In this dualistic world we live in, conflict seems to be the order of the day and our reality. My personal experience of this reality may be a little different than yours, because I’m an inmate in prison and have been confined here for quite a while now (18 years). But regardless of my situation, I have come to realize really, it’s all the same. That is, the prison within and the actual confinement of an institutional prison both mirror personal conflict. Now, I believe we are all love incarnate and at our core, each of us is love and light. So, my truth shows me love is contained in the conflict.
One of the major awakenings I’ve had here in prison is the understanding that an important aspect of experiencing conflict with other people is realizing I’m actually having a conflict with myself. That might sound strange, but I believe we are all microcosms of the macrocosm, “universal mirror” if you will, and experiences within and without are one in the same. If we look at conflict in its simplest form, we’ll see it’s about interacting with people who don’t think the same way we do. I see conflict as an opportunity to expand into a realization of what other people think and do and to realize what my own belief or truth is about that particular circumstance. Let me give you a “criminal” example of what I’m talking about.
Let’s say someone points out to me that there’s a car in the parking lot with keys in the ignition. In that moment, I have the opportunity to decide what I believe in. What’s my truth in this situation? Where’s my moral compass pointed? In this example, I also have the opportunity to discover maybe I have the desire to have things that aren’t mine and even if I have that desire, this desire is bigger than just me. It’s a “world desire.” Even the person who presented the idea to me is in a sense a reflection of what’s happening within the world. We all desire things we don’t have, and it tests our moral compass. I know this conflict and test all too well. In this scenario, I’m experiencing wanting to have something that’s not mine and of being someone I’m not.
Contemplate this. How many times have you done or not done something you regret? Something you’re embarrassed by, feel ashamed of or guilty about? If people only knew you in that moment, they wouldn’t truly know who you are. People are not who they are in totality because of one action, and it doesn’t matter if they’ve done this action lots of times. We’re not that action, we all have the potential to be the person who does that action or someone who has that pattern of behavior. That doesn’t mean the pattern of behavior or action is the essence and totality of who we are or what actually is. We can learn a lot about conflict from this perspective of criminal insight.
From this insight, I’ve realized when I come into conflict with someone, I’m only in conflict with “who they are”, in that moment, not with their actual essence, not their “love incarnateness.” When we do things we later regret, it’s not the essence of who we are. Regret lets us know we’re not the person who steals, lies or harms people. We’re just one who struggles with these things, and everyone struggles with something. When we experience conflict with someone, the world, or within, be it from a political stance, religious belief, or whatever else, we’re having an emotional reaction, but no matter who or what the conflict is with, what’s being revealed is an aspect of ourselves. Once the aspect is revealed, I look for the issue within myself. It might not be as over the top or overblown as what the person’s stance or belief is showing me, but there’s always something in the situation reflecting an issue in my life. I’ve come to realize conflict only happens when there’s an emotional charge to an issue. From being in prison for so long, I’ve learnt how to respond instead of reacting to this and the more I respond from the heart, the more I lessen the emotional charge. Lessening the emotional charge helps me to consciously embody what I truly am, which is love incarnate.
The point is, if we can start to recognize that when someone reacts differently to a situation than the way we do, they’re still just as much love incarnate as we are. Try to realize maybe they just need to go through a conflicting experience to understand themselves better or to learn how to respond. Can we give them “the benefit of the doubt”? Can we “cut them some slack”? I know I can, and if I can, so can you. I believe this is where we need to start because how can there be peace in the world if we can’t find peace within and give it to others? Responding from the heart brings peace from within and extends peace to those without, around us and beyond.
Prison may be the school of hard knocks, but it sure has helped me learn a lot about myself, people and the world we live in. We can free ourselves from the conflict within or the conflict without, when we identify the love in this mirrored interaction and respond to it accordingly. The conflicts within and the conflicts without don’t have to define who we are, they can show us the things we are not.
No Comments