder, work was declining. I started to sell drugs for extra money and affordable arrangements meant going back to living in a bad neighborhood. My gang-ties were very close to me. My two brothers. 

I fell back in to the same cycle, drugs leading to easy money, which led to parties, staying up late, drinking, smoking weed with cocaine, snorting cocaine and having promiscuous relationships. With no kids or a wife I had fewer responsibilities. Life was hard for me, racism and being judged made it even more difficult, and the streets were now more chaotic and violent then before. My generation of friends were mostly gone, killed or in prison serving life sentences. My baby brother was my homeboy, my friend and my blood. He was there for me financially, physically during good times and bad times, he never let me down.

Mom and Pops never let me down nor gave up on me, even though I did not have a father and son relationship from the beginning. My relationship with my mother was great, she played a big role as a mother and father, and she was the backbone that kept the family intact. Nothing had improved, I was not making progress and my situation was retrogressing at that moment. Frustration and anger were vandalizing my mind. I was an immoral product of destruction, created by my own environment. 

I couldn’t change because I didn’t know how to change. My addictions were my downfall: alcohol, guns and gangs. I was 90% covered in ink (tattoos). Racial profiling was a big problem. So every step was not only dangerous for myself but for my family as well. I avoided many quality times with my family. My life slowly but surely started to burn out. A long conversation with my baby brother had come about, one night unexpectedly. Both of us seeing the tiredness on each other’s faces, we knew we must try to change. To start a new chapter and better of our lives. Either change or end up in prison or dead, our choice. 

Soon after I was betrayed by police corruption and arrested for possession of ammunition with a gang enhancement under the 3rd strike law. I was convicted and sentenced to 28 years to life.

During this incarceration my baby brother was murdered on July 18, 2009. I was lost, in shock from all that was happening to me. I was filled with aggressive emotions and hatred towards authority. My second journey to prison was hell – I was isolated, stuck in the Secure Housing Unit (SHU) for eight years with no academic or self-help programs provided. While in the SHU my time was stressful, miserable, a feeling of desperation that only angered my mind deeper. I wasn’t able to discern my thoughts, transforming into an unpleasant and repulsive person. I had embedded negativity and tyrannical views with hostile feelings towards authority. I was serving life in prison so I avoided living like a human and was treated like an animal. So I behaved like an animal. 

My relationship with my family was deteriorating slowly due to my behavior. I was finally moved from one SHU to another: Pelican Bay SHU. 

My strong negative views changed dramatically one day with help from someone I would have  least expected. All my bad negative thoughts and feelings were overpowered by one man’s kindness and patience. There was no favoritism or special treatment.  I benefited in a good way, and since then have been educating myself, completing many academic courses with a strong drive for many more accomplishments. Staying focused and out of trouble comes from knowing what I want and need to better my character and my life. My journey is far from over with many obstacles ahead of me, both good and bad. But I will conquer. The realness of these men has changed my strength to power.

I also came across a special someone, and though we are only friends I extend my sincerest gratitude and salutations for her kindness and help is highly appreciated. I thank you Greet. I also dedicate this short biography and every accomplishment from the past to the present and future to Mr. Whiteside and Mr. Hutzell. Without y’alls sincere help I wouldn’t be expressing my change, so thank ya’ll, ya’ll awesome!!

In closing I must thank one more person who’s been helping me find myself spiritually. With his patience and understanding of my puzzle life, I’ve been able to open up a bit more to God. 

Thank you Chaplin Sam Smolinisky. 

All I want in life is my freedom, to be recognized as kind and humble human being.  All I want in life is not to be judged. All I want in life is love. All I want is to live a life.