Life Sentence

I remember the day I was found guilty of murder. Less than twenty minutes later the jury sentenced me to seventy-five years in prison, which essentially amounted to a Life Sentence. I was heartbroken, devastated, defeated. For the next few days, I moped around my jail cell. Everything I knew to be true, all my hopes and dreams, had been shattered. I felt no real reason why I should go forward. 

All of that changed when I was sat down with an elder gentleman that was assigned to my cellblock. He had noticed the dramatic change in my demeanor and attitude, and how I no longer smiled or interacted with others in our cellblock. The desire to play card games, dominos or watch TV had been eradicated from me by the jury’s decision. The reality of having to serve thirty calendar years in prison before I became eligible for parole deflated me. 

“Look out youngster,” the old school convict yelled out to me. “Sat down for a minute and let me rap with you!” 

The old school began by acknowledging the fact that he heard about the result of my trial. He confirmed my thoughts that the criminal justice system was fundamentally unfair to sentence a person my age to a life sentence. After creating a sincere rapport with me, he turned the conversation to what became the turning point in my entire life. 

First, he asked about my childhood. I explained how I lost my mother when I was only four years old. That lost had triggered a set of negative events in my life, including being forced into foster care, where I was mentally and physically abused. Trying to evade those hardships, I turned to the streets, where I was in and out of juvenile detention centers. It was in the streets were I almost lost my life when I was shot four times at close range with a 9mm handgun. We spoke about all the childhood friends I’d lost to gun violence, drug overdose, HIV, and suicides. Now there I stood, at the age of twenty, sentenced to life in prison.

 After empathizing with all I’d said, the Old School gave me the most serious look I have ever encountered in my life, and said, “Seem like you haven’t had much of a life.” 

I agreed with the nodding of my head. 

“Then that jury has done you a favor,” he said sternly. “They just sentenced you to Life, so go live it!” he said as he walked got up and walked away from the table. 

What he said initially offended me, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to understand the value of wheat he said. This Old School, who didn’t know me from the man on the moon, had gave me a set of jewels that was life altering. That night, I went sleepless. Not because of all the negative thoughts that plagued my mental state since the moment that jury had handed down my sentence. But, because of all the positive potential that laid in front of me because the jury had indeed given me permission to go live MY LIFE! 

From that day forward, I have woken up every morning appreciating the opportunity that my jury has given me to live my life. I have completely taken control of every space and moment of what determined my life. It has not been easy. I often been misunderstood by other prisoners and prison officials. They both have often accused me of forgetting that I was a prisoner. I had an ex-girlfriend that attempted to ridicule me for having “too much confidence for a person with a life sentence.” The jury had sentenced me to life, and I made a commitment to living it! I am in my twenty-seventh year of that sentence. I have lived each day as if it was created entirely for me. I have achieved all the greatness and desires of what I determined was my dreams and goals. I have walked in my own light, living my life sentence on my own terms. 

I oftentimes tell others, “If my jury had intentions on sentencing me to a hard life, they would be vastly disappointment, because I haven’t had a bad day yet!” No matter where you find yourself, give yourself permission to live your life!