Feelings
By Rasster Mikkail Hymm
I can feel it.
On the brink of my fingertips
Is the silhouette of my desires.
The very edge of all I wish to accomplish.
But success is not so easily prompted
by the want or the need.
It’s rare that it heeds.
Just as rare is the effect of my will on its speed.
I can feel it!
The war that is waged within myself between my selves.
They think different, I have yet to agree.
I attempt to determine which is best to be me.
When he says, “Fuck that, you don’t go young nigga!”
But he says, “Forget that, let it go young man.”
Then he says, “Right there, just so young man.”
But he says, “It’s not enough, get more young nigga!”
Who should take the wheel?
I can feel it!
But which feeling I feel, is the one I should deal?
And which choice is surreal, when each feeling is real?
When I choose man, my choices be killing me still!
Can you feel it?
If I feed you some lies, would you taste some truth in it?
If I give my two-sense, I’ll need more than two minutes,
Cause its blood, sweat, and tears when I count those two pennies.
That’s how I feel.
Understand that my feelings are hard to explain.
The description for you just as hard to retain.
As I feel what I’m feeling, it grows hard to refrain.
Cause the feelings grow old and grow mold but remain.
I cannnn feel it…
At times it seems I’m holding off numbness.
Triumphant?
It seems victory doesn’t always feel victorious.
How can I win if the battles a lose, lose?
The screams and boo-hoos, leave me feeling sick.
Once that feeling’s spent and has run its course,
What remains is remorse, and there’s no end to this feeling.
And I can feel it.
Explanatory Description
By Rasstar Mikkail Hymm
OK… I’ve done a few things I know I shouldn’t have done.
The side effects are far worse than chain smoking on cigarettes.
Secondhand smoke from this could lead you to the pen.
Grew strong from independence, now it’s you who depends? (Hm)
But I’m only gearing up.
They heard I was toast, they vanished like ghost, but recently rearing up.
I’ve only been smoked, I laugh ’cause it’s funny, honest I’m tearing up. (While)
They try to hide it, but there’s no disguise, the partitions near to dust. (Youngen)
Scope how I started, I can easily chart it.
Hand me downs, rummage sale bargains, how we purchased my garments.
Passenger seat, use it for sleep when we lose the apartment.
I’ve been through, anger management, juvenile, now it’s Corrections Departments? (Ok we get it)
The Goodie two shoes make moves, as if we’re in peace time.
Meanwhile, me and mine just more youths you assume are making a beeline.
Utilizing Glock 32’s, flinging 7.62’s, then backdoor chunking peace signs.
Most likely to avoid getting our feet lined, or the end of a tree line. (Don’t you know the streets are a jungle?)
If I’m lying in wait, does that make me a feline?
They think I’m Lion, but wait, now he can’t be a feline.
I should’ve died nine times, plus nine, that makes this the 19th time. (I show gratitude.)
Unborn to present day, performed the role of a Beast.
From the age of eleven to eighteen, read plans for release.
I’ve been spit on, backstabbed, betrayed, but they hold court on my feats?…
When my only intention was to gain something to eat? (Look)
An eternity spent half starved, since a youth I’ve been immune.
Twenty-seven turning fifty, double life feeling fused.
The right path is like a maze, as if the road is confused.
What I’ve gained from taking that route, the most traumatic violent abuse!
(This is my life.)
Start…making a circle, start again at beginning.
Spinning, disorientated, grasp for purchase in dark.
Smart, though not always, now determined at winning.
Sinning, leads to the lead, doesn’t lead from my heart.
(Comprehend) In order to achieve peace of mind, I need peace & time.
A piece of yours, there’s no peace in mine.
I keep peace in mind, as they piece off mine, or my mind’s in pieces.
At the farthest reaches of my mind is where I’d find my peace is, I have yet to reach it.
Guarantees to success, they neglect to teach it.
You’re content living no life, rebuke death though you seek it…
Filled with remorse, & its source would render you speechless.
If I started voicing my regrets, you’d regress once I speak it.
Cause you can’t handle the truth.
I get mishandled.
(The Truth), but you’d deny even when handed the proof.
Never mind the evidence.
It’s evident that you don’t find the facts relevant. (Artificial)
Pardon me, but I won’t beg your pardon.
Excused.
Used, abused, I refuse.
To be another young fool on the news.
I may make the news, but I’m far from a fool.
I have been used, but I’m far from a tool.
Presently abused, but I’m far from the abused.
Haven’t decided I’m finished, I refuse to be excused. (Nah)
I’m trying my best to describe & explain. (So)
This is the outcome from explaining my description.
Come out the other side, wade through a tide made of pain.
But there’d be no need for prescription, if only they’d listen.
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