To be genuinely overstanding of another human being is to be unselfish, non-judgmental, sympathetic, and sensitively aware of emotional needs. Without being overstanding as a matter of choice, a relationship’s potential to succeed and flourish is undermined, and trust doesn’t develop as deeply as it could. When we settle for less communication and honestly than we need to give or receive, then it inevitably follows that we can expect less overstanding to come from each other, And this translates into less trust and affection than we may personally feel we need or are entitled to. Without overstanding, constructive communication always faces obstacles such as unwillingness and being unwilling to openly and sensitively listen to a partner’s communication is selfish. Being quick and repetitive at interacting and critical of a partner while they’re trying to express personal feelings is being judgmental, both of which are symptomatic of having no sympathy. It’s not sympathy in the sorry connotation of the word, but in the caring and emotionally connected sense.
Feelings and emotions, even beliefs, can be very complex in a relationship. Each new day may evoke something a partner has never felt or expressed before. Each new day could be the seed of renewal or a higher leap in feeling connected to one another. Human beings don’t function mechanically like well-oiled cogs in a machine. We can experience an array of different feelings towards ourselves as well as others. To be overstanding in a relationship is to know this, and to respect human character and expression within reasonable limits. Sympathy is saying within yourself toward your partner: I know you have or may develop feelings and beliefs that I am not aware of at every given point. I know that our relationship can have positive effects on you as well as negative at times. But by being willing to listen unselfishly, and non-judgmentally, and without critical interruption – I can be more sensitive to the strengths and weaknesses of whatever you feel and believe, whatever you expose to me by communication. By listening with a conscious desire to overstand you at every point in time, we will not suffer needlessly from the frustration of each other’s feelings.
This type of genuine overstanding is the result of choice. It doesn’t just manifest in a relationship because two people would do better with it. You have to want it and you have to nurture it mutually as well as unselfishly. Leave it to chance and you may end up being one of those people who Say about a partner, “I used to know them, but now I don’t overstand. How could they change like that?”
Commit to overstanding and emotional sensitivity.
Trust is intimately linked to the quality and degree of free expression of who we are in a relationship. We have to trust people to care about us. To overstand and respect us, to be honest and loyal, and to not take advantage of any weaknesses. We have to trust people to accept and be sincere about the words they use to express their feelings to us. And this is just to name a few. Trust in a relationship is much more interconnected to the wholeness of the relationship than many of us realize. It is much deeper than simply trusting someone to be honest and faithful. How free are we going to feel to openly express ourselves in a relationship if trust goes no further than honesty and faithfulness? A companion may be one hundred percent faithful, but still insensitive or psychologically sadistic. Wouldn’t such an attitude then inhibit our freedom to openly express our most sensitive feelings?
Trust has nothing to do with certainty, the absence of vulnerability. It simply means that we are willing to take a chance with having faith in someone we believe in. Nothing is absolute about trust. That is why a deep respect for it in any relationship should be appreciated.
When we find someone that we can trust with knowing who we really are then our quality of self-expression is more liberal. And that liberalness increases our growth and degree of intimacy in the overall relationship. Without trust and a mutual respect for it, a genuine love cannot evolve between two people. Trust is the foundation of strength in unity. It is like the trunk of a tree that – although one is the source of connecting many branches to nourishment, growth, and stability.
The stronger we are in our self-confidence and acknowledgement that we have something valuable to offer a partner, i.e. your true and honest selves, then the greater is our ability to be trusting and therefore to expose ourselves to the vulnerability that comes in all relationships. We truly cannot help being vulnerable, but we can help not letting vulnerableness hold us back from giving and receiving as much as possible. Be wise in your choice of a partner, reasonable in your acknowledgement of who they really are, and therefore able to well place your trust.
Remember…trust is a key to healthy interpersonal relations.
Timeliness in addressing problems is a key to keeping conflicts and differences from becoming harbored resentments and/or repressed anger that is bound to surface sooner or later.
Choosing to avoid dealing with conflicts and differences as an expedient means of restoring peace is a harmful choice. We can’t resolve problems by avoiding them. If, for example, our partner frequently does something that has a tendency to hurt us, we can’t make the relationship better by repressing the hurt that we feel. Communication, honesty, overstanding, and trust are necessary to our ability to be timely in addressing problems. We should always set a reasonable time to approach our partner with concerns we may have about relations. We should also try to be aware that in a relationship where adequate communication is lacking, two people may not mutually be aware that one or the other perceives something as a problem. And if someone doesn’t perceive something as a problem, the partner may assume the lack of perception to be an insensitivity. How many relationships are harmed by this error due to a lack of timely and honest communication?
These five keys: communication, honesty, overstanding, trust, and timeliness are all interrelated and mutually dependent on each other for the success of a relationship, but they are not the only keys. This short essay can’t cover the scope of everything in so few words, but it is written to encourage insight and more constructive interest in how we relate to ourselves, our partners, and other people in society. Be mindful of them and apply them in your daily relations, especially with your partner.
No Comments