I have an open relationship with the woman that I love. Due to the amount of time I am serving in prison, we determined it would be in our best interest to form a Love Contract.
Allow me to illustrate this picture in its proper context. In New Jersey we don’t have conjugal visitation privileges. A conjugal visit is when your spouse is permitted to visit you and the two of you can copulate; have sexual intercourse. Let’s be perfectly clear here, if I had access to these conjugal visits there wouldn’t be any need for my woman to fulfill her sexual desires outside of our relationship. Trust and believe, I’m more than capable of satisfying her needs. Also, don’t get it confused, the woman I am referring to is not promiscuous, nor am I a philanderer. We are a civilized couple operating in a dignified manner.
Maintaining a traditional monogamous relationship is difficult as it is. To manage one while a partner is incarcerated is even more challenging. B.u.t. (Born Universal Truth), when that companion is serving a life sentence, monogamy is extremely troublesome and virtually impossible. In theory, you are expecting your lady to take a lifelong vow of celibacy. To be celibate for a period of time is peace and righteous. In contrast, to abstain from sex for life is against the laws of nature. The image of life long monogamy is more like a mirage than reality. Under my specific circumstances, where I am sentenced to spend 75 years in prison, my relationships must be uniquely defined and reduced to negotiated terms and agreements; hence a Love Contract.
There are many reasons why people choose to form Love Contracts. Some want to keep their erotic life active and vital while in long-term faithful relationships or to fulfill sexual or emotional desires they can’t meet with only one partner or their existing partner. Some are simply trying to balance unequal sex drives. I formed a Love Contract because the distance between my partner and I was putting a strain on our relationship.
The nuances that go into a Love Contract are difficult to explain and just as difficult for people in society to grasp. You both have to be in tune with yourselves. You have to know what you will and will not tolerate and add those things into the contract. For example, if you are someone who is concerned with how others may view your relationship, you may want to add things to your contract to ensure that your partner’s extracurricular activities are discreet and not broadcast to the public. Implementing language such as, “you can’t bring this person to family gatherings, to your home, and I can’t know the person” may provide you the comfort of not having to be judged by friends and family. Each contract will be unique and specifically catered to the couple’s personal emotional temperament.
Under the Love Contract, faithfulness has to do with honesty, respect, and loyalty more than sexual exclusivity and commitment. The Love Contract between my woman and I gives us both the freedom to allow our love to flow in multiple directions. Even though I give her the permission to have multiple sex partners, she doesn’t break our bond as long as she remains honest, and her respect and loyalty never wavers. Now, let me mention this again, so there is no confusion, if I was home, in the free cipher, this dynamic would be absolutely intolerable. Emphatically Now Cipher!
I am often asked by the faint of heart, “How are you able to maintain long-term, long-distance relationships with women and you have nearly 50 years left on your sentence?” I usually make a vague understatement that sums up my experience in a few words, “You have to master the art of compromise.” Realistically speaking, I consider myself emotionally intelligent and a good communicator: essential characteristics to any relationship.
Most people never stop to consider whether their personal characteristic makes them better suited for polygamy or monogamy. I know women who are content being the side chick to a man that is already in a committed relationship, married or otherwise. And I know some brothers who prefer to creep with a female that has a man at home. Some of my peoples also have formed what they call, Friends with Benefits. All of them are willingly sharing their sex partners; in essence they have Love Contracts. It’s just carried out in an immature manner because all parties involved aren’t totally aware of their partners’ extramarital affairs.
Prison is a subculture. So the standards we have to adjust to in order to find normalcy are usually frowned upon by free society. Housing a man in prison is unnatural. Even Yakub didn’t build prison houses for his followers. The wicked prison industrial complex is a tool of the devil. Its primary design is to disrupt the natural function and strength of the Black family. I strive daily to live my life in accordance with nature. In this abnormal habitat I have to adapt to my environment and overcome, even if it means using eccentric methods. Under these unconventional circumstances, I can’t be selfish. I must be self-less. Being aware of the important role of the Original Black family, I know and understand I have a duty to build with these Earths, Moons, Queens, Goddesses, and Planets, regardless to whom or what. They are co-creators, Mothers of civilization. It’s my cultural obligation.
This extended stay in prison has opened up my mind and heart to embrace the lifestyle of a polygamist. Polygamy has been a part of societal norms since time immemorial. There are only a few species on the planet that actually have one mating-partner throughout the entire course of their lifetime. Biblical characters Father Abraham, King David and Solomon were all non-monogamous. In Mosaic Law, only sexual intercourse with another man’s wife was forbidden. I perceive polygamy to be a more complex form of relationship for men and women who have already mastered the basics of intimacy and are prepared to evolve into more complex social beings.
I’ve had multiple failed relationships since I’ve been locked up these last 17 years and my partner was in the free cipher. After analyzing the root cause of our conscious uncoupling, I realized that each of those relationships had one thing in common. The woman I was dating ended up being sexually involved with another man. Sometimes she would tell me about these encounters and other times I had to read in between the lines because the writing was on the walls.
After repeatedly failing to maintain love while being locked down, I realized I could never fulfill the need for physical contact that these women required. Mentally and emotionally I was stimulating, supportive, and encouraging. On the physical aspect, I was damn near nonexistent. I was limited to a 90-minute visit, two times per week. One of my female companions jokingly called me her True and Living Mystery God because she only saw me on Sundays.
I contemplated deeply on the issue and after assessing my circumstances, I decided that I needed to reevaluate my understanding of love. Love is the highest form of understanding. Love is not a piece of pie where someone else could get a bigger slice, which meant less for me. Love is not an object. Rather, love is energy, a vibration, a state of consciousness.
I recognized that the expectations that I had placed on these women were irrational and unreasonable. It was inconsiderate of me to demand that these women were to refrain from infidelity while I served out the remainder of my life sentence. I sincerely possessed a supreme level of love and respect for these women, so I had to be willing to revamp my definition of a relationship.
As a result, in my current relationship, I no longer require sexual exclusivity. I am surprised to have developed the necessary emotional maturity to make this possible. I am not making this agreement just to maintain the peace. That would only cause a sense of resentment in the long run. When you love someone unconditionally you want to see that person happy regardless, even if it means that it may cause you pain (Love, Hell or Right). Because I truly love this woman unconditionally, it didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would. We came out of the Hell all-Right.
Upon creating a Love Contract and suggesting that my partner date other men, I’ve experienced what the Kerista Community refers to as compersion. Compersion means to feel joy and delight when one’s beloved loves or is being loved by another. Basically compersion is the opposite of jealousy.
My current girlfriend wishes to remain anonymous. For the sake of this essay, I’ll call her Khadijah. Khadijah and I have known each other for over twenty years. I have been in prison for 17 of those years. We met at a night club, went on a few dates and remained close friends ever since. Prior to my incarceration, we never entered into a committed relationship together.
A few years ago, she reached out to check on my well-being. Within a few weeks time, we began communicating regularly as nothing more than flirtatious acquaintances. As time went on, our friendship morphed into a more personal relationship. We developed a bond that transcends space and time. If I were not sentenced to life in prison plus 10 years to be served consecutively, it’s likely that we would be married. The only thing that is keeping us apart is the fact that I am in prison.
Our level of intimacy has significantly intensified over the years. Our open dialogue keeps me aware of her sexual desires that I am presently unable to fulfill. Out of love and respect for her, I allow those needs to be met, on my terms as per our Love Contract.
Confidingly, Khadijah has expressed, “I have never been involved in anything that has caused me to have more self-reflection and intense personal growth than preparing our Love Contract.” The only boundaries we have are the ones we set in place for each other. The prison system is designed to destroy families; with the Love Contract we are overcoming astronomical odds.
I hear a lot of other incarcerated people speak about their “wifey” having a little friend, or Fuck Buddy on the side. This method of concession has become a coping mechanism to survive the loneliness and emotional void associated with being locked up. I realize that some of their dynamics are more significant than mine because they may have children together or were legally married prior to their incarceration, so their bonds are solidified.
And to anybody who wants to say that this is deviation, I disagree. This is elevation. A bond between two is elementary; a bond between three is more supreme. This emotional system can best be understood as a series of interlocking triangles. A two-person system is inherently unstable. When there is one bond linking two people, this sole bond must absorb any tensions between the two. When this bond breaks, the connection is lost. In a three-person system, there are three bonds. So the trio is potentially three times as durable. One bond can break without completely destroying the whole system, allowing time for repairs or rejuvenation. If the bonds are of equal strength and flexibility, each one carries one-third of the stress, thus distributing the load and making the whole relationship more durable. This is why the triangle is the basis of structural designing in engineering.
Esoteric writings from many different sources teach of healing or harmonious triangles and the balancing qualities of the third force. Without the synthesizing energies of the third, we are left alternating between two irreconcilable polarities.
Two is the essence of duality; nevertheless, three is the number of synthesis because it holds the two together. For instance, Knowledge and Wisdom needs Understanding, the best part, to hold everything together. The same principle goes for Love and Peace needing the glue of Happiness as a synthesis to hold everything together. Three/Understanding is what gives us harmony amongst each other. L is the 12th letter (1+2=3) in the Supreme Alphabet, which stands for Love; Hell or Right. In every atom, there is a proton, or positive force; an electron, or negative force; and a neutron, the neutral or synthesizing force.
Love Triangles in our society are stereotypically depicted with strife, jealousy, and betrayal. What Khadijah and I have co-created here is a triangle that heals, not hurts. The universal archetype of the Love Triangle is not inherently one of jealous conflict; it’s one of understanding. The triangle is described as the only self-stabilizing, constant pattern in the universe. Thus it is the basis of all structural systems. In actuality, when you do the science to it, this Love Contract is mathematically plausible and we’re operating on a higher plane.
Love Is…
By Shakeil Price
Love is the highest form of understanding.
Love is the very essence of man, and his female companion.
Love is eternal. Therefore, Love is immortal.
Love is God.
Love is the nature of Earth.
Love is the force that pushes humans to birth.
Love is the Marriage between Knowledge and Wisdom.
Love is never timid.
Love has tremendous Power.
I’ve seen love make brave men of cowards.
Love has the Power to make broken men, whole again.
Love makes the impossible, possible.
With Love we shall overcome all obstacles.
First and foremost, you must learn to love;
Learn to love yourself; learn to love your people.
When you are one with the creator,
you love all God’s creatures Equal.
Love flows through my body,
intertwined with the blood in my veins.
When love flows through your organs,
They no longer function the same.
What was once dark and dusty,
is now beautifully Black.
That white noise in my ear is like an Eminem rap.
When love flows through the tongue,
Words are sweet to the ear. Love flowing through my eyes,
Now my vision is clear.
When selfless love arises in the heart,
one experiences Peace in their life.
When thoughts of love flood the mind,
then your vibe is delight.
Its two sides to the coin Love;
Hell or Right.
When love is not pure, it is dysfunctional and toxic.
A transactional love is imitation, counterfeit.
It looks like love and it feels like love.
It may cause you to reach a climax,
but it’s not love.
True love will turn your body into an ocean of bliss.
Love is great to receive, though it’s better to give.
On a quest to find love, you shall seek it within
Cold hearted fools have given up,
And claim it doesn’t exist.
Love increases when you endure trials and tribulations.
Love is a nuclear bomb defending the Righteous Nation.
Love consists of, unification and admiration.
Love can blind you, and guide you toward indecent lustful cravings.
Love is your divine nature,
unless you’re a Divine Evil.
Life is useless without love.
Life with love is so meaningful.
Love Peace and Happiness is a trio of ecstasy.
Love is a drug. Love is a medicine.
Love can also be deadly.
So please, be cautious.
Proceed at your own risk.
Love is… What love is.
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