Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 56

I sit here typing this while listening to my radio. I have been listening to more and more talk radio that I ever did before, I never really paid much attention to the views and opinions of these people. I was shocked at the way in which many of those people see me, and other men on death row. I mean sure I have always known that they are staunch supporters of the death penalty, but never have I heard myself described as a rabid animal that should be “put down” for the safety and security of society. One woman said that in her opinion, when a person is sentenced to death the sentence should be carried out immediately, like the same day, hour that the person is sentenced! Yet someone else said that the mode of execution should fit the means with which the victim was killed. I must ask myself when these people became so bloodthirsty? Then I think about the innocent that have been sent to death row. What would these people say to them? I mean I have seen already one man that has been proven to be innocent of the crime that sent him to death row be executed. Do these people believe that one innocent man being “knowingly and willingly” put to death acceptable? The quote is what Texas describes as “murder”. Since Todd Willingham (not sure of the spelling) was proven innocent of the fire that took his daughters lives and subsequently took his when Texas murdered him, should not those involved now be held to the same standards that they have held us? I do not mean the death penalty here, but should charges not be brought against them? What would those people that call for swift and meaningful vengeance say about the fact that Texas has put to death an innocent? I have never claimed to be innocent, only God has the right to judge a man to death, the Bible clearly states this, but will Texas ever acknowledge this fact? I feel that they will only give up their death machine when “it’s taken from their cold, dead hands” Yes it is a sad world we live in when simple men like myself are forced to be the moral compass for the government. Yet I am the man who has been deemed unworthy to continue to breathe. Why should I be held to a higher level of culpability than the very state that will be my murderer?

I am going to close for now. 35 days of life remain to me. I am not afraid to die but this does not mean that I rush forward into the embrace of death either. I will fight until my heart stops and lungs collapse from the poisons that they inject into me. I will not give hope even then because God has me in the palm of his hand.