In 2023 I was on the Coffield Unit. We were in the season of cold weather. Warmth was almost impossible to find if you didn’t have a hotpot to keep warm from cups of hot coffee or hot water.
I met Westside (everyone has nicknames in prison) while he was on suicide watch. No one is ever truly honest about why they’re suddenly on suicide watch, but I never judge because we’re all going through things. We all have problems. Maybe he had a drug addiction and had an “episode” that most guys have after “too much” crystal … who knows?
I asked the usual questions that are asked when someone (who seems normal) ends up on suicide watch. Like, what do they call you? Where are you from? What tank did you fall out of? What are you doing on suicide watch? I finally felt comfortable enough to sit at the door and talk to him for a bit. Questions must be asked because a lot of guys pull “shady” moves and then go to suicide watch in order to avoid the heat that comes with it.
He told me that he just wanted to get away from where he was because of all the noise. He said he just needed a break, or a vacation, in his words.
I learned that he had children. He had a family that supported him. He also had a girl that he was just thinking about marrying once he was released.
Oh yeah, he only had six months before he was to finally be released. He had only been in prison for five years and a few months.
As we chatted off and on throughout the day, I offered him a sheet to cover up with because I knew how cold it was, and I knew that suicide watch wasn’t allowed to have clothes or blankets to keep warm.
That’s the punishment for being suicidal or for admitting that you have suicidal thoughts. There was a female officer (Mrs. B) who was monitoring the suicide watch that day. She was known for being approachable and for being a down-to-earth officer who anyone could talk to.
Westside was on one row, in the cell right below me, actually. That’s also what made it easy to talk to him without getting too loud and disturbing others. It was also easy for me to throw a sheet over the rail and onto one row so that she could give it to him.
She gave him the sheet immediately once I explained to her how cruel it was to have a man sit in a cell completely naked during the winter season. She clearly agreed.
After he received the sheet, we continued to chat. He told me about his plans once he was released. His little girl’s seventh birthday was in the same month that he was to get out. We laughed when he said that he promised to get her a Black mermaid birthday cake. He told me that she said she would share it with him but that everyone else could only eat ice cream.
I could hear the love in his voice. Talking about his life almost made me forget that I was serving a life sentence … and that I would probably never get to experience simple (but special) moments like that.
He also promised that this would be his last time in prison. I told him that’s what everyone says. He said he was serious about it though. We’ll see … (that’s what I said in response).
I finally grew bored (and colder) from sitting by the door, so I told him to cover up and try to get warm because it was bound to be a long night. He agreed. The temp continued to drop as the sun went down.
I told him to hang in there and keep his head up because the doctor would see him the following day.
I lay on my bunk and placed my headphones on to listen to some music on my tablet.
At shift change, Westside hung himself.
Am I to blame?
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