Letters to a Future Death Row Inmate, part 14

What’s going on, bruh?

Say, I received your missive yesterday afternoon. Baby-G was holding it for me when I woke up. You know, we’re on two different time schedules, so it be a lil difficult to catch up with you and Paul and Selwynn at times. Especially you, since you tend to lay it down fairly early in the evenings, its not such a bad thing, bruh, considering there’s not a whole lot that’s going on during the night; however, I think if you tried your hand at the experience in staying up a lil later, you’ll come about to understanding the difference in what all I was sharing with you on the yard before we got locked down. Say, bruh, I tend to get some of my most profound work done during the night. Its quiet, and there’s very little to no movement, of course with the exception of the laws, but that is a given. Which is yet another thing you’re gonna have to learn to adjust to. I heard about you bumping heads with that law the other night. Tate and them told me about it, plus I kinda heard a bit myself, but say, bruh, I be in my own lil world up in here. I try not to allow myself to get caught up in the drama that surrounds us, unless it can affect me in some form or fashion, or its concerning someone I really cut fa, which in this instance was the case.

But let me finish addressing the issue of the night shift before I go any further in what I wanted to say. See bruh, the reason I chose to go to night shift was basically to create more ”me time”, as one would say. And being on nights allows one to really be able to think and meditate on the things which you’ve allowed to inhabit your mind. See bruh, in the daytime, so many things is going on, that your mind is unable to just relax, and when your mind have to attend to too many things, it becomes extremely difficult to process all of your thoughts. That creates a breakdown somewhere within you. And I have a feeling that is part of the reason that you get tired and sleepy a lot. I also believe that your slow progress in tryn to adjust and adapt to this environment also plays a role in your mental/physical exhaustion. This place, bruh, if you don’t know, creates depression and sensory deprivation. You may not realize this but sensory deprivation is a very serious thing. It not only exacerbates mental illnesses, which by the way many guys back here suffers from, out it causes one to become hypersensitive to external stimuli. You will find yourself tense and incapable of concentrating throughout the day, whether its because of officers slamming doors, gates, and beanslots, or cats yelling over top one another, fighting for airwave time. Or maybe even something as small as one guy in the dayroom trying to have a conversation with someone in they house. This hypersensitivity also makes it easier for ones sleep to be disturbed by blaring walkie-talkies and clicking and the slamming of these crossover doors.

That’s why I said what I said the other day about staying conscious and aware of where you are, and why you’ve been sent here! You don’t wanna become zombified! Say bruh, its a lot of individuals here that are walking zombies, but yet are not even conscious of this: They say, when its hard for one to see themselves, others discover thee most plainly! And that is true, bruh, just look around you, and play back some of the many conversations you’ve held with the individuals you’ve lived around since your short time here. Even you said it yourself one day, when you made that observation in saying “you see now you gots to watch yourself, cause some of these cats are out of control.” I don’t know of lust how much you realize how true that statement is, but you’re right. You are absolutely right, bruh, it is a lot of individuals back here, and not just back here, but locked up out there in GP, that still haven’t learnt a damn thing since being locked up.

Some people, you’ll come to understand, just don’t have no rule over their lives. And it has a lot to do with their upbringing and the environments which cultivated the minds of such uncaring and chaotic attitudes that we tend to see manifest from within us, and around us, on a daily basis.

The lack of responsibility, the lack of valuing, not only your own life, but other lives as well. The total disregard for respecting others and of those in authority over you! Did I just say people of authority over you? Yes, I did, bruh. And the reason I say this is because I believe in law, bruh! And I believe that law governs all things, including the universe, which is course another discussion all in itself. I’m sure you may be a lil confused as to what I mean, and where as I stand on all of this, but say, I done have no problem with respecting authority. See, there’s a difference between those that are in authority over you, and those that are in power and oppressing you! Ahh, now do you kinda see where I’m going with this?

See bruh, word play is powerful, and its even more powerful when you are in understanding as to what you’re dealing with, which enables you to be able to utilize what it is that you know! Sometimes I spend hours studying words and their meanings. And doing introspections on myself, seeing how well I retain the knowledge that I’ve learnt. How well I understand it, for knowledge is void without implementation, which means that one should assess the know-how (knowledge) they’ve acquired, and see if it is applicable. And to understand the necessity to pinpoint a field of study that you’re interested in, and pursue it! So in order for you to drive through this system of oppression, you must understand it and the mentality that allows it to perpetuate itself.

It is a must that we remain in constant analysis, searching for solutions to our dilemmas and personal problems. I do understand that as a young student of Islam, you have a lot of learning and things you must abide by. Truly I know and understand; I’ve read the Qur’an, and many of its other extended literatures before, so I know quite well your struggle. My suggestion to you is to just keep searching and keep seeking for the Truth, bruh, and God will reveal it to you, if you so seek it earnestly. I urge you to be free and a creative thinker, to use the power of your mind, and let spirit of God call forth ideas from the depths of your existence, but in its end experience will no doubt be your best teacher. And I’ve had to learn quite a few lessons within my 19 year journey in this place. So if I never learn another lesson before I am to go to my grave, I know this: I can rest (spiritually) for what I, have attained. I’ve noticed You’ve got a thirst for knowledge, and you appear to enjoy reading just about anything you can get your hands on, which is good. I wish I had been more into reading when I got here, like you are now.

Its possible that I wouldn’t still be here along side you today, facing an execution date. One thing about you I like, and which may end up being one of your strongest attributes, is that you don’t have a problem being critical of what you hear and see and read, especially the latter. You are very receptive and you understand the need to assess everything as well as everyone via observation, so that you may be able to place things within their proper perspectives. I’m impressed that you understand it as a science. It’s good to be able to think critically. Dr Martin Luther King once said that anyone that isn’t capable of thinking critically isn’t worthy of living! Always recognize that all human endeavors are imperfect and incomplete. Perfection demands continuous study, growth, and constructive progress and change! Be thankful/humble for all that you have, however don’t be misled by the amounts of power and authority that is extended here on earth to you, because none here can successfully challenge nor defeat “The Truth”

Bruh, I’m going to leave off for now. I will write some more tomorrow. Sometimes when I put pen to paper, it doesn’t want to stop! Keep yourself together until then!