2/14/24
Dear Jeffrey. Not the Jeffrey now, or the Jeffrey to come, but the Jeffrey that was and still is.
That little boy with platinum hair and a mischievous grin. That child who lives alone in his room, separated because of pain and hurt and ideas about how a child should be taught and what lessons should be learned. You’ve been locked away too long.
I know you’re sad and mad and you don’t know why you make the decisions you make. I know you feel unloved. I know you think it is your fault. These things have dimmed your shine.
Now, as I look back to times when you’ve felt these ways. I know that it isn’t true.
Your parents failed, to love you. But their parents fail to love them too.
The pain you have from these times have dulled your life and held you back.
Whether it was right or not, whether it should have happened or not doesn’t matter anymore, because its over now and I’m here for you, Jeffrey.
The lessons you didn’t learn: how to love, how to care, how to let go of your anger, how to not judge, accept, and forgive yourself,
You now know.
Jeffrey, life has been hard, and many types of dross have been added to your billet.
Growing up and living through those times would make many feel as you do.
I want you to know, that this pain was not meant for you. This pain you felt was for others, who have felt the same types of pain, but haven’t yet learned the lessons that you’ve learned now.
Jeffrey you went through this to help others. You went through fire and have come out gold.
You’re not pure yet, but much refined.
That gold is valuable to others who need to hear your story and see that they can grow.
So time to grow up Jeffrey and leave this pain behind.
We’re older now and have a beautiful daughter with a mischievous grin. A beautiful daughter who needs the love that we have learned to give. She needs us both to teach her the right lesson and be there as she grows and the fires of life get hotter.
Time to stop holding ourselves back and stoke the flames, grab that hammer and anvil. Transform ourselves into someone who is a valuable tool for her, and all people. For their lives to be fixed.
Let’s make a difference together Jeffrey.
You’re not a little boy anymore Jeffrey.
Your hurts have been healed Jeffrey.
In a little room of my mind, you’ve been held with chains of pain, but with these lessons you’ve been freed. With these tools we’ll reforge the chains into wings and fly for a better future together.
1/8/24
The other day, I was asked to join a group of men who wished to help each other be better. To let them get to know me, I took off my mask and showed them that I was a child, Lost, young and alone. I don’t know why my parents didn’t love me. I don’t know why I just couldn’t act right!
That little boy is still in me, and for him to grow; he needs to feel love, he needs to be shown what to do to be successful, he needs to be taught why those things should be done.
The reason I am that child was because I was not taught these things when the child was all I was. It was because I was still waiting for these things to come from someone else.
Until the other day, when I admitted who I was to men who cared about me, I began to see that the lessons I did not learn years ago, could be given today. I saw that those lessons could by learned by me and given to that child inside of me.
That child needed love. I could love myself unconditionally. That child needed to be taught new ways to face danger and fear. I could read the books that taught these methods. Little me needed to know why these decisions were best. So, I watched, after I tried them, peace spread to others and learned that helping them felt good.
That child is not scared, lost and alone anymore. Because I grew up to be the parent he needed.
Now I can help the men around me grow up as well.
I wrote this earlier today and hope it can help someone else. It’s helped a couple guys in here.
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