There was a time in my life when someone suggested committing some form of crime and my first reaction being, “No way.” Every criminal has a beginning. A moment when crime went from, “No way” to “Ok.” There is an origin story for every criminal. Pinpointing this pivotal moment is not easy, but doing so can help us find a way to overcome criminal thinking.
For me, committing crime was normalized and suggested by my family members, childhood friends and their family members. The lyrics of our favorite songs glorified crime, our favorite television shows and movies, and through the actions of the male role models that I had in my life.
The only male role models that were available to me were those who lived in my neighborhood, before I was mature enough to know the true value of a dollar and what it meant to be a MAN. I idolized the neighborhood drug dealers, bank robbers, pimps, players, gangbangers, stick-up kids, shooters and scammers. They were individuals who wore designer clothing, designer shoes and customized jewelry. They drove nice luxury cars, always had a windfall of money and never cried or stressed over the lack of money. What I loved the most was listening to all of their stories and their shared experiences of travelling to different states and outside of the United States. These individuals were all VIOLENT criminals who the neighborhood both loved and respected. Whenever someone went to prison and returned back to the neighborhood, they were celebrated and were the most sought after by the women of our neighborhood. I’d always aspired to reach their level of fame.
I bought into this false narrative of what it meant to be a man. I didn’t have anyone in my life to challenge this sort of thinking because everyone looked up to them, just how basketball fans admire the likes of Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Michael Jordan and Shaquille O’Neal. The fans of these athletes had last night’s highlights, trading cards, jerseys and a dream of one day making it to be professional basketball players. We hung onto their every word as they told their prison stories, gang stories; insight into how to make money out-of-town, partaking in some sort of illegal hustle. We were all clear on the inevitable consequences of death or life in prison. These individuals were our neighborhood superstars. It’s as if an alternative to escape poverty didn’t exist.
As a child, I wore “hand-me-down” clothes and shoes. When I would get new clothes, they usually came from a thrift store or Swap Meet. It was routine to see my mother and great-grandmother crying and stressing over the lack of money and the lack of a better opportunity to get ahead. My mother and great-grandmother struggled to pay bills and feed my three siblings and me.
As a child, it hurt me to see them this way, but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to be the one to save my family from this fate. I wanted to be like our neighborhood superstars. I found refuge in the criminal activity that was displayed to me. It had become a sort of safety net, an alternative to progress during the inevitable hard times, an escape from the gang-infested streets of South Central Los Angeles, an escape from the poverty that I’d always known, when government assistance wasn’t sufficient.
You can say that at an early age I was at a crossroads. I knew what I didn’t want. It was displayed at home and in the homes of my close friends. A nine-to-five minimum wage job, holding several odd jobs to put food on the table and clean clothes on our backs. I didn’t want to live paycheck to paycheck and still struggle in-between (never progressing). Or I could participate in some form of illegal hustle, risking my life and freedom to potentially elevate to a much better situation.
I knew that if I sat around and did nothing, I would suffer from the inevitable fate that 70% of my childhood friends had. I would lose my life in South Central L.A. at the hands of some trigger-happy gangbanger.
I was already aware of what would happen if I decided to follow in the footsteps of my mother and great grandmother, and that’s not to diminish their efforts. In contrast, I also saw and heard the stories of the individuals who had succumbed to criminal activity.
To me, it was a no-brainer!
No Comments