Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – FINAL ENTRY

Yes my friends this will be the last time I write for this site unless I am granted a reprieve of some kind. I just cannot continue to write as the date looms so large in my near future. As of the writing of this entry I have ten days to live and I feel like closing all doors to my soul. I thank each of you that have given me your support and letters. I am not in a good mindset at this time but I felt it was appropriate to tell each of you fare well in the future, live each day to it’s fullest. Take time to love one another, and forgive the petty differences between whom ever it is you happen to be at such odds with at this time.

I want you all to know that it is NOT justice that will happen on May 12th it is vengeance. Vengeance is done with malice. The state of Texas is trying to intimidate the next person who thinks about taking a life. I am not in favor of murder. I think that murder is wrong and should be punished, never think that I believe that I should not be punished. I have never said that, not will I.

I recently received a letter from a woman who was the victim of a brutal murder, her uncle had been murdered by a close family friend and subsequently sent to prison and she described to me how he is now on parole and that she fears for her life, that she feels that he should never be allowed to hug a family member, raise a child or even have good memories because he took from her a loved one. She stated to me that her loved one has no chance to ever see grandchildren grow because this man took him from them. I tell her and you all reading this, that yes what he did was a brutal act and he should be punished to the fullest extent of the laws. But does this mean that he should never know a happiness ever again? This sounds too much like hate to me and God has a cure for that hatred. We are to forgive those who wrong us as God has forgiven us for the sins that we have committed against the kingdom of GOD! I started to write this woman back and tell her some things that jumped into my head, but that would only serve to continue the pain in her life. I agree with her that should never have had to show the pictures of the man to her children and tell them they must run if they see him/ I felt her pain as she described the fear of him being released from the prison to once more walk the light of day. The same fear is felt when a victim of rape knows that her attacker is being released. Should we then never allow someone to try and reform themselves within society? Should we just lock them up forever and just watch them slowly be consumed by hatred and anger? That is what happens when this so called society through someone away as worthless. I should think that the woman who wrote to me (as a woman of God) would have the love to forgive the man who murdered her uncle. But this is not my place to judge her. She believes that since I did not stop the murders from taking place that I have chosen my fate. She also believes that my death should comfort me. I am sorry to this woman that I cannot find comfort on the eve of my death.

The victims family will be there to watch me does, do they truly believe that it will bring them closure? Maybe on that second day as they also get to sit and watch Billy Galloway die too, will they finally be able to rest easy knowing that killers no longer lurk within the dark confines of their minds? Hate to tell you folk but there are kills walking the streets every day. My death nor Billy’s serve any purpose at all. The state feels justified in these killings because the law says that it is just, as my mother told me recently it is “just”, “just crazy!”

My friends if these are my last words to you and I am murdered by Texas on May 12th, then know that each and everyone one of you has my respect and love. Not just those of you that have shown me love and respect, but each and EVERY ONE of you, even those of you who have nothing but scorn for me and what I have attempted to do with these journal entries. I want you all to know that if I am now dead as you read these words that I am far better off than I was while locked behind walls, I have taken flight and now soar with wings of freedom and peace.

I never wanted anyone to die. That so much pain and death has come from our actions (and my inaction) hurts me, but if I have moved on to the next world those of you who have love in your hearts for me, I await you there. I love you all. Please know that you have brought me to this place of peace. Thank you and always remember me with a smile. No tears for me, but as I know that tears will fall allow them to water the lilacs. Smell those small purple blooms and bring me to mind and then I can never truly die. If after May 12th I still draw breath, I will write and send my love to you once more. I am now going to go prepare for my final earthly journey….

Kevin Varga was executed by the State of Texas on May 12, 2010