I have been incarcerated for approximately twenty-four years and often times it seems like I was just arrested. During the inception of my being placed in prison, I was getting into fights; invariably having conflict with the guards. I literally had to go through a lot, in order to get where I’m at today. Admittedly, it wasn’t easy – for me – by no means. Here it is today, and I haven’t been in the hole (Restricted housing unit) in over ten years.
The Creator is the very center of my world/life. He blessed me to enjoy writing/reading. These things are everything to me! I can literally profess that without these things in my life, I wouldn’t have survived being in population this long. My routine – within the realm of this very gloom environment – is simply to keep myself (mind/body) continuously occupied constructively. I work inside of the gym six days a week. This way I am also able to keep my body conditioned as well. I truly enjoy playing chess. I actually got involved with chess during the pandemic and really fell in love with it. Chess also keeps my mind constructively occupied and I make it a habit to play personalities that are conducive with mine, in order to avoid conflict.
Nevertheless, as one may be able to imagine, being in prison is not – under no circumstances – peaches and cream. Sometimes a prisoner cannot avoid trouble. I’ve seen guys who are harmless and out of the way get assaulted simply because they were convenient. There are guys who were set up by the guards. In 2008, the guards set me up at by placing a makeshift knife inside of my typewriter. I spent ninety days in the hole. Every day in prison, irrespective whether the prisoner perceive this fact or not, our manhood is challenged by our captors. For example, we’re still on pre-pandemic lock down at my current facility. We’re also compelled to eat all three meals inside of our cells. Every meal is obviously under proportioned and lacking nutrition. We are fed nearly 100% soy. According to FDA, it is a violation of our constitutional rights to feed a person 100% soy nor even close to it. It’s been proven that soy can cause serious health issues: cancer, heart disease, heart attack, estrogen in males, giving us breast-like symptoms, and causing men to become overly emotional. I’ve witnessed countless prisoners dying from cancer/heart problems. I’ve lost count of the associates I’ve lost. Unbelievably, these guys were fairly young (55 down to their 20’s/30’s). A lot of guys are forced to eat this food because they have no outside support and are unable to make ends meet. There are others who will take other prisoners commissary in order to not have to eat poison. There are others who find other means to survive, in order to maintain their health. It’s similar to fighting a deadly, double headed snake: you’re damned if you/damned if you don’t!
Being in these circumstances, we’re forced to also deal with racism at its highest rate, on every single level. There are guards that has never been around people of color. However, due to the many false depictions/stereotypes of the media & their upbringings, these kinds of guards learned to utilize their positions as correctional officers to impose their racism on prisoners of color in various ways. Sadly, these ways are involving their denial of our freedom, proper medical treatment, as well as the opportunity to advance in prison pertaining to fair and equal opportunities for certain jobs, etc. Every year, if a prisoner avoids write ups, they have the opportunity of their level being dropped. The highest level a prisoner can have is a 5; in which mean they are in the hole (restricted housing unit). The lowest level is a 2 and/or a 2R. I continue to remain a 4H (high risk), regardless to the fact I haven’t been in the hole in over ten years and haven’t had a misconduct (infraction) in years. Although I maintain good behavior, I receive no incentive for my positive and constructive accomplishments. Through these injustices being imposed upon me, I still manage to remain positive and undeterred by their dereliction of duty. Believe me, there are many obstacles that are designed to keep a man buried in concrete. I’ve learned to never put myself in the predicament, to whereas though the guards have the opportunity to – individually – enforce their authority on me. I’ve also learned to keep negativity from out of my personal space. However, yes, I know all sorts of personalities; in which, I am cordial and respectful to all, yet, I have the capacity to pick and choose whose around me. The things that typically invoke violence, hole time, investigations and more time, I completely avoid. These fundamental things are: not minding your own business, drugs, gambling, obsequious to the guards, being in a gang, and keeping unsavory company.
Despite the reality that – momentarily – this is my reality (incarceration). I am inspired to be and remain positive, due to my belief in the Creator, in hope of obtaining my freedom, returning to my children, grandchildren, and the remainder of my family. In addition, to also be an inspiration to other people – in general – showing others that, no matter how difficult and complicated your life may seem, you can and should always contend to be better and remain positive, as well as be a beckon light for others. Being incarcerated when my wife, mother, grandmother, and father passed away were the most difficult times for me. My faith in God is what kept me from being consumed by my pain and anger. There are also days that I find myself being frustrated because I’m unable to be there, during times that my family is struggling on the outside. During times when my grandsons are in dire need for my guidance and I am in here. It is these things that hurt me the worse. To not be understood and heard has the tendency of being very frustrating. Throughout these excruciating years of being away from my loved ones has caused so much dysfunction within our relationship with one another. Although we all love each other, there is going to be a process of reintroducing myself to them after all of these years. My oldest grandson is 21 and the youngest is 13. They all were born while I was in here. My advice for someone just beginning a prison system is what my old heads presented to me. This, meaning prison, is a fool’s paradise and a wise man’s training grounds. The fools will get involved in all the wrong activities (getting high/drunk, gossip talking, minding everyone’s business, gambling, being in a gang, etc…). The fools are doing everything to allow their captors to bury them in concrete and steel. Submitting to the Creator first and foremost! The wise man is always bettering himself constructively by staying in the law library, seeking loopholes in his case in order to expeditiously get released. The wise man is constantly elevating his intelligence by reading everything that is beneficial to him and his. He also makes it his obligation to keep his body physically conditioned as well and always being exceedingly mindful of the foods he ingests. Treat everyone with respect whether you deem that they deserve it or not and strictly work on you. I truly hope and pray that these few words are enough to simply subsidize someone. If I am able to merely inspire at least one person, this would make me extremely happy. Take care of yourselves and thank you very much for donating me a very small portion time. God bless!
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