There’s a process that members of the penal system are subjected to when they are eligible for being found suitable for release from prison. The prisoners who are subject to this process, the lifers and three-strike people that have been sentenced to the minimum of twenty-five-years to life. Let’s face it, some of these sentences are very harsh. This writer was sentenced to 114 years-to-life for four counts of burglary. I’m hoping if I’m ever resurrected after my demise, I will not have to continue my prison term. Being at the age of 70 now and I have been incarcerated now for thirty years, I have to wonder why I am still deemed a potential threat to society.
Just to share a bit of my history while being incarcerated, let’s explore. I have violated the rules of the prison policies for the past twenty-five years. From making alcohol, possession and distribution of marijuana, contraband, cellular phones, phone chargers. I was punished for all the infractions in the disciplinary proceeding by the prison court system. None of these infractions were considered to be violations of the law and were not accepted by the local district attorney office of the county that these incidents occurred.
This is no excuse for the rule violations that I am guilty of. I accept full responsibility for my actions. I have been diagnosed with an anti-social disease. According to the phycologist that evaluated me, this disease meant that I have a difficulty understanding of between what’s right and what is wrong. I never knew this disease existed. No treatment was recommended by the phycologist so I wonder how do they believe I will understand this disease if I am not treated for it. Now that I understand the disease, I avoid anti-social behavior and now I am pro-social.
Before a prisoner is considered for release being a lifer, we have to study for months. Enroll in rehabilitation courses to help us understand our past behavior that brought us to prison. Causative factors such as upbringing, abuse, entitlement, greed, no empathy, violence, substance abuse, victim awareness, victim impact, criminal thinking, just to name a few. This writer took all these courses and earned credits and passed these courses with praise from the facilitators. So now I am considered a potential candidate to be found suitable for the board.
This experience is so traumatic that I could barely articulate when I was asked questions by the commissioners. After the parliamentary introductions the commissioner says, “Mr. Jackson I see you have your glasses on and are you wearing your knee brace?” My response was, “Yes”. After this answer the commissioner says, “Mr. Jackson you lied to me the last time you were before me. You told me you did not have a phone when you were caught with a charger and it says right here in the report from the physiologist you said that you had a phone.” I denied this and after him drilling me he moved on. He asked me questions about my rehabilitation courses. I was able to articulate well on these subjects. Then he brought up the issues about me receiving a rule violation about possession of contraband. He also accused me of having fifty pounds of onions in my cell. He says “I told you to not come back to the board with a rule violation”. In this statement he was correct. We moved on to my remorse letter in which he was disappointed because I did not write a long remorse letter to him. He told me since I was a writer I should have wrote a better letter even though I showed remorse in my letter. By now he starts nit-picking me about me answering his questions but why I did not put these answers in my presentation to the board.
The next commissioner called me a womanizer because a friend of mine helped me with the editing and publishing of my novels. She just could not understand why anyone would help me, a prisoner. As I explained to her that my editor was a friend and all the proceeds from the novels went to her account, my only concern about the novels I wrote was to get a portfolio so when I gained my freedom I would have a start with my life. This lady took something that was an accomplishment for me and turned it into something dirty. During her question the commissioner says, “Mr. Jackson you do have a way with women,” insulting me and my editor.
After this comedy of events they took a recess to deliberate on my faith. I was given a three-year denial and advice on taking more rehabilitation courses before I returned to the board. I sat there listening to him giving me all the reasons why he denied me my freedom. I will admit I believed I had accomplished enough to be released, so, yes, I was very disappointed.
As I walked out of the room the tears were forming in my eyes. I felt like a person on death row who received a reprieve at the last moment only to have a ten-day stay and the next week he goes back to be strapped into the death chamber once again. Over and over again he gets a reprieve but no one knows how much he suffers being strapped in that dam chair awaiting his fate. That’s how I felt as I walked back to my cell with these thoughts. I paced back and forth for hours as my tears hung on my eyelids. For some reason I could not let those tears fall down my cheeks. Though I am functioning almost normal, people see me and speak and those tears are still haunting my eyelids. It’s been three days since the events took place. I wonder how much more of this servitude I can endure. I ask God and somebody to please help me.
Sincerely,
Desperate
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