Death Watch Journal for Kevin Varga – DAY 33

I have seen the worst possible face of humanity since coming to death row and also the best. How can this be you ask? Well let me relay a story that while not my own, is true. A man who has since been executed told this story that he entitled “What’s in the bag?” When he first arrived on the row he came to the old unit where death row was being housed. Well he came up to his new home what could only be described as drab, and believe me that by comparison the cell which I must exist is plus indeed! Well there he found himself in this empty cell with the noises of the cell hall echoing around him, he was scared and nervous. After all, these are the worst criminals that Texas’ system has. Then a man approached his cell front and asked the man his name. Not knowing what to say the man mumbled his name and then to his utter shock and amazement the other man leaned out to address the rest of the cell hall. “Hey we got a newbie here with nothing, anybody want to help him out?” Then the man disappeared as several men screamed out. The man was again alone with his thoughts. A short time later a brown paper bag was slid through the bars to the man, he had no idea who had slid the thing into his cell. For a long time he stared at the bag wondering what was the purpose of this bag? Then, as his curiosity got the better of him, he slid the bag closer with his foot to peel open the folded down top, inside were shampoo, soap and some food items. The man never found out who had given him such gifts, but on other occasions he was asked to give in return as other men would come to the row.

I have kept this story inside my head for years since reading it soon after the man had it published in some forum that I cannot remember. I have pulled this story out of memory when there have been times I needed to be reminded that not every man here with me is the monster that society would have you believe us to be. I would be the first to admit that there are men here that fit that description, but those who do not far out number those who do.

If a man is willing to change and repent should we not be given that chance? I have less than sixty days to live and I would hope that some of you out there that have adverse opinion about me and men like myself would look into your hearts and see that if it were one of the people that you loved in my place would you not want them to find help? I close on that thought for now.