Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 28

Tomorrow yet another man is to die. His name is Joshua “Moe” Maxwell. I want everyone to know these men I am being forced to become close to only to watch them fall, one by one, to the unrelenting and unremorseful state of Texas. It is stated that when a man is in trial that defendant so and so never showed an ounce of remorse as he sat and listened to the accounts of the brutal crime for which he has been accused, I ask then should not the state also show remorse for the killing of a man, no matter the crime he has been convicted of? Is the state of Texas exempt from remorse? I will not require an answer to that, as we all know the truth behind it. I however will speak now about Moe.

He has twenty-four hours to live, as I am writing this at 6.07pm. He seems upbeat for the most part. He is my neighbor and has chosen to spend a few hours right now writing to his children. He, like so many parents, has an unconditional love for and of his children. I have been privy to accounts of his last visits since Monday. He has a daughter who I call Jamie Lynn, because she has an uncanny resemblance to Britney Spears’ little sister, whom Moe seems to dote upon. His son seems to me to be a trooper and someone who is mature beyond his years, then again, this place ages everyone that is exposed to it. Moe is a more reserved person than Sleepy was and so chooses to spend this last day in reflection and not reliving the good and or bad times as did Sleepy. Each of us faces this in his own way, none id better nor worse. I cannot imagine what it is to know that when the sun sets tomorrow I will no longer breathe. I can only hope that when my time comes, whether it be in sixty odd days or sixty years, I will go one to the next live, or oblivion with even a modicum of the grace that I see from Moe.

I never really knew Moe until I came to death watch. I of course knew who he was and had a respect for him, not only because like myself he is from the north and has found himself on Texas’ death row but also because he always seemed to be an upstanding convict, which is not always the case. It is quite disconcerting how fast someone here on death watch can become close to another, I think it is the shared tragedy of this place or maybe that we are able to speak to others who are about to die and who understand what we are going through. We are unable to speak about certain things even with our closest friends and loved ones because we try to be strong for their benefit. I hope that Moe finds the peace he has been denied while on the row. I will remember him if he is taken from us tomorrow. I wish his family well. Please pray not only for him, but the family he leaves behind. He himself is not a religious man but that doesn’t mean he wont appreciate those prayers from those of you who are of the praying mindset, I will be praying myself tomorrow when the clock strikes the hour of six… 64 days to live.