The Gang Mentality
By Daniel Montano
When will it be enough, will you ever let me walk away? Damn the day I invited you in from the shadows to stay.
How long did you hide in those shadows? Watching me lose battle after battle, with bullies, authority, family and finally with my own sanity. Watching me lose my drive for doing what is right, way before I can even drive. You waited for me to fall into a state of confusion, where irrational thoughts are built, then you poured on me that sense of guilt, for feeling weak, with low self-esteem, and being poor in an unfair world.
As a kid you deceived me, you played on my grief, came in and stole my life like a thief. You fooled a young boy into thinking you were worth fighting for. You had that mask ready for me, tailor made just for me, perfectly fit for all my insecurities. Before I knew it, you had me hooked, obsessed and addicted, do anything to prove myself to you. Had me hunt my own kind down like prey, just so you could stay.
I lied for you, I terrorized communities for you, I risked my life over and over again, I even killed for you, and you still expect me to be your fool. You had me hate those that brought me love, and instead, you had me embrace those that would discard me if I chose authenticity over mindless reactionary impulsivity.
You controlled my mind when I didn’t know who I was, but today I know who I am and I know who you are. You chose my enemies, sending me like a weapon against those who otherwise would be friends to me. Cleverly telling me I’m not hurting the innocent, they know the game, no need for shame. Is it not enough that you have taken so much? Had me staring at my mother on her death bed, even then you couldn’t keep silent, always wanting more, rotten to the core, you need to let me go.
When will it be enough, will you ever let me walk away? Damn the day I invited you in from the shadows, to stay.
You labeled me your definition of a gangster, which don’t pertain to me, you threw away the key and called it my destiny. Low and behold, God almighty had his own master key, unshackled me from everything that was you and set me free, and came to live inside of me. So now you see me walk in fellowship and you throw at me trick after trick, trying to get me to slip that mask back on that won’t ever fit, again, because can’t you see, I’ve changed, I’m not same, I was born again.
P.S. I recently wrote this poem, as I found myself getting frustrated over the powers that be in here, not respecting the fact that we have moved on from our old destructive ways. As always, poetry helps me cope.
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