Forgiveness

Forgiveness by Will Speer

I’d like to talk to you about some changes that are happening right here on Texas Death Row/Life Row. This story starts all the way back in October 2008, when a guy on the row (we’ll call him TG) called and talked to a senator on an illegally obtained cell phone. That turned out to be very bad, because of all the negative attention and repercussion it brought to those of us on Death Row. All types of things that happened because of that attention. Many shake downs, which led to loss and damaged property, property that guys were not happy to lose. Family members taken off visitation lists, resulting in stress, anxiety, trauma on both sides of the bars all from the shake downs.

Back then, I was one of the guys that had turned my back on God and thought that I could take better care of myself than HE could. As I lived here doing my own thing, my own way and getting into trouble and all kinds of bad stuff, I began to hate TG, and that hate grew every time I had property damaged or lost something I needed or valued. Then, when I got moved to the same pod he lived on, I became consumed by this hate. I would think of ways to hurt him, and all the things I wanted to do to him, to make him pay for all the stuff I had lost and couldn’t easily replace, which cost me money I didn’t have. Many other guys felt the same way. I was truly consumed by this hate. TG was isolated from the rest of the inmates for a while, and then the rank put him on what we call Death Watch, where they house the men with execution dates, because there are cameras in the cells providing 24-hour surveillance.

Years go by during this time. God is still working on me, drawing me back to HIM. Finally, one day I look around my cell and I know I don’t have the answer anymore (I never did), but I know who does. So, I turn my trust to GOD and give it all to HIM, fully surrendering my will and life to HIM. As I make this life changing choice, the path leads me down loving my neighbor and forgiveness. That’s a hard pill to swallow because of all the people who have hurt me. But I begin to change. One day they put TG in the day room near me. I did not want to talk to him or tell him I forgive him for the trouble he had caused me. But GOD had other plans and I listened. I call TG over and I told him how much time I spent hating him, and that I forgave him, but I walked away still feeling anger and hurt. I know now that was just the beginning. I join the Faith Base program and GOD began a whole new work in my life that truly changed me. I had a real experience with Jesus Christ that changed me. Thanks to programs like Bridges to Life, and a few others I learned about dealing with my past and overcoming those angers and hurts.

Fast forward to me being honored as the new coordinator of the next faith base program, living through an execution date, and coming back to live on the section that TG lived on. God has me join with TG and others, saying prayers and devotionals every morning, giving and sharing the changes that GOD created in my life with them. I was even able to help TG to forgive someone who has done great hurt in his life.

One day I found myself in the day room while TG was being escorted to shower. I’m given something for him, so I tell him, “I’ve got something for you when you come out of the shower. Come over here, I’ll give it to you, and I’ll give you a hug.”

The officers come. They pull him out with hands cuffed behind his back. I put the bag in his hand and reach my arms through the bars and hug him. I feel his tension as this is happening. I hear Satan whisper now is your chance to get him and you’ve wanted it here it is. I dismissed those words and reach out hugging him even harder. He relaxed into my hug. He walked off and went back to his cell not knowing what temptation I had experienced. As I walked away, I began to cry. I praised GOD for the change that HE had allowed me to experience. I was very emotional for a while, unable to talk, but then I was began sharing what had happened and to Praise God for allowing me to grow and change. Forgiveness is a challenge that we must overcome. Truly it is the road to peace. I know that peace that surpasses all understanding. It came from forgiving those that hurt me.

1 Peter 4:8 Love covers a multitude of sin – Will

Forgiveness by Arthur James

A simple pronunciation key for some Hawaiian vowels found in this essay:

A as “ah”

E as “eh”

I as “ee”

O as “on”

U as “oo”

‘a glottal stop, similar to the sound between the ohs in English oh-oh.

I am a firm believer that 100% of the non-physical pain in our lives – the emotional, mental, and spiritual pain – has been caused us through our relationships with other people. If we think about it for a minute, we can attach each and every pain, hurt and aching to something that someone did to us or around us, or something that someone said to us or around us, and we do not begin to heal from this pain without forgiveness. Without forgiveness we can get bitter, angry, and mistrusting, not only of other people but also ourselves.

One of the most beautiful and powerful practices my Hawaiian roots has taught me is ho’oponopono. Ho’oponopono is grounded in an ancient Hawaiian practice of ritual forgiveness. It was born out of an indigenous system of restorative justice. In the pre-European Christian missionary days of Hawai’i, a lawbreaker or mistake-maker – one who harmed themselves, another person or living thing, or the community—was taken from their coastal or less inland settlement to a place deeper inland, up to the higher ground, somewhere closer to the gods. This place was referred to as pu’uhonua – a place of refuge.

Ali’I and kahuna (chiefs and priests) would accompany the one who caused the harm and together they would enter a day-long, sometimes weeks-long powerful ritual of awareness, cleansing, forgiveness, and healing. At some point, the harmed person(s) or family member(s) would be brought to the pu’uhonua to partake in the ritual. Offense and hurt were shared, ownership and sorrow were expressed, forgiveness was offered and accepted. All persons were honored. When enough healing work and restoration of relationship had been done, a celebratory processional would occur as everyone involved marched back to the village together to fully reintegrate the mistake-maker into the fabric of the people.

Ho’oponopono has also become for many individuals, definitely for me, a deeply personal practice as well. Ho’o means “to make” and pono means “correct” or “right,” so ho’oponopono literally means “to make right.” Ho’oponopono’s deepest and most powerful meaning speaks to the restoration of brokenness in our relationship with ourselves, with others, with the God of our understanding, and with all the natural world, earth, sea, sky and living things. Ho’oponopono calls us to put in the spiritual work of forgiveness and restore back to health any ‘eha ‘eha (hurt, pain, suffering) we have caused in any of our relationships.

Ho’oponopono is a forgiveness that includes reconciliation, but sometimes the restoring of a broken relationship in the natural world is not possible. Sometimes the ‘eha ‘eha or trauma we have inflicted onto another person runs too deep and the relationship in this life will not be restored. This does not mean that we cannot invite healing to the ‘eha. We can do so in the spiritual sense.

Ho’oponopono begins with surrender. We must give up and give over our koakoa and pa’akiki (arrogance and stubbornness). Empowered by our mana (our personal creative life force), we enter ho’okuano’o with makia (meditation with focused, sustained concentration) and courageously move directly into our maka’u (fear) and ‘eha ‘eha. And we pray. We pray from our na’au (core of our being).

We express our genuine kaumaha (sorrow) and we take full kuleana (responsibility/ownership) of the ‘eha ‘eha we have caused in a particular relationship. We enter ha’aha’a (humility) and position our hearts to receive kala (cleansing/forgiveness/clearing). This kala we seek is a gift and we must realize this as we rest and settle into ho’omaika’I (gratefulness) filled with aloha (love/compassion).

Not any one of us is an island and we are never truly alone or disconnected from ourselves, from the divine, or from each other. We are all ohana (family). Through ho’oponopono we can learn forgiveness for ourselves and others. We can move closer to lokahi (balance/harmony/balance) within ourselves and others. We can reject ka’awale’ana (separation) and move toward ho’oku’ikahi (reunification/stand together).

Ho’oponopono teaches us that forgiveness is an action that we take part in, and healing is the consequence. Forgiveness is a decision we make, a very real choice that takes work and mana that pays us back with the opposite of bitterness, anger, and mistrust – tenderness, peacefulness, and acceptance, not only of other people but also ourselves.

FORGIVE

Yourself for the ‘eha ‘eha you have caused.

Those who have caused you ‘eha ‘eha

HEAL