Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 36

I am sorry to you that must read my depressive state, but you wanted the truth right? Yeah I know that the truth seldom is what we believe it to be. Rarely is the truth gentle and kind. Care careful of what you wish because you just may get it?!? That is the truth. My truth today is that I have been struggling to maintain my good outlook on this whole situation.

I now spend each day wondering if my life will truly end in 55 days. I had thought that the man who was to help me would by now have gained me a stay. So as each day draws me closer with that date, my level of fear rises. I have attempted to put on a brave face, to face what may come without flinching but to tell you that I had no fear; I can no longer put up that pretense. I hope that tomorrow will show me something that will lend strength to me, but until then I am going to close, I apologize to all of you that are reading my words to get inspiration, as some days I am unable to muster enough words. I thank you for the support and continued prayers.