In October I was not only surrounded by inmates and guards. I was also surrounded by grandfathers, husbands, fathers, sons, uncles. It was four days of humans having fellowship and sharing meals. I thought I knew what to expect in the Kairos Walk retreat but there were many surprises.
Here at this prison, I feel like I can’t fit in. This unit is infested with drug users. I don’t know if I cross the line into loneliness, but I might be close.
At the beginning of the retreat, we were asked why we came to Kairos. I said I wanted to strengthen my faith in God. Many people shared they are looking for community. Some people were waiting up to twenty years to get into Kairos. Others put in a request and got right in. Two people didn’t even put in a request; someone else did it for them.
There were forty-two inmates and thirty volunteers. What surprised me the most was how humble all the volunteers are. Many times, I was shocked at how vulnerable they are. Many times, I thought there is no way I would share those things about myself if they applied to me. Many volunteers said they do Kairos for God, and it shows.
Several times it was mentioned that Kairos has Christian foundations, but they are not trying to convert anyone. I’m Christian but I felt everyone was respectful. One volunteer shared on the microphone that they had fruitful conversation at their table amongst a Pagan, Jew, Native American, and an Atheist.
When I would look around at the other tables I saw they had lively discussions happening. My table was quieter. However, I do feel we were focused on absorbing much spiritual fruit. We also enjoyed the physical food. Cheeseburgers, Chick-Fil-La, smoked chicken, fried chicken, brisket, and Pizza Inn. For the first time in a very long time, I was stuffed. In the chow hall I can’t recall the last time the tray filled me up. Many times, I eat the entire tray, and my stomach still feels empty.
As the Kairos retreat progressed, I could see it was impactful to everyone. My biggest surprise was when we entered. All the volunteers and resident stewards hug us. One volunteer has the body frame of an NFL defensive tackle. He basically knocks you over with his hugs. When he hugged me the first day I was instantly reminded of when I was a child and my dad arrived from work every day and he would give me huge hugs.
At one point, we walk in, and I get worried when I see a box of Kleenex on the table. There is a bag with my name and fifty-eight envelopes. The envelopes are from four different groups. Children from churches. Volunteers from churches. Volunteers present. Inmates from prior Kairos retreats. As I read the letters I could feel the genuine love. I was not at all expecting inmates to write me personally. If given the chance, I will gladly write letters for future Kairos volunteers.
I also had no idea the Kairos Prison Ministry was so big. The volunteers shared how so many people were already praying for us even before we were selected. after selection. A volunteer named Pam was specifically assigned to pray for me. Her letter was extremely heartfelt.
One of the final things was the forgiveness exercise. We wrote in red liquid ink on water soluble paper. We wrote down who we forgive, including ourselves. As the paper dissolved, the crystal bowl of water turned pink. I feel like I have finally forgiven myself.
Many seeds were planted at Kairos. Now I have to decide if I will let them flourish or fade away. I look forward to attending Kairos Tuesdays for our Prayer and Share meetings to keep the good feelings and positive energy flowing.
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