Poetry by Sarah Mecum

What’s Out There
By Sarah Mecum

When I look up into a dark sky, I see us, because every molecule in us also appears in star dust. I see the future and the past come together in a present moment meant to last. I feel the loving embrace of infinite opportunities pulling me away into imagination and reality of what could be right before my eyes if only I could see the webs of life that hold the sky to earth, our blanket of protection. I see peace, because that is what I always look for when I look to see, what is really “out there”.

Meeting of the Minds
By Sarah Mecum

“Here, Here, the meeting begins.” “You are here today to agree to your position of influence in Sarah’s life to help her in her well-rounded approach to success. You each have a talent in her desired categories that make you the best support possible. This is a lifelong commitment even through death, to be a driving force and inspiration. You have been chosen and qualify by your positive characteristics, negative ones are overloaded unless they clash with her core values, in which case you will be replaced. This is an honorable spot you are receiving. You are as unique as her and will obtain the utmost respect for your impactful vision. Blink twice if you agree to the position.” “Welcome to the soulful team.”

The Truth
By Sarah Mecum

It is natural to see ourselves in others, even helpful if you are open-minded and believe what you speak. You could see good things or issues that each other are blind to. This can come out as irritation at times. Through moments of advice, it could seem like a speech for another, but if you really listen, it could hit home harder to the speaker. Sometimes when I write, it has the same effect and I amaze myself. They say if you want to learn something, teach it.

Poem #4
By Sarah Mecum

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” — Carlos Castaneda

This quote really hits home for me. I noticed on my healing journey how much energy I was actually expending to keep up my angry walls. After so many nights and days alone because of self-isolation with my emotions, I came to realize that I could easily say “Hi.” instead of “Leave me alone.” The switch brought me back to my humanity. Opening doors to connections and outlets I thought I could never have. Nobody wants to hear a sad story that makes them cry unless they can find a little healing from it. Find your strong worth sharing and go make some friends worth having.

Goals and Fears
By Sarah Mecum

I think it takes a little fear to balance the good sometimes. Especially if you can acknowledge it then turn it into faith. There is a healthy aspect to all things, even those seen as bad, because they help us to evolve. If I fear getting in trouble, then I will likely avoid troubling situations. This goes hand in hand with your “gut feeling” and “intuition.” As for fear of failure, that is a negative self-talk that should be acknowledged then shut down right away. I don’t believe in failure unless you give up, lay down, and refuse to get up again. We all go through these normal feelings, worldwide, regardless of religion, race, or creed. As humans we are always pushing forward, even when it’s hard to see. I achieve goals and increase confidence by doing what I love to do and have passion for. Even one moment thinking about it is putting energy towards my goal.

Giving Back
By Sarah Mecum

We all give back any time we encourage another to stay motivated. I currently give back with my yoga class on my housing unit. We are lucky to have the equipment at our disposal. It is mutually beneficial because I gain a community and learn different skills from each lady who joins that I can pass on. If I could afford to, I would supply each house with equipment and fund a yoga class where I could teach women to teach others so that each house could have its very own teacher. It would be good for the overall experience of prison if there were more programs that were based around health and wellness. Acceptance could be based on drive or attitude instead of a TABE score. It would be beautiful to help others on a bigger scale. It’s a dream!

Lessons of Love
By Sarah Mecum

The relationships I have now are very important and have taught me so much. I spent most of my life with face-to-face relationships that were hard to communicate in. Now, with my only outlet of love being through the phone or cards, I’ve had to work on expressing myself different, more positive, or risk losing the few people who were here for the long haul. By using poetry and art, I learned how I can receive love and the ways I feel comfortable giving it. The people in my life know me better now that I know myself. We have a give and receive relationship that is healthy and we comfortably communicate our defaults so that if things come up in the future that seem out of character, we can understand why. I love my family and friends. I am blessed for the consistent contact between them all.

Poem #8
By Sarah Mecum

“Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.” — Malcolm X

What a great quote, from a strong inspiration. These words, I know, touched the souls of many people, especially those wondering whether they need education to succeed. I don’t hear “go to school”. What I do hear is “educate yourself”. Chase the knowledge you need for your dream future. For that dream I must put in work today. If I want to make it beyond what I see, I need to book me a flight on education and take myself to this new world of possibilities.

Fall to Grace
By Sarah Mecum

captured
door closed upon me
my eyes followed suit
to assure my safety
squeezed shut
to ease the shakey
held on for dear life
as the world seemed to be
a never ending fall
till one day
I had finally had enough
my emotions ready to explode
in search of healing
I allowed my eyes to open
to see
I hadn’t ever been falling
I hadn’t even moved
the time was here
to face the fear
of alone
except that I wasn’t
I could still see
your bright as ever eyes
watching
waiting to see me
accept my fate
ever so gracefully.

Changed
By Sarah Mecum

repeat dreams
of flash floods,
mail calls
from higher-ups
as you chase me away
I’m thought to be
whatever you think of me,
as I pay too close attention
to what the world has to say,
not like the rest, or maybe I am
because I can’t help but formal protest
of the weak state of mind
you would rather us stay in
those days are over
now the time to shine
rearranged my insides
so I can run a little faster
than the mobs that hate
speak out the dirty secrets
so they can judge
no longer weighed down
for I have
woken up

Bullet of Hope
By Sarah Mecum

You can hurt this body
It’s done
You can’t hurt this brain
It’s numb
You thought you could destroy me
But I’m far from dead
With a bullet of hope
Stuck in my head
It’s left to interpret
Where it came from
You or me
It’s there
So deep
Buried
Until I speak
Then it becomes
A bullet of hope
Sitting between clenched teeth.
 
Life
By Sarah Mecum

The days never end
The food we put in our bodies
So complex
The things we read build on a foundation
Of our minds
The people we surround ourselves with add to us
Like a spiderweb of consciousness
All these intertwined
Like a braided rope, a DNA strand
So long
We can’t see either end
As we stand in the middle
We hold it and vow we will change
Then we wait
For some spectacular thing to happen
I thought it might unravel
Instead I see it knot
In several upon hundreds of spots
I use them to pull the rope to me
To reclaim my heritage, my moments, my creed
Meditating on each spot
To open the truth
From pandora’s box
Stuck in the mind of my youth

My Wolf
By Sarah Mecum

I see the world as so perfect
She says I’m being naïve
“Which wolf will you feed”
I say I’ve got it all handled
I choose to be happy
She reminded me that we are in
An environment of limited choices
“Forgiveness or rage”
I say I can work on it
Before I get out , to handle my ways
She tells me that you can’t plan for everything
That the world can be cruel and ugly, even with
A smile on your face. It can hold you down,
Even when you’re doing your best
I ask, so how can I plan a future, if
Outside it won’t last
The wolf whispers
“Empower yourself”
So now I have a mission, I can see
A future in, the empowerment
Of my being

I Still Live for You
By Sarah Mecum

I may be locked away
Though my perspective
Is always encased in freedom
To be my own grand designer
I believe the hardest part
Is living for myself
Day in and day out
When my soul feels the need
To be the mother
To a son that was born to me
I find myself lost
In the complications
Of how hard to push myself
Away from the edges
Ground myself in the center
Of my world that I can see
Even when my desires
Lure me to peek beyond
My easy comes in waves
Only when I take the advice
To let go and let God
So most days I do
Though I still think about you

Bring Me My Faith
By Sarah Mecum

I used to say, don’t invite people in
Because you invite their energy with them
Through the doorway, into yours
When after you come to realize
What you try the hardest at
Is liable to slip you up a few times
All recently being brought to your attention
May very well become your new damnation
Some may say, the ignorant have it easy
For they know not what they do
But this day and age the world expects you
To be up to date on all the expert ways
On how to and how not to ruin your life
Straight out of the womb
We have evolved into a no mistake territory
With no room to juggle
You either make it or break it in
Then battle the world
With what you have been given
And now, I say nothing, only a call out
To my higher power
Because I know, regardless of my position
I am deserving of protection
From the unseen and unfair expectation
Which allows me to live so open
So faithfully

I Close My Eyes
By Sarah Mecum

I look out the window
To see your face
Across the street
I run to catch up
To protect you
But I grow old
With every foot beat
I finally make it to you
To see you’ve grown up too
No longer in need
Of protecting from anything
My composure flustered
My mind weak
When I sit to envision
That street
I know I won’t ever fully
Let you go
Though I know you’ll reject me
If I hold you too close
So I guess I’ll sit here
Just a little while longer
As I watch you out the window.

All I Need
By Sarah Mecum

My body feels hijacked
with the young me
wide eyed sitting in the back
the world that once held me
so close, so lovingly
now has become
a faraway memory
as the car of reality
drives on
flashing sign silently screams
seat belt on, no jumping off
till the ride is completely done
the constantly dismissed towns
of heaven and hell
fly by the window
I’ve seen it all
with my clenched fists to comfort me
from uncertainty
the only consistency
as my ride rages on
I reach for the radio
all I need now is a country love song

Trying to Heal
By Sarah Mecum

the ability to explore
the depths of the world
to the ugly truth captured
in the internal void
I dance a dance
upon an ever changing
damaged foundation
begging for the wisdom
to fix what I can
before it’s too late
hands surround me
with trinkets
that make it all seem ok
though the mask
only adds to my curiosity
as to how we could of ever
let it come this far
the balance noticeably uneven
like floor boards broken by treason
towards God
ripped away
leaving only pure holy pain
in the wake

Raw Courage
By Sarah Mecum

I stand around you
Emotional and weak
As I paint out
My slow melting world
That had surrounded me
Now as each drip
Falls away
I’m left to the raw courage
That had been frozen inside of me
I find it in forms
Hidden beneath
The blood curdling screams
That no one can hear
Except me
Each release
Leaves me a little
Raw and sour
As I find
That’s where true courage sleeps
Entangled in the pain
I work through
Each time I awake

How It Feels
By Sarah Mecum

Enflamed
How my spirit feels
After being gone
For so long
Navigating my memories
To retune
My ways of love for you,
Entrapped
With ways of steps missed
Because I never had the chance
To perfect me,
Watching you grow,
In my dreams,
To you I cling,
With every ounce
Of the inborn ability
That comes with
The being,
Of a mother wasted,
Till the universe takes pity
And gives me reason
To lay in bed
And tame my lonely soul

Marcia Dawn
By Sarah Mecum

Your tears are like diamonds
As they slide down your cheek
The way you express your pain
Makes me weak
I’m without the strength to hold back my words
Of comfort, so true
Every sentence I’ve ever spoke to you
How perfect you are
How I watch your every move
To learn how you are
To learn how you do
You teach me more than I ever could have asked for
By just being you
An open book
An open door
If my words never made it through
The dark cloud of the non medicated you
I hope and believe my prayers will
Hold strong, beautiful mom
He is obviously watching over you

Chess
By Sarah Mecum

The strategy behind each play
Stimulates mine in such a deep place
Hard to express through words
When it needs to be by actions
The only time i can overtake another
Without the guilt on my mind,
The only time my hands have a play in loss
That is still good for both sides
The only time the silence rides
On confident waves of energy
The back and forth harmony
Of love and war between two,
A respect of, you move, I move
I can’t seem to get enough
As it opens up a picture
In my mind
Of the ties between goals and beliefs
In the same aspect
Strategy,
Win, lose, move, play
A dance every day,
You may not see the pieces move
But I do

Kisses
By Sarah Mecum

I can’t get you out of my sights
Out of my mind
I hear your words
Even with open eyes
So strong a heart
I hear the beat
So far away
As you run so free
You’re all I ever needed
All I ever still do
As I fantasize all the ways
In which I loved you
You tease my peace
As you speak my name
Dazzle me by always being
One thought away
So deep in my brain
That when I dream
I hear you sing

Water
By Sarah Mecum

The water
It’s a part of our lives
So tight in need
That regardless of quality
It’s ours, every day, every night
Unable to separate the good
From the bad because
It’s not something we can lack
So every morning it’s the first thing
I wake up to
And the last touch of my day
Some could say it’s my everything
And in most ways
It reminds me of you
In every way
You were my water

Lux Lee
By Sarah Marcum

You are perfect,
So pure, I already see
I know you will grow up
To be so amazing
You rule my world
So unique, so good
I’ve never met anyone
Who comes close to your grace
To not know you
Will be my curse
You are my son, made in God’s image,
To the heavens your voice is heard
I know it takes time to realize this
To learn is a cure
Some day you will have every reason
To search the world as a bird
I hope you find these words
To help overlook any negative ever heard
Stay smart, and never let anyone
Drag you down
Your name means “light”
Because in you,
That is what I found.

My Journey
By Sarah Marcum

I’m in a vast ocean
Of sinking ships
The waves threatening
To pull me under
As they pretend to rock me asleep with love
I cling to the door
Incase the whole thing capsizes
And im left to swim
My way to safety
In the murky brown water
And when the storm is over
From the sea I sprout my feet
To begin another journey
The mud becomes
My bestfriend
Even though it holds me
With ice cold hands
It hardens with a mask of protection
To protect me from
The piercing judging eyes
Of people with more class
Who have travelled
A less hard path.

Then and Now
By Sarah Mecum

My hair stands on end
In your over ecstatic environment
My point of view
Has always been
On the outside looking in
To your glass house
As I threw rocks
To chase away my demons
It makes sense why
You never wanted me to come in
With my muddy feet prints
And dark circle eyes
I always thought
It was the rough side
That had kept me alive
Then I figured out
I didn’t need all that
To feel ok on the inside
Now I’m washing my shoes
And my hands
Replacing my stones with flowers
And waiting patiently to come in.
 
My Comeback
By Sarah Mecum

I have more confidence
Than I ever thought possible
In my world growing up
As a middle child
The only thing memorable
Was my mean girl attitude
Now I’ve grown into my feelings
I like to believe
That love is all anyone will see
When they look at me
My main goal is to have an obituary
The world could be proud of
That someone somewhere
Would pray for a repeat
Of the life of me
Because after all my time
Of negative feedback
I think it is about time
For a positive comeback.

If I
By Sarah Mecum

It’s so cold it hurts. The magic of nature continues to flip and flop so fast the wonderment floors me. I sit here to write daily, meditating, painting a picture of the prison lifestyle of boring. I think that’s why I spend so much time crouched over, pen glued to my hand, because if I wasn’t writing I’d be in bed counting the tic tock of time. Especially on the holidays, writing is my “more” to life that keeps me from sitting and eating my feelings. I can feel my patience growing. I’m not sad, I’m just a lobo who doesn’t want to run to others to be comforted. Some days I ask myself, where is the fine line drawn at antisocial, depressive, and normal. The big bad three with such variety that if you believe any one hard enough, you can manifest it in less than a week. Now that is scary prison behavior. I couldn’t have said it better except that I’m living the turning point as we speak. If I sleep too much, depression might grab hold. If I eat too much, I may never stop the addiction. If I sit here writing, I feel the possibility of hope. That maybe someone somewhere, will understand me better than I can understand myself. In the constant world of If I.

I’m Learning
By Sarah Mecum

I broke down today when she said, “You deserve to be treated good, just enjoy it.” So I will, because those words brought together all the reasons for my life’s will, the game of love, you so lovingly share, the repay of hope, I know is still there. Even when I feel inadequate, unable to give back what has been given. I could pretend that it’s all ok, but it’s hard to hide my soft side. The way the women here make me feel is so important to my life, to my health, and to the support I hope to give others like me, in my present and my future. As of now, I’ll learn to cope with the way joy makes me feel and learn better how to allow myself to begin to feel loved after all these years.

Awaiting
By Sarah Mecum

Everything is beginning to make sense to me
How my dreams are linking up
To what’s in front of me
My goals for the future
The thoughts that seemed too far away
Are now coming closer
The actions I create
Are my cure for disaster
I feel their eyes
Always on me
Awaiting

Thanksgiving
By Sarah Mecum

Religiously, it’s a big deal to me
It’s like the icing on the cake
Of humanity
The stuffing to the turkey
Of community
The gravy to the biscuit
Of culture
And our minds
Are how we choose to cook it
A meal of life
A favorite of season
A reason to speak, teach, and read
To our brothers, to our children

Doors
By Sarah Lynne Mecum

I can’t stop the dreams
of the rough ways I would
express my feelings.
But with a new age before me
I have faith that those doors will close
to new ones opening.
I have already changed
my daylight attitude,
so, now it’s a deeper chore
I have to completely do.
The internal reservoir of the old me
must be drained, cleaned, and a big
choice or two, of what’s real important to me,
to the future.
I’ll take it step by step.
The first being this paper
to express my deeper desire
to clean it all and start afresh.
Just breathe
one breath at a time.
Starting every day
with my cope of change.