Rather have my cuff marks on my wrist than on my mind!! I don’t think you heard me! I’d rather have my cuff marks on my wrist than on my mind!! Shielded physically over mentally. As I look at my wrist, I can’t help but smile from my cuff marks!! They show fear from my oppressor. Fear that if I was free when they told me they were taking my freedom. I would’ve turned into the incredible Negro (LOL). They see the fire in my eyes!! They feel the fire coming off me as they escort me everywhere. I refuse to allow them to piss on my fire!! I say pigs because they know not to throw water on me cause water is life, least I need a drink of water and they messed up and gave it to me. I be telling them my cuffs too tight and they’ll say you’re alright. I can’t help but laugh!! Why did I even submit? Submit means to make the choice!! I’d rather go physically over mentally!!
I’d rather have my cuff marks on my wrist than on my mind!! I don’t think you heard me!! I’d rather have my cuff marks on my wrist than on my mind, shackled physically over mentally!! I am inferior to no one!! I was born great!! My God made me one of the greatest beings on earth. My God I say because I can’t speak on yours!! See I’m shackled physically not mentally!! I still have my dreams and aspirations I was born with. I refuse to allow my oppressor to change me!! My Momma and the ghetto raised me upright!! We ate off the same plate, slept under the same roof under the same blanket. I’m talking about me and the ghetto!! See I’m shackled physically not mentally!! As I sit in this box, I still love my family and friends and the hate for my oppressor grows by the second. This isn’t living only surviving and how dare I get used to this than try to get out!! I’m shackled physically not mentally!!
I walk with my head up and speak with ease looking them in the eyes. They say I’m aggressive!! They want me with my head down scared to speak, my spirit dead!! See, I’m the oppressor’s worst fear. I can’t be broken, well physically. The fractured three ribs and my wrist!! Mentally see I only grow stronger with the strength of a warrior!! I don’t believe in passiveness; my soul will never be at peace oppressed by man. I could never come to peace being oppressed!! Why??
Cause my cuff marks are on my wrist not on my mind, shackled physically over mentally!!
Greetings and let me introduce myself to those I’m thankful for taking the timeout to read my poem and essay which I hope you all enjoyed and, in the process, I was able to give you some strength and insight!!
My name is Calvin Brewer (TDCJ 02069355). I’m 44 years old and I’m from Pittsburg California (the San Francisco Bay Area) and I’m serving a 50-year term out here in Texas for aggravated assault which I’ll only go into on a personal level. This is the third state I’ve been to prison in. I have eleven years in the California system and three in Nevada. I come from the rough side of life that many Afro-Americans go through in the ghetto, from the drug game to the killing which I played my part. Being from the Bay Area has made me politically aware of the bigger picture that’s being played behind the scene which is why I wrote Cuff Marks, which I wrote after being jumped on by eight COs and sent to lock-up a year basically G-5 so let me explain Cuff Marks!!
See, with my cuff marks being on my wrist and not on my mind means regardless of the physical pain and turmoil I go through, I still believe in love, hope, and in the good in humanity as a whole!! I refuse to allow the system to break me and basically make me give up or feel as if I can’t win. One thing I realized out here in the system in the south is it’s built off of breaking a person mentally, spiritually and abusing one by stumping on their dreams, self-worth and self-respect. I’ve been down here ten years and most of the inmates out here, their cuff marks are on their mind, they through away their self-respect because this system is built off disrespect. The COs disrespect the inmates and inmates disrespect each other. This system is a slavery without any kind of order amongst the slaves. Could you imagine if the slave master allowed the slaves to disrespect and quarrel amongst each other. That would cause straight mayhem. See the slave master would never have to worry but some slaves would think they were better and that would grow to one day bite him in the ass!! See the house slave felt better than the field slave, because he didn’t have hard labor but he didn’t have any respect from his peers and he didn’t choose to be a house slave. Now the field slave had labor but he also had his strength and peers to help lean on along with his respect within his peers to help him keep his head up, yet even he didn’t pick the field!! You’ve never heard of the field slave or house slave even fighting because that would be disrespectful for the slave master to have an unruly plantation which his family lived on!!
When your cuff marks are on your wrist, first off means, you’re deemed a threat even if it’s by just your escorting CO!! That’s a sign of respect because not only are you handcuffed, as if that’s not enough, but they wanted to make sure you remember, don’t try anything, you’re in cuffs!! Tight cuffs mean you’re disliked and can’t be trusted and honestly that’s the way they better view me and of course I’m going to try to get them to loosen them just because I’m supposed to!! If they get too disrespectful, I’m going to yank away and if I’m in the cell make them plead for the cuffs back especially if they only were able to put only on on!! See since my cuff marks are on my wrist, that means I’m rough and tough, God (Allah) sustains me. What that means is you can jump on me and even in cuffs I’m going to fight back and hurt someone. I can go days without a meal, don’t care about my property and hope you just now for every reaction, there’s a reaction that someone will pay for!! See when your cuff marks are on your wrist no matter your circumstances, you know without a doubt you will make it out of any situation because they or anything can’t break your spirit!! With fifty agg I still have realistic plans for when I get out. I’m still joyful yet firm even on my worst days. I refuse to panic and remain professional even when I just want to break down. See since my cuff marks are on my wrist and not on my mind, I do believe I’m above certain things as certain things are below me and I’m better than many. Who am I better than? First and foremost, I’m better than the one whose cuff marks are on their mind!!
See the ones whose cuff marks are on their mind are out of touch with reality and don’t have anything to stand on!! They’ve allowed those that don’t know them to tell them they’re worthless and don’t deserve any kind of respect!! Their cuffs are loose or not even on because they’re not known for being respected, having a limit and known for going for anything!! They’ve been told that their upbringing was wrong and regardless of the circumstances you’re in prison and you’re a loser. What’s sad is even if it’s not true, they believe it and if it is true, they refuse to forgive themselves so they can rebuild themselves. They know they have no worth but they don’t know that’s because they don’t value or respect themselves!! See they are like the house slave, since they get the jobs which come with no respect. He has convinced himself that since his owner (warden rank) is in charge of him and he’s his fetch boy in icy whites or gets to ride up front with him, he’s better than his peers!! It’s not just him whose cuff marks are on his mind. See the one who screws over his peers is just as bad, if not worse. See he’s the one who has a price and out for himself and thinks he’s on top of the world because he talked you out of two soups and he promised to pay it back and gives his word but never honors it!! His cuff marks are on his mind because he’ll lull you and disrespect you over nothing but get disrespected by the Cos, not fed, even jumped on and not rebel talk back or even defend himself!! He’s scared of the same repercussions he always receives based on he has no self-worth therefore he has nothing to defend. See when one’s cuff marks are on their mind, they are in a whole different world mentally, based on how small-minded and holding no value or hope and how they don’t have any moral code which they live by. They’ll bite everybody except the slave master. Yet they know who’s their biggest enemy and who they are prey to and that’s us whose cuff marks are on our wrist!!
See us whose cuff marks are on our wrist, we can rehabilitate some of them but first we have to convince them that they have a worth!! Now that’s the hardest part because they know what, why, and how they lost their worth and there are all kinds of ways a man can have his spirit broken!! I’m into rebuilding those who are serious and they don’t have to catch a case, be someone they’re not, they just have to try to be a better them. I understand everyone isn’t tough, but everyone should understand that they have a worth and demand it as much as possible and I say that’s because sometimes you have to sit down. It’s okay to bend, that’s being flexible, but refuse to break and remember we can do more with reality than the far-fetched pity dream. Even if you don’t have anybody or anything to build on, still start on yourself because when we recognize and see you, we step up and assist and help because our cuff marks are on our wrist, not on our mind!! We mind our business with certain things but some things are our business, like helping those who deserve it and not being made worthless. When we around pay attention and even feel safe and when we handle our business and come back because we always do give us our props and even ask how we did what we did, but if your cuff marks are on your mind, stay away because you might get hurt in more ways than one.
For the ones whose cuff marks are on their wrist!! Know it’s going to get better and even those trying to water you down don’t change. After all we’re the reason they made cuffs!! One doesn’t have to be violent to get cuff marks, you can get them by simply demanding your basic human rights by law. Know that once one stops having hope and self-respect and loses all their morals and gets used to disrespect, one is mentally cuffed and is no longer a threat to anybody but their peers and themselves. The only way to defend yourself from being mentally cuffed is first and foremost to be aware of the conditions and agenda, so you won’t fall victim. I refuse to be broken on any level, even though I’m lonely. I still believe in love even though it’s the system. I’m not scared and even though I’m only one man, I know I can fight and win against this system. The only way to beat this system is to remain, get or some other way find a way to be courageous at the proper time and to educate yourself with strength. From George Jackson to Mumia on to Tookie and the ones that graduated to the other plane. They left us examples how even in a box, how to succeed and have a positive effect from a box. I’ve been jumped by laws, G-5, and missed many meals, yet I’ll never come off weak because once they break you, they know they’ve won. One needs to study strength from a realistic standpoint, not from some book written by someone who has only studied prison while free and has never dealt with being stripped of all his human rights!! There’s enough literature for one to gain knowledge on how to remain strong by those who have been through it, look at all our political prisoners. We have the examples!!
Well let me close because I can go on and on when I’m building. I hope I put something on your mind in a positive manner. Also I am educated GED, 42 college credits, heavy machine operator full construction, certified both trades I earned on the streets, all my certs come from out there. See my cuff marks used to be on my mind on the streets growing up. From juvenile hall on, all I used to think I could do was sell drugs and all that came with the street life. Then I realized I was lied to and brainwashed by the conditions I grew up in (poverty). Poverty is an enemy and a liar, it says you deserve to live in those conditions. Then one day I chose to lull the negative thoughts that were holding me back and since then it’s been cuffs on my wrist (LOL). This is a rough life that I’m blessed to have.
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