Chapter 3: Solitary Confinement

The following is a chapter from Jimmy Delgado’s powerful book 79: 11: Preserve Those About to Die, which may be ordered from Amazon here.

Category: Administrative Segregations/Restrictive Housing

Romans 1:28-32 – “And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a deprived mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, arrogant, boastful, inventers of evil, disobedient to parent, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful, and although they know the ordinances of God, that those that practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those that practice them.”

                  A turducken is a chicken, stuffed inside of a duck, and then the stuffed duck is placed inside a turkey.  AD. SEG., now called Restrictive Housing, is exactly like that.

                  There was an old Twilight Zone episode that depicted aliens, coming to earth, getting as many humans as they could into the spaceships, in what was wrongly considered a gesture of friendship.  When the ships were leaving, someone translated the book given to them by the aliens, “How to Serve Humans” …but it was a cookbook!  Take one human, place him in prison, season with disobedience, wickedness, and a dash of malice.  Then place everything into a 6 X 9 cell and let cook indefinitely.  Bon Appetite!

                  AD. SEG. Is a prison inside of a prison.  It was started in Texas in 1984 to curb gang violence.  This has its own nuances, rules, and dynamics.  When it first began, policy allowed for one hour a day of recreation and a shower.  They kept the different groups separated.  The gangs themselves established order based on respect, and fear of the consequences of doing wrong or disrespecting the house.

                  One convict that lived up front, was designated to speak with the officers for the gang.  No one else had any business talking to any guards.  Curfews were put into place; no talking before 8 am, and no noise after 11 pm.  Stores were accumulated; coffee, sweets, food items, and hygiene.  This was very intelligent because sometimes TDCJ might lose its contract with the coffee company.  Having coffee is essential to human existence.  (If you don’t drink coffee, put this book down now.)

                  Or the unit may go on lockdown.  In today’s prison, people cry about two-week lockdowns.  Back then, it was 6 to 9 months at a time.  Libraries were kept and convicts were encouraged to read.  Once everyone read most of the books, the gang member librarian would send the entire stock (500 books) to another gang and receive 500 books back in an even exchange.  The discipline of reading everyday unknowingly provided a form of positive mental health and community.

                  However, prolonged amounts of time in SEG still affected even the most disciplined of minds.  Men became delusional easily when they get drunk with perceived power.  Gang leaders would send orders, losing soldiers and causing chaos.  These delusional leaders believed they were smart, using foot soldiers who did not think they, too, were expendable.  Regular foot soldiers were toilet paper to the high and mighty leaders, safely tucked away in their cells.  Just use them and flush.

                  Mental Health can be affected by exposure to the mentally ill.  I believe you can catch crazy.  As more mentally ill men were being placed in AD. SEG., they would bring their irrational behavior with them.

                  The normal action was to talk respectfully to an officer and wait for a solution.  Instead, the mentally ill flooded the runs, lit fires, banged loudly for hours on end, and threw fluids, until the officers gave them what they wanted.  Over time the guards no longer responded to the needs of the ones trying to be respectful.

                  What I witnessed was a slow deterioration of the moral code that had been established since 1984.  Now, even for active gang members, banging, flooding, fires, and disrespecting the female officers was no longer abnormal, but the norm.

                  I styed 13 years just like that.  Once, a volunteer chaplain asked me, “Jimmy, how did you not go crazy back there?”  My response was, “Who said I wasn’t crazy?”  No one can spend that much time as a turducken and not be affected. 

                  Solitary can break a man.  Imagine being locked in your bathroom with someone you despise. How long would it be before you acted out?  You see, most men in SEG really hate themselves, or the decisions they have made, to put them in the position they now find themselves in.

                  Some people stress out and break quickly, and others slowly build up delusions of grandeur.  I’ve witnessed men start to truly believe every female guard or nurse is madly in love with them, and every man is talking about them, or trying to harm them.  Conversations become strange and fantastical.  There is a saying in prison, “You can be all you want to be.”

                  It is said in a smart aleck manor, because so many people lie about the things they have done, what they have, or what they are going to do.  You become broken when you start to believe your own lies.

                  I’ll use myself as an example.  You may not see any outward signs of mental illness, but I’ve done some weird stuff.  Thankfully, I recognized it in myself, and knew my mind was slipping.  To be one hundred percent truthful, I must be open about my experiences.

                  In SEG, I had a daily routine.  Wake up and workout for 2 hours, clean for 1 hour, and read for the rest of the day.  Then I would sleep for 12 hours.  Every 6 months, I would switch my schedule, for daytime to nighttime.

                  One day, I was bored.  I was holding a conversation with myself, wondering what I would get into.  I know, I can eat 6 or 7 hydrochlorothiazide capsules…(used for blood pressure and makes you urinate a lot), drink 20 glasses of water… (more difficult than you would believe), and see how long I can hold it, without urinating.  I did it.

                  2 hours and 17 minutes later, I was sitting at the edge of my bed, clinched up, sweating, and squeezing with all I had.  I could no longer hold it, so I stood in front of the toilet and started to release.

                  For the men, have you ever had to go so badly, that when you finally do, your back teeth ache?  It was happening to me.  Then the thought popped into my head: “I wonder if…”, as I looked behind me.  So, I took a step back, then another, and another, until my back was against the door, and I had an arch going 8 feet away into the toilet.

                  I laughed hysterically, until I made it back to the toilet and finished.  I sat down on my bunk bed, still laughing at the absurdity of what I just did.  Then, I had a clear thought, that wasn’t something a rational, reasonable person would do.  That was when I first considered getting out of SEG.

                  I have a friend that spent 22 years on death row.  He told me a story about another guy.

                  He was meaner than a rattlesnake but had been slipping mentally.  One morning, he called out to my friend, “I just had the most vivid dream I’ve ever had.  Now I know what’s been wrong with me all this time.  I’m really a woman, and I’m changing my name to Sarah.”

                  Then, he told my friend that he/she wanted him, my friend, to be his man.  After a few minutes of silence, my friend replied, “I appreciate the fact that you think so highly of me, that you want me to be your man, but I’m not even in a position right now to be my own man.  Thank you, though!”

                  In SEG, you are in an environment where people are always watching, witnessing, and being shaped, by what they see.  I’ve witnessed those cells break minds.  I’ve seen men become cutters, play in feces, and become delusional.  Men have gone insane, and some have died by their own hand.

                  I know men who light fires outside their cells, inside their cells, and even one that lit himself on fire.  Mental pain and suffering are horrible.  Thank you, God, that You pulled me out of that environment and have allowed me to flourish.  I see how low depravity took me, so now I strive to help the SEG guys change for the better, and to know the joy and peace that can only be had with Jesus Christ.

                  Since becoming a Field Minister in 2019, I’ve been back in SEG this whole time.  I do cell-front classes and just spend time having a decent conversation.  Can I reach everybody?  NO.  But I can do my best to help with family emergencies and even hygiene.

                  I stay trying to get them to see what they accept as normal, is not normal in any society.  I attempt to get them to think about their thoughts, before they turn into feelings and actions.

                  Now, Texas has instituted a Self-Harm program, where inmates walk, around the clock, on high priority wings.

                  Thanks to the Gang Renunciation and Disassociation program, thousands of gang members have denounced their gangs and have been released into population or made parole.

                  Those empty SEG cells have been filled with men that take psychiatric medications.  The Self-Harm guys walk around and help to de-escalate problems, like cutting, burning, and suicides before they happen.  The problem wings are mostly transient, because no one knows what these guys are dealing with.

                  All that, used to be on Field Ministers, but now we have some help.  Wherever you are, build relationships with people and get to know them.  You may be able to save someone’s life.

                  Here are some things to look out for.  Some are unique to prison, but some may help you too.

SUICIDE HIGH RISK FACTORS:

• Recent family loss
• Recent set off, or serve all
• Change in physical condition
• Deteriorating medical condition
• Increased fear of being harmed
• Feeling pressured
• Encouragement from others to commit suicide
• Recent placement in SEG
• Less than three years on your sentence

WARNING STATEMENTS:

• No one cares.
• I won’t be around long.
• My family will be better off without me.
• It doesn’t matter anymore.
• No one would miss me if I were gone.
• Take care of my family or stuff.

BEHAVIOR CHANGES:

• Eating, hygiene, or sleeping habits
• Giving away possessions
• Refusing visits
• Talking about death or of dying
• Self-injury/crying

MOOD CHANGES:

• Hopelessness
• Withdrawn
• Depressed
• Sadness
• Worthlessness
• Abnormally angry
• Fearful

                  If you recognize these symptoms in any of your loved ones, you need to talk to them or call a healthcare professional.  If they don’t follow up, try to speak to your Warden, Major, Captain, or Chaplain.  You just might save someone’s life.

                  I had a close friend.  We were in SEG together and used to talk often.  One day he sends me a letter.  In it he said he got a 2-year set off.  That ain’t bad, but he said he had Hepatitis C and his liver was going out.  (This was before the cure for Hep C).

                  He just wanted me to know he was checking out.  I’ve seen suicides, but this guy was a gangster.  He wouldn’t do nothing like that, right?  The day he moved from our wing, he didn’t even unpack.  He hung himself.  Be vigilant always.