Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 59

I have been attempting to shake off the lethargic mood I have found myself in. I find myself just wanting to sleep and not wake so that I do not have to face the reality of this place. I mean I watch the days slipping past me with no way to stop them; each passing day is one closer to May 12th. It looms in the near future like a movie monster that cannot be stopped by any means. I have turned within myself for strength, only to find that I am empty within myself. I found no strength only sorrow and apathy. I wish I could find within myself the strength to face what may come, but I cannot. I know that a lot of people are fighting for me. They are trying to gain me a stay so that I may live; to each and every one of you I send my utmost appreciation. From you I can find the strength to continue to breathe, to fight, to live in a place that crushes a man’s spirit. Some people may think that I have strength because I have survived in here for so long, nothing could be further from the truth though. I only survive when I wish to live. I am sorry that I have turned this into a whine session.