Smooth Focus for Fifth Grader and Beyond
By Milton Gobert
To become a cool and smooth dude you have to be able to (identify) what your (Feeling). These are “Positive and Negative” feeling:
(POSITIVE) FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE FULFILLED:
- Amazed
- Comfortable
- Confident
- Eager
5))Energetic
- Fulfilled
- Glad
- Hopeful
- Inspired
- Intrigued
- Joyous
- Moved
- Optimistic
- Proud
- Relieved
- Stimulated
- Surprised
- Thankful
- Touched
- Trustful
(NEGATIVE )FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE NOT FULFILLED
- Angry
- Annoyed
- Concerned
- Confused
- Disappointed
- Discouraged
- Distressed
- Embarrassed
- Frustrated
- Helpless
- Hopeless
- Impatient
- Irritated
- Lonely
- Nervous
- Overwhelmed
- Puzzled
- Reluctant
- Sad
- Uncomfortable
So Young King, I want you to look each one of these words up on your phone. And (Learn) their (Definition). Then write down on your phone when you have felt that way. And when you have seen someone else feel that way. Your friends, or your girlfriend, or your coach, or your teacher’s. Write down the (Word) that match what they are (Feeling). Young King, this is the first step in getting along with these following people:
- Your mom
- Your brother
- Your friends
- Yourself
- Your teacher’s
- Your Coache’s.
Because if you (Understand) how they are (Feeling) you (Should Not) hurt their feeling,. Or you should not get confused on what your mother expects from you. And you should be able to get along with your friend’s without hurting their feeling’s.
QUESTIONS, Q- IS FOR QUESTION, AND A- IS FOR ANSWER.
you ready?
Q: When your mom asked you to behave in school, what (word) you think she is feeling?
(a) Anger
(b) Concern
(c) Disappointment
A:
Q: When your teacher’s have to discipline you in school, what (word) you think describes what they are Feeling?
(a) Frustrated
(b) Irritated
(c) Overwhelmed
A:
Q: When you get disciplined, what word would you choose to describe how your feeling at that time?
(a) Sad
(b) Uncomfortable
(d) Nervous
A:
Q: When you do something good, What (word) would you choose to describe how your mom is feeling?
(a) Glad
(b) Amazed
(d) Inspired
A:
Q: When you do good in Football, what (Word) would you choose to describe how your feeling at that time?
(a) Stimulated
(b) Proud
(c) Optimistic
A:
Q: How does your Football Coaches feel when you do good on the football field?
(a) Thankful
(b) Joyous
(d) Surprised
A:
Q: Choose a (word) you think your friends are Feeling about you?
(a) Embarrassed
(b) Energetic
(d) Nervous
A:
Q: Choose the (word) above you feel when you answer a question right in front of your friend’s in the classroom when the teacher ask you?
(a) Relieved
(b) Fulfilled
(d) Confident
A:
(Clearly Expressing How I Am Without Blaming Or Criticizing)
Q,: Mom, come sit down with me and let’s talk about how our day went?
A: OK!
Q: Mom, I’m feeling, (you finish)
A: Son, I’m feeling, (Mom finish)
Q: Mom the teacher, (you finish)
A: Son, I understand, (Mom finish).
Emphatically receiving how you are without hearing blame or criticism:
Q: Mom, is something wrong with me feeling this way?
A: No!! nothing is wrong with you feeling an Emotion. Feeling Anger, resentment, Hatred. But you have to process it right. How you (feel) through it.
OBSERVATION: What I observe (see, hear, remember, imagine, free from my evaluations) that does or does not contribute to my well-being:
Q: Mom, can I speak to you about something that have always been on my mind to ask you?
A: Sure, son what is it?
Q: Mom, you remember when you, (son finish)
A: Son I never knew I offended you,(mom finish)
When I (see, hear) . . . What you observe (see, hear, remember, imagine, free from your evaluations) that does or does not contribute to your well-being: When you see/hear . . . (Sometimes unspoken when offering empathy.)
FEELINGS How I feel (emotion or sensation rather than thought) in relation to what I observe: I feel . . . How you feel (emotion or sensation rather than thought) in relation to what you observe: You feel
NEEDS What I need or value (rather than a preference or a specific action) that causes my feelings: because I need/value . . . What you need or value (rather than a preference or a specific action) that causes your feelings: because you need/value. Clearly requesting that which would enrich my life without demanding.
Emphatically receiving that which would enrich your life and your son’s life without hearing any demand.
REQUESTS The concrete actions I would like taken: Would you be willing to . . . ? The concrete actions you would like taken: Would you like . . . ? (Sometimes unspoken when offering empathy.) For him to know what Emotional-Intelligence is you have to walk through each Emotional-Battles with him.
Further clarify this difference in focus (between getting what we want and getting what everyone wants), In my experience, that person will resist what we request if they see us as only interested in getting our own needs met and if they don’t trust that we are equally concerned with meeting their needs. Genuine cooperation is inspired when participants trust that their own needs and values will be respectfully addressed. You see this unfold in prison, as well.
But with your son I look back with my mom ladies and through my Empirical-steps my mom and I took was the following:
- expressing our own needs;
- sensing the needs of others, regardless of how others are expressing themselves;
- checking to see whether needs are accurately being received;
- providing the empathy people need in order to hear the needs of
others; and - translating proposed solutions or strategies into positive action language.
When my mother and I kept our conversations on each other’s (Need’s), Empatheticness, was activated in our (Heart’s). And our (Hearts-Mind) connection start leaning toward a mutually satisfactory resolution. Not many people are literate in expressing their needs. My mother and I was not. Instead, they have been trained to criticize, insult, and otherwise communicate in ways that create distance among people.
As a result, even in conflicts for which resolutions exist, resolutions are not found. Instead of both parties expressing their own needs and understanding the needs of your son both sides play the game of who’s right. That game is more likely to end in various forms of verbal, psychological, or physical violence than in a peaceful resolution of differences.
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