Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 32

I have once more received emails from Tracey, and while many gave support there were comments that were less than inspiring. Rather than refute their views, I will allow them their opinion of me, and that which I am doing here. I again thank you that have shown me love and support for this struggle.

Today has been uneventful with one exception. We have had another addition to our little community. The man’s name is David Powell. Texas’ hunger for death cannot be sated. As I write again I have realized that my so-called attorney has not contacted me to tell me anything. I find myself wondering how this man can look at himself in his mirror? I mean I understand that he has a caseload of appeals, but should he be able to continue to represent so many, in a word he cannot! But I do not wish to fill pages with that because it truly is counter-productive to my state of mental health. What I would like to talk about today is the tour that came through here today. I found myself in the dayroom at the time that they came in, I saw that these people saw me as nothing but a rabid animal that might lash out and kill one of them given half a chance. This saddened me more than I can tell you. I try to allow those of society to have their own opinions and not to allow those opinions to reflect upon me, but I coupled those looks with the emails I received this evening and I was reminded of the fact that more people view me as such. I am judged by them simply for being here. Never mind the facts of my case; never mind that so long a time has passed since the crime was committed. I saw them look upon me as they would some exotic and most dangerous animal on display. So much for the humane side of humanity, as I believe it to be in moderation here at the Polunsky Unit. I cannot say that every individual I come across here feels this way. Today an officer told me that they have been keeping up with these writings! I cannot say who the officer is, but that individual knows to whom I refer and I thank that person for even a silent support. It has shown me that even those who warden this place, not all are a part of the draconian rule that governs this place. This one officer’s support counters these people whose adverse opinions have been voiced where I am able to read them. I will be back with something more tomorrow.